30 May, 2012

The Kids of Indianapolis Have a New Hero

Sorry for the delay, those of you expecting this yesterday: My wi-fi died. It has been resurrected.

If you read through Brett's most recent post and comments (here), you might have noticed a tiny little response (or two) in the comment section where Brett mentioned that we spent Memorial Day together in Indianapolis.

Yep. And it was awesome. End of story.

Haha! Just kidding. I wouldn't tease you like that. I mean it was awesome, but that's not the end of the story. I'll share. ('cause I'm a giver like that.)

What happens when two bloggers get together? The ears of the entire blogosphere should be burning. Yesirree dudes, you were under discussion. Because we love you.
Hard to believe it's Indianapolis?


Brett and I are pretty comfortable together by now, so walking along the canal - beautified for the Superbowl, so a pretty nice walk - was comfortable.
People-watching near the museums and zoo was a riot, as you can imagine.

Believe me, Brett's the one making the jokes, and I am the one trying to keep my sides from splitting. (My friends in Delaware find me amusing, but I can't hold a candle to Brett for flat-out funny.)

We went to a baseball game in the evening. Victory Field in Indianapolis doesn't do bleachers in the outfield: they have sloping lawns instead. We had a blanket and a picnic, and set up under the sole tree (above the slope), because I was already pinking up from all the sun. Because we were near-ish to an entrance and concession stand, there were many families walking past us the whole time, and the occasional father-son or father-daughter pair playing catch behind us.

Dudes, I couldn't believe I was watching this phenomenon in person!

An abundance of random children.
...and in near proximity to Brett, the Transformed Non-conformist!

If you've read the post of Brett's that I highlighted above, you've heard his side of what happens when he is around young children.

Allow me to illuminate you! That's right. I was an eye-witness.

1. He's correct. It's not like he's trying to play with the kids. But if they stare - as kids tend to do - Brett will point at them in return. Sometimes this would cause them to laugh, sometimes to wave, sometimes to hide behind their parent. I tried to pull his hand down, but you know, "old dog...new tricks."

He was just trying to teach them what "rude" is!

2. Kids just walk in his direction. Really, we were just sitting there! In addition to the 8-9 year-old girls who seemed fascinated by us, and the parents playing catch with their kids, at one point a dad was walking his 2 or 3 year-old daughter near us. 
The dad & daughter. (It's a bit far away...)

When the dad was distracted by the game, Brett waved the girl over. She freely walked toward us, at which point Brett joked with the Dad about her opennness with strangers.  

He was just trying to teach a lesson in safety!

We had grapes sitting out on the cooler, so I suggested that she was walking toward food. (Everyone knows kids and animals are drawn to food.) I asked the girl if she wanted a couple grapes (not that she understood the question), and her dad quickly said, "Sure. She can have a grape."

I started  to reach into the ziploc and get out the grapes. The girl suddenly saw me - I think she was mesmerized by Brett until then - and started to back slowly away from our blanket.

Conclusion: Brett looks safe and I look scary.

3. The same little girl and her dad - after probably one or two more beers. He had apparently won her a prize: A small beachball designed to look like a baseball. They were again walking around near us. This time, Brett reached out as if to catch the ball. Without question, she tossed it to him.

The little girl who snubbed me.
 They played catch for a few minutes, while her Dad was shooting the breeze with us and another dad meandering the grassy area. Then they continued walking away.

She never once threw the ball to me.

Conclusion: Brett exudes a "fun" vibe that I obviously lack.

4. After the game, on our way out of town, Brett pulled into a gas station to fill up for the drive home. Now, he had been apologizing for the bird poop on my side of the windshield (like it was his fault), and intended to take care of it. Then I saw the minivan across from us seemed to have commandeered several of the squeegees for the one adult and two kids to tackle all the windows on their vehicle.

I heard the girl (about 9yo?) complain to her big brother (maybe 11?) that it was HER turn to do THAT side of the van.

...next thing you know, Brett found two young windshield washers to attack our bird-poop.

The big brother started on Brett's side...
The girl was too short to effectively reach the windshield, so Brett gave her some help:
Yes, she's standing on the hood.
He was just trying to solve the sibling dispute!

It was a delightful day by every standard. And it was especially fun to be able to verify what precisely happens in these scenarios. Believe me, dudes: Brett is NOT making it up!

28 May, 2012

Get Outta My Way - Red's on a Rant

CAUTION: This Post has been rated PG - 
for some strong language.

...because I'm pissed.

Who the HELL gave you the right to critique my weight?
(Well okay, not "you" particularly, the generic "you" meaning "people in general")

Are we as a society so accustomed to FAT that when someone is actually maintaining a healthy weight, we think they are "too thin"? ...the fuck?
(And by "we as a society", I'm curious if this is just an American phenomenon.)



AND YES I AM GOING TO USE
THE "F-WORD": FAT. No euphemisms here. We use a lot of nicer-words: "heavy", "curvy", "big". Dude, my 14yo nephew has high cholesterol and is on track for diabetes, but is he fat? No, he's a "big boy".

I know exactly what is considered the healthy weight-range for a woman of my age and height. I was just above it when I started losing weight last year. I lost 20 pounds. At that point I was still within a healthy range for myself. (I've since gained back almost half of it, and I'm fine with that, as long as I can fit my clothes.)

Co-workers could observe daily as my old clothes got baggy, and I started wearing smaller sizes. Some were supportive. Some said they wished they could do the same...while they ate subs and fries for lunch. One woman, who is clearly outside of the healthy zone for her, started cautioning me not to lose too much more weight or I'd be "too thin".

Dude, I wanted to smack the self-righteous bitch. I would have said to her "When you get off your fat ass and DO SOMETHING...and when you are eating more healthily than I am...when you are overall more healthy than I, THEN you can offer me advice." Bitch. I didn't say that, of course. I don't curse like that.

So where is this uncharacteristic-for-me rant coming from?

Today I tried on the Bridesmaid Dress again. The one that I was having altered because when it arrived in Delaware it was too tight, and when I went to the seamstress and tried it on 2 weeks ago, it was still too tight. It is a gorgeous dress, and extremely well-made. So much so that the seamstress (not a professional) was a little nervous to cut it, and recommended another woman finish the job.

Today we talked to the other seamstress, who said she could, but it would be better if we found someone who makes their living doing this. Upon returning home, I tried it on. (Don't ask me why I didn't try it on last night.) It fit.

Dudes, it needed to be let out by almost 2 inches. I'm pretty proud of myself that not only did it fit this afternoon, but I could zip it up myself. "Fitting" while having someone else help tug together the two sides of the zipper is one thing. "Fitting" with no assistance is excellent.

...so I did what everyone does when they meet a goal: I posted it on facebook.

Just like anyone, I want the kudos due me for achieving this goal. (I still have to maintain it for a few weeks, but at least I'm there.) If there's one good thing about facebook, it's the instant gratification of "like". And I got a few of those, a few positive comments, including one from a friend who was with me through the lost 20 pounds.

Then SHE struck. SHE is an old friend (I can't think of a pseudonym for her at the moment) from college who actually lives in the area. ...well, about an hour away. We finally got together last week, and she said I looked good, but again with the "don't lose any more" -

~~GRR...Why the FUCK do people think it's okay to judge my weight?!?!?! ~~

She's fat. Okay, I said it. I know, she has reasons: can't get around a lot, medications, blah-blah-blah. She even admits she's overweight. So What in Hell or Heaven or all the worlds between gives her the right to make random statements about my weight when it's not okay for me to tell her she needs to lose about half of herself?

But that's not what set me off. No. That was days ago, when I told her I was still working my way into the dress and she advised me (unsolicited) to put weight back on after the wedding.

No. When I posted that I fit the dress today, her comment?

"Good, 'cuz another 10 pounds and you'd be anorexic."

BITCH!

For the record, I would not. I couldn't be skin and bones if I tried. I'd ask Brett to vouch for me, since he first met me 2 days after I got here, and saw me the day after SHE did - and therefore could confirm that I've not lost noticeable weight in that time, but I'm not the kind of girl to put a guy on the spot. (Seriously Brett, not asking.) You will therefore have to trust that I am at a healthy size.

I deleted the comment. I really hope-hope-hope she asks me about it. I have tried to maintain our friendship, because I know she is not in a good way, and needs someone on her side. But she's making it difficult.

Seriously, do YOU randomly comment on people's weight? I mean, the occasional "wow you look great have you lost weight" notwithstanding?

Also seriously, is this just America, or is all the world so used to fat that normal looks thin?

...Okay. PG over. I'll go back to my G-rating. I'd apologize for all the language, which is NEVER in here (in case you're new), but I really needed to get that off my chest. Thank you!

26 May, 2012

Where Does the Time Go? Catching Up

Hi there! Remember me?
Yeah, I'm still here. I just saw on someone else's blogroll that I last posted 4 days ago.
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
That Red, man, she's such a slacker...


>sigh<
So I'm doing a total cop-out and posting an overall update on what's happening. Okay? Okay.

Most (if not all) of you reading this also read Brett's blog, The Transformed Non-conformist. So you've probably read his recent post that mentioned our day together this past Thursday. We are able to get together about once a week. He's even been over here and met my parents. (Please note that he survived the visit and is still blogging.)

~~~
I have to say, I feel like I'm dating a celebrity. The Transformed Non-conformist has so many followers and awards, and is just so popular ...and yet *I* am the one he chooses to spend his time with. It's like he's talking about someone else when he mentions me in his blog: "Who's this 'Red' person?"
(...I probably shouldn't have admitted that, but it's true.)
~~~

Those of you new to Doesn't Speak Klingon may have missed the fact that I moved to Indiana from Delaware nearly a month ago.(Here is the sort of summary after my arrival, but there's a lot of posts about the whole process.) I'm living with my parents until I get a job and move into my own place. I have no regrets, especially with my mom's extreme gratitude when I help Dad with the dog or the lawn or the gardening. I think she's worried about him overexerting himself. He had a mini-stroke in February, which was the impetus for my move. So I'm happy to help.

I had lived in Delaware for almost 12 years, which is a REALLY LONG TIME...and I was overdue to move, because ...well, one symptom was the fact that I couldn't go anywhere without running into someone I knew. And I need to start over every now and then. So I'm looking forward to starting that starting over process. Right now I'm just "at Mom & Dad's".

But dude, I wish I had a job by now!

So I'm spending a lot of time sifting through the options being sent my way by Career Builder. I have quite a broad search, which means there's a LOT to sift though. See, I want to live close to my parents, but I don't require the same area-code. In Delaware, I was a 12-hour drive away. I figure if I'm within 2 or 3 hours, that's still a do-able distance if something happens. So I'm casting a broad net geographically, and now have two resumes posted with different emphases. 

However, I've been focused on full-time positions. This week I will get a part-time job, so I at least have some money coming in ...and can keep filling my gas-tank to get to see Brett. Because it is still a bit of a drive for both of us.

So I guess technically I'm right on schedule. When I first decided to move here - with no job lined up (which was a radical idea) - my expection was to have at least a part-time job by the end of May, and to be settled into a full-time job and new place before the summer is out. Of course, my hope was to have a full-time position by now, and be able to focus on finding somewhere to live, but I knew that was unrealistic.

Basically, that means my time is divided between job-search, family, and Brett. I have no social life to write about. It never struck me until now, but a lot of my posts in April had to do with goodbyes and packing, and all that stuff is over. And hasn't been replaced.

I'm sure once I actually "start over", I'll have more entertaining things to say.

On another note:
In the US this is Memorial Day weekend - a holiday to remember fallen service-men and -women. But, here is a more random...

Today's Reason to Celebrate:

On this date in 1521, Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms (that's "Vohrms") because of his religious beliefs and writings. Way to go, dude! Free us from that religious tyranny!

21 May, 2012

Allow Me To Explain OR "What Really Happened at The Avengers"

Ah...it's about time.
Methinks the squirrels are communing over the blog-fence.

I understand there's some scuttlebutt going on around the water coolers and fence-walls of the blogosphere. I have often in life found myself being fodder for the rumor-mill. I chalk it up to the fact that I refuse to confirm or deny any gossip I hear. And in that case, people like to believe the worst - or juiciest - whichever.

I would not have thought of this in terms of the internet, though. FYI, I am totally respectful of direct questions, if there's something anyone wants to know. (I'm not wild about people making plans/decisions concerning me, without my input, however.)

(really, they're whispering.)


In this instance, I don't know of any actual rumors or plans happening, but apparently my response to Rusty's comment on this post has raised speculation (seriously, click the link and read the comments.) Okay, maybe I figured it would, but I guess I assumed any further speculation would show in the comments of that post.

Ah well.


Your questions reached me. (Everyone needs Secret Squirrels!)

Allow me to illuminate you!

First, be sure you've looked at that comment and response. Okay... you with me?

Now, when I take the Movie Whore to a movie, she takes notes. (For an introduction to the Move Whore, click here) There's a tiny (2x4?) notepad in my purse that works just fine. When Brett and I went to The Avengers, I pulled out the notepad and a pen, and the Movie Whore started in with her random notes.


Well, movies are anti-social anyway, so if I'm going to sit and not talk with my internet fiance, the least we can do is have physical contact, right? About 1/4 of the way into the movie (maybe 1/3), my right hand was preoccupied with Brett's left ...or more often both.

I can write with my left hand (legibly, if not prettily), but my right hand is still the naturally dominant one. I do not believe I have the manual dexterity to hold down an itty-bitty notepad and write, both with my left hand, in a darkened theater. So the Movie Whore's notes stopped.

Just for clarity, we were not making out like a couple of teenagers. (Do they still do that at the movies? Seems like a waste of money to me.) A) I actually wanted to see the movie and B) The cinema was very full, and we were near the front...surrounded by teenagers and adults alike. I try to behave with discretion in public.

So I can't really fill a whole post about The Avengers. (Sorry, Rusty.) There may be a Movie Whore post forthcoming that incorporates The Avengers, and The Raven, and Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. None of those have good notes. (I saw The Raven in Delaware with my mother the day before moving, and took her to Marigold for Mothers Day.)

I hope that when people want to know things, they will actually ask. Hey, by asking a direct question, you're helping provide inspiration for a new blog post! Don't hide at the internet water-cooler!

16 May, 2012

Pardon the Interruption

We interrupt this blog to read
The Hunger Games

I started this morning and am almost halfway through it. (And that, with a several-hour interruption for interviewing and dress-fitting.) It is a very easy read.

(...and yes, I'm squandering a precious post to tell you all this. Rolling merrily along to the 100th...)

14 May, 2012

The Blog to End all Blogs - It's In There, I Know it Is!

CAUTION: This blog has no point, and will likely be a rambling one! (You've been warned.)

My blogging has slowed down since my recent relocation to my parents' house in Indiana. I really miss posting 5 or 6 days a week. Obviously, “Red” is not my real name. Recent followers may not have cottoned on to the fact that nobody in my RL (real life) knows that I even have a blog. It is hard to post frequently when I'm living with two relatives who don't know why I might need to be online so much!

I thought about just outting myself to my parents, but you know:

After it's out there, you can Never Take It Back!

So I won't.

I'll keep trying to discreetly write my posts on paper on my own time, send photos to my email to download to my laptop, and combine them in bits and pieces, in between the job search and what my father calls “The Devil's Playground” : facebook.
Facebook is EVIL!!! (so sayeth my father.)
Oh my! A wasp just totally landed on my face and bounced off! ...I'm out on the deck editing this post.
 
I've been thinking about what fun stuff to write, but it's all so new, and random, and humdrum right now, there's not a lot to say! I'm really bummed about that.


Brett recently posted his 100th blog with a list of 100 things about him that are not elsewhere in his blog. (I dare anyone to go through his archives and double check.) I'm coming up on my 100th, and started a list like that, but really don't think I'll do it. It's hard for me to think there could be 100 things that my 18 followers and half-dozen other regular commenters actually want to know!

Blogs I have in me waiting to come out, or partially written:

The story of the china.
Getting lost in the woods.
Something about Red&Brett. (There's stuff to say, but I don't think I know how to say it.)
My definitive work on Skin Cancer. (I'm gonna get it. Just sayin')
My Dad is trying to kill me.
The Avengers or The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel - or both.
Something about where I used to work, now that I'm no longer there.
The micro-brewery I found out about and now have to actually find and tour. ...after I tour it, of course.
Complete my IOU and recommend 4 more blogs.

...Oh. There's SO MUCH in my head. But all this fresh air. And gardening. And parental presence. ...and peace and quiet. Usually what's in my head bursts out - but there's no need right now, because there's nothing to burst through!

In short, dudes, I'm sorry I'm not on the blogosphere very much. I pop into your blogs as I can, but don't always leave comments if I'm on a computer that's not my own, because that means logging in, and that means leaving the address of my blog for one of the 'rents to see.

I feel so deceptive.

I can't wait to have my own place.

10 May, 2012

It's Like a Fairytale! - but with murderous rocks


This is a story about Queen Holly the Magnificent and her sidekick King. King is a backhoe that Queen Holly and her husband purchased to assist them with all the renovations they are making to their vast estate in Virginia.

Queen Holly is my personal hero, who rebuilt a chicken coop, has been waging devastating war on horrible invasive kitchen pests (raccoons or bears, I'm guessing), protects her peach orchard from wildlife (probably with a machete or something, because that's how she rolls), is custom-building - with A CHAINSAW and a lot of force - a fence around the property - or a significant portion thereof - and has been utilizing King to help move giant rocks from one end of her kingdom to the other, to create a retaining wall.

She IS the Queen. All Hail!

While doing all this, she is relaying the ongoing saga via her blog "A Holly with Follies", with a lot of humor, some creative cursing, and overall, serious, awesomeness.

Now that I reside in a rural neighborhood in hilly country, I have a greater understanding of the kind of things she's talking about. Although I've not yet had need to utilize the chainsaw, we have a retaining wall out back that made me chuckle inside. It's lovely, with tiny purple flowers that grow between the rocks. Here it is...

Sweet, yes? Why did I chuckle? Here's Holly's retaining wall...

Dude...A-Mazing!!!
 Yeah, ours is kind of baby-sized by comparison.

Holly recently wrote about her retaining wall trying to murder her. Last week our small (but aggressive) retaining wall tried to murder me! I was out mowing the back yard ("Just the sloping bits"...of 3 acres of hillside). I got to use the electric push-mower, dragging the cord back and forth around the yard. ...and yes, up and around to the top of the retaining wall.


See those lovely, decorative, curved bricks at the base? Yeah. They're not mortared in place. (Is "mortared" a word?) The cord got tangled around one of them and I almost pulled the whole brick base loose.

...so wait...I guess that means that *I* almost murdered the retaining wall. THAT'S the difference between our little wall and Queen Holly's behemoth.

And then, after all my caution, I mowed over the extension cord and MASSACRED it! I am "Red, The Desctructor"! MWAHahahaha! The longer I stay here, the more uniquely country things I experience. Hopefully I'll get good enough to be less destructive in future.

Today's Something to Celebrate:
I just totally gave you another blog recommendation, bringing my IOU down to 4! (click the links to see why I owe recommendations, if you're new.)

08 May, 2012

Coming to You From Somewhere Between Where I Was and Where I Will Be...

I never thought I was a country girl. I don't listen to country music. I don't drive a pick-up. I don't own cowboy boots. I have no desire to do any of that. (well, maybe the boots... depending on where I end up.)

Hmm...maybe not!

For those of you who are new here, I recently relocated to the Midwest from the East Coast. I'm at my parents' house, and I know their world, but for the moment I'm in the thick of it.

This morning a neighbor arrived looking for someone to spot him while he cut limbs from trees that were dragging on his garage roof. That would be me. Magnum (my dad's amazing dog who taught me that I can love dogs) accompanied me. Two other neighborhood dogs showed up. I know their names. Does this happen anywhere but the country? Then I walked Magnum through the woods and around the pond before going home and getting going on my job search.

I've been here a week. My recent, long-awaited, meeting with Brett (click the link if you missed it) and a spontaneous follow-up day together on Cinco de Mayo. (Joy!) has overshadowed the fact that I am jobless for the moment.

I did connect last week with the few contacts I had out here about possible job opportunities, only to find that at this time there is nothing available, but I did get information on when these places would be hiring again...not soon enough.

Yeah, my resume made
this much sense.

I started working on updating my resume, only to find that the only copy I had with me was on PDF, so I had to print it out and re-do the whole thing. Not a bad idea, since it needed reformatting and ...minimizing (for lack of a better word).


This week, I am full-bore hunting down new leads and perfecting a beautiful, concise yet thorough resume. Let me try to take you through my day today:

I had decided that, before perfecting the resume, it would be a good idea to see exactly what kind of jobs I was going to be shooting for out here. The first, easiest thing was to check out the State jobs site. Yeah. State of Indiana a) has nothing available in my field, and b) pays less than the State of Delaware. I really don't want to have two jobs again!

There is a city in the region that has been sticking in my head as the area for me to be - to be near enough for a quick visit to my parents without being up their nose all the time. So my next, easiest thing, was to check out that city's website and see what they might have. Yeah. Nothing.

Have you ever been spelunking? Or not even spelunking, but just in a cave...like as a tourist or something. They seem to be massive tunnels that you follow deeper and deeper, with occasional openings into big open areas.

Cathedral Caverns. It's big, dudes!
Well, suddenly I was struck by a sense that I was in a big cave, but I couldn't find the opening, because it was like being in the middle of the cavern...far from any wall that could lead me to the way out. It was kind of a dark sensation for the middle of the day. See, this is weird for me. I've never been completely out of work. (Well okay, for about a week and a half once. Hey...huh...I've just reached that. Too bad I didn't think of that this morning when I was in the cave!)
I googled "Yoda and Luke Skywalker".
Google, this is a FAIL! BIG-TIME!

Did I mention that I had on Empire Strikes Back as background while online? Yeah. I'm in the country, and it was a beautiful day and the birds were singing in so many languages it was actually distracting. I know ESB so well that it can fade into the background. So I let it.

And then it got to that scene where Luke is training with Yoda and he can't do what's requested so being the pouty snot he is he says "You want the impossible!" to Yoda, who says right back, "Always with you it cannot be done."

Well, that Star Wars dose of reality really helped. "Try not! Do, or do not: there is no try!" Amen, Yoda. Amen. In that same vein I decided that all the "no"s I was coming across were like a Jedi mind trick: "These aren't the jobs you're looking for." I know. I'm such a nerd. But it helped!

I spent the rest of the afternoon finishing what I hope is the final version of my resume. GEEZ! Sometimes I think I'm a perfectionist. Hopefully it's perfect for whatever job I find.

06 May, 2012

"Mirror, Mirror" on the Wall, Who's the Biggest Movie Whore of All?

I entertained the Movie Whore by going to "Mirror, Mirror" one afternoon - feels like an age ago - when I was in Baltimore for a "hello" to Misty and a good-bye to my rollercoaster buddy. The Movie Whore had some thoughts about the movie, obviously, because she's totally opinionated. They were really random thoughts, so...well, bear with me.


At first, the Movie Whore thought we had made a terrible mistake!

M.W.: Uh-oh - Julia Roberts is trying an English accent? What is that? wait...dropped R's and soft vowels do not equate to an accent. Dude, Red does a MUCH more realistic English accent. Or...Hm, is that really what she's going for? Oh, this could be torture. What did I waste money on?

...okay. That seemed to be her narration voice. She was more herself as the Evil Queen. Which is a problem. Julia Roberts isn't "evil"! She doesn't do "evil" at all believably. She can do damaged. She can do tormented. She does sympathetic well. SOOO not evil. Hmm...


M.W.: That dude from Social Network is... the Prince? Hm. Interesting. Looks good. Plays it well.

...It's a shame that the guy who played the other twin in Social Network had this face digitally imprinted over his own. He's never gonna be recognized. ...I wonder what he's up to.

Then the movie got cute. There's some fun dialog, some irony. Like when the queen is all flustered about having a half-naked man in front of the throne, and he tells his sidekick "Women always get crazy when there's a Prince in the room." Ri-i-i-ight. The de-clothed-ness has nothing to do with it!

M.W.: Oh-oh-oh! GROSS! EWWWW! ...hilarious. The Queen's "Treatment" is as good as the pie from The Help. That's all I'm saying. MWAHahaha!
...Oooh! Love the Queen's  bathrobe!

Okay. The dwarves start training Snow to be a dwarf. That is some fun stuff. The dwarves kick butt. Best part of the movie, these seven!

Being a dwarf isn't just about size!
~~~
M.W. Now that's cute. The Queen:"Get this man a shirt so I can concentrate." Nice.

You can tell he's trying to kill her, right?

The Movie Whore's favorite quick-line comeback in a movie. Ever. (or at least, that she can think of at the moment):
Snow is pining for the Prince, and some of the dwarves are confused.
"He tried to kill her today!"
"What do you think love is?"
True. So true.


(As Jenny Lawson says in her book: Maybe this is what real love is: Trying to make it less difficult for someone to kill you.)

I love those dwarves.
The dwarves, whose names are not at all like Disney's dwarves.

...and by the way, anyone trying to crash a wedding? Watch "Mirror, Mirror". Those guys know how to crash a wedding!

And the close of the movie? Don't get up too soon. There's some very cool Bollywood-style end credit music and a dance party. Sweet.

Like I said, kind of random thoughts. All in all, I might actually add this to my collection. It's pretty fun, even though Julia Roberts was mis-cast.

02 May, 2012

Red Arrived in the “Brett Zone” and WAS NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN...

...seriously people, this is the Movie Whore and Red's Inner Bibliophile (I.B., here. I'm going to try to sit back and just edit). Red drove off to meet her internet fiance Brett today, and hasn't been in her right mind since. We can only assume she's in some “other” mind (or “frame of”). But we knew you'd like to know what happened, so we'll do the best we can.

(okay, I.B. again. The Movie Whore does a fine job telling this story, but she's not a reader. I know readers, and some of you out there skip to the end. Shame on you. But just so that you WON'T do that, I am over-riding the Movie Whore's instincts and editing the order of this story, by bringing the end to the top. Enjoy.)
~~~
Seriously, that was an awesome good-bye. I bet Red can't wait to see him again, just to say good-bye again! ...well, maybe not just that. And I guess more to the point she probably wishes she'd stayed there just a little bit longer.

Are these squirrels, I.B.?
No, Whore, those are Prairie Dogs.
Whatever. Rodents.

But DUDE! It sure took them long enough to get there! They should have started their day that way.

I.B.: No-no. It was just right. They had to get used to each other's presence first. And it didn't matter that they started slow. These two can't keep anything from each other. Didn't you hear them?

Yeah, yeah. They both wanted to start out by greeting the other with a kiss. Both FAILED! Sad, so sad. It would have made a better opening scene if they had. ...I should have written this script. Romance is wasted on the unromantic.

I.B.: Maybe a better scene, but think it through. If they started the way they ended, would they have had the rest of their random adventure?

Sure! You know Red loves her “random”.

I.B.: Yeah, but after 3 months of talk? It's better that they ended today this way. It's a better story. PLUS you know there will be a sequel.

~~~

(I.B. the editor back again: There, now you know it ended well. And some goobers who still skipped to the bottom will have learned their lesson! Now I'll let the Movie Whore tell it.)

First off, if this were a movie, the costumes would get about a B-. Red stuck to her guns (thankfully) and dressed as she naturally would in shorts and a tank for such a hot day. She did NOT follow Aphrodite's unsolicited advice to wear a dress. But seriously, Red? Sandals? Fail. Big time fail. Should have gone with flip-flops.

I.B.: Brett looked good, what's your complaint there, Movie Whore?

Brett did look good in his black jeans and light blue shirt that matched his eyes perfectly. (Yeah, we're onto you, Brett; that was SO not a coincidence!) But jeans? In 85-degree weather? Fail.

They both looked good, natural, like themselves, but since they both got a FAIL, that brings them both down to a B-.

I.B.: Okay, I'll go along with that logic. Tell them about the State Park Fiasco!

Yeah. They had this one all figured out until the day before when they decided to meet at a different State Park. See, Red liked the idea of meeting at a park because it's different, it's active, you get to really see what the other person is like. ...It's a good idea, really. Only because of the last minute change, Red and Brett found themselves at a state park whose nature center was not open – not such a catastrophe since it turned out to be sunny for the first time since Red got here! - but Red gets these ideas in her head, and so this "not being able to meet at the nature center" kind of threw her off.

Anyway, they started off on one of the trails, just chatting like on one of their phone calls. Boring stuff. Then they get to the puddles in the path and Red remembered that it had been raining for 3 days! Seriously, what a goober she is. After a while of both of these two nuts trying to find the dry ground on either side of the many puddles, and of Red finding guck squishing into her sandals, she finally took them off and carried them. This is what I'm saying: FLIP-FLOPS!

I.B. Hey at least there can be no pretense! She wanted to be her real, natural self and not the dress-wearing perfect Miss that Aphrodite was suggesting... and I think squishing through the mud and splattering it from your shoes onto your clothes qualifies as “real” and “natural”!

Whatever. When they got back to the parking lot, they decided to find something else to do that would be less hot and muddy. Thanks to Brett's road atlas, they trekked off down the road to a town of historical significance that was in the direction of Brett's hometown.

I.B.: Oh that's good. I know Red was concerned about the fact that he had to drive the furthest.

Yeah, but did you hear later when he said he didn't mind driving so far, because he knew she had just driven across the country? Geez. Is it possible for two people to be TOO considerate of each other?

I.B.: I don't know. But it sure seemed like the two of them together have difficulty making any clear decisions. Go on with the story, you're doing fine.

Well, kudos to the historian who was giving the tour of these little buildings from a time before Indiana was even a state. He really knew his stuff and was very thorough. Red is a very good audience, and she later blamed herself for how long he took. But after all, this is her new home state, and she loves this kind of stuff anyway.

The funny thing was that later, when Red blamed herself, Brett agreed that the historian seemed to get excited every time she asked questions.

I.B.: Do most people not ask questions when they're touring an historical site?

I dunno. I've only ever been in Red's head. I don't think she's a good example of “normal”. ...and what's with the pretentious "an historical", I.B? Loosen up!

I.B.: Whatever. They both got a personalized bookmark out of the tour, and I LOVE it! I'll put it in the book I'm reading right now! But moving on, what did you think of the dinner scene? (if that's what we're calling it, because it was quite early for true “dinner”.)

That was a surprise! I know neither one had eaten before they met, so by 4:30 in the afternoon of course they were hungry, but Red was intentionally avoiding that scenario by doing the park thing because if you do a meal there's the whole “decision-making” thing, the whole “here's what I don't eat” thing, the possibility of dripping/splattering all over yourself, the possibility that he might chew with his mouth open and then it's all over(because that's disgusting), and of course the whole “Bistromathics” thing. ...although she needn't have worried: Brett took care of the Bistromathics issue by just paying for everything, like a gentleman.

I.B.: Should we explain Bistromathics?

Nah, Red already did. I'll just link to that post
(For those of you who aren't going to click the link,
Bistromathics is a theory from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.)

I.B.: You may be on to something with your "is it possible to be TOO considerate?" Although they decided on Fazoli's pretty quickly, for all Red's concerns about eating on a first "date".

I think Red was only pretending to be indecisive about where to eat. She knew full well she'd passed a Fazoli's, and ever since Brett's daughter made a comment about that chain on her FB page, Red's been looking forward to that aspect of Indiana.

I.B.: See what I mean? Too considerate. She could just as easily have said, “I saw a Fazoli's, and I've been anxious to eat there, because we don't have them in Delaware.” Brett's a very easy-going guy. He wouldn't have minded ...and then someone would have made a quick decision!

Well, regardless of how they got there, the dining scene was my least favorite part of today: No action. Just two people talking and eating. And then good-bye.

I.B.: Good-bye was good!

Good-bye was very good! I'd watch a replay of that. Maybe that's where Red is...watching the replay. Haha!

(I.B. the editor: For those of you who jumped to the end first, regardless of the warning. HAHA! Joke's on you! The ending is at the beginning!)

Well, hopefully Red will return to her right mind soon enough to field the comments. I don't know if we're equipped to answer any questions!

01 May, 2012

Stupid Blogger!

(So my latest post is HERE, because for some reason Blogger decided to post it on the last day I tried to post it. Sorry for the confusion. Believe me I'm as confused as you are.)