Everyone has values. Not everyone's values are all the same, but everyone lives by some set of what they believe is right and wrong.
What is important to you?
Culturally intrinsic values crystallize when you leave your home culture. My husband has two grown children. They are in their 20s, each living on their own. By American standards, he has succeeded in aiding his children into adulthood - they have jobs, pay taxes, rent, etc. Success!
Once, among a group of Chinese adult English students, a woman expressed dismay that he moved so far away from his children. "How could you????" She did not understand - AT ALL - that his job as a parent was done. He's still there for them emotionally and talks to them regularly, but he is proud that they have achieved independence! In China, many children live at home until they can afford their own place, often well into adulthood.
Americans value independence. Our country was founded on it, and that's something we strive to instill in our children or others within our sphere of influence.
Chinese value teamwork. Everything is done for the good of the people. Your job is for the good of the company; competitions are won for the good of the school. Independence doesn't figure into it.
Is one better or worse? At what point do we have the right to try to change someone else's values?
Short post today. Not my typical subject matter either, but I'm out of time and short on inspiration. If this is your first visit here, please read another post, too!
(If you're visiting from A to Z, please include the name of your blog as it is on the Master List so I can return the favor!)
The empty nest is an interesting conundrum even in Western society. We live in a country town and our children left home in their late teens to move to the city for university and ended up staying there. Our city friends have their children still at home well into their mid to late 20's (suits the kids and suits the parents) I envy them their closeness, but also relish our freedom - and our friends think it's strange that we were happy to launch our children out much earlier than they've done.
ReplyDeleteLeanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au
V for Visualise and Plan
I returned home for a while after my dad had a stroke, but when I had a new job, I moved out, just nearby. I know my parents like having us kids around, but are proud of our independence.
DeleteWhen I was young, it was almost expected of children to leave home either to work or to attend university after school (at about 18 years of age). That has changed: my unmarried children (33 & 39) prefer to stay with and look after their parents. This arrangement suits all of us well. www.hesterleynel.co.za
ReplyDeleteWhatever works is great. My issue was this woman judging my husband because he has different values about this than she did.
DeleteI miss my kids who are scattered across the country, but am proud of their accomplishments and self-reliance. I would love to have them live closer so we could be a bit more of a support group for one another, because everyone needs a helping hand at one time or another, and family are the first ones you would expect to turn to for help.
ReplyDeleteI think this is about like my family. Enjoy our time together, but no desire to live actually with each other anymore!
DeleteMy kids knew from a very early age that they were to be out the door once they hit adulthood. Staying at home would not be an option. So, there were no surprises.
ReplyDeleteWe were all expected to go to college. After that, returning home for a short while to get our lives going was okay, but with adult parameters: rent, etc.
Delete