CAUTION: This Post has been rated PG -
for some strong language.
...because I'm pissed.
Who the HELL gave you the right to critique my weight?
(Well okay, not "you" particularly, the generic "you" meaning "people in general")
Are we as a society so accustomed to FAT that when someone is actually maintaining a healthy weight, we think they are "too thin"? ...the fuck?
(And by "we as a society", I'm curious if this is just an American phenomenon.)
AND YES I AM GOING TO USE
THE "F-WORD": FAT. No euphemisms here. We use a lot of nicer-words: "heavy", "curvy", "big". Dude, my 14yo nephew has high cholesterol and is on track for diabetes, but is he fat? No, he's a "big boy".
I know exactly what is considered the healthy weight-range for a woman of my age and height. I was just above it when I started losing weight last year. I lost 20 pounds. At that point I was still within a healthy range for myself. (I've since gained back almost half of it, and I'm fine with that, as long as I can fit my clothes.)
Co-workers could observe daily as my old clothes got baggy, and I started wearing smaller sizes. Some were supportive. Some said they wished they could do the same...while they ate subs and fries for lunch. One woman, who is clearly outside of the healthy zone for her, started cautioning me not to lose too much more weight or I'd be "too thin".
Dude, I wanted to smack the self-righteous bitch. I would have said to her "When you get off your fat ass and DO SOMETHING...and when you are eating more healthily than I am...when you are overall more healthy than I, THEN you can offer me advice." Bitch. I didn't say that, of course. I don't curse like that.
So where is this uncharacteristic-for-me rant coming from?
Today I tried on the Bridesmaid Dress again. The one that I was having altered because when it arrived in Delaware it was too tight, and when I went to the seamstress and tried it on 2 weeks ago, it was still too tight. It is a gorgeous dress, and extremely well-made. So much so that the seamstress (not a professional) was a little nervous to cut it, and recommended another woman finish the job.
Today we talked to the other seamstress, who said she could, but it would be better if we found someone who makes their living doing this. Upon returning home, I tried it on. (Don't ask me why I didn't try it on last night.) It fit.
Dudes, it needed to be let out by almost 2 inches. I'm pretty proud of myself that not only did it fit this afternoon, but I could zip it up myself. "Fitting" while having someone else help tug together the two sides of the zipper is one thing. "Fitting" with no assistance is excellent.
...so I did what everyone does when they meet a goal: I posted it on facebook.
Just like anyone, I want the kudos due me for achieving this goal. (I still have to maintain it for a few weeks, but at least I'm there.) If there's one good thing about facebook, it's the instant gratification of "like". And I got a few of those, a few positive comments, including one from a friend who was with me through the lost 20 pounds.
Then SHE struck. SHE is an old friend (I can't think of a pseudonym for her at the moment) from college who actually lives in the area. ...well, about an hour away. We finally got together last week, and she said I looked good, but again with the "don't lose any more" -
~~GRR...Why the FUCK do people think it's okay to judge my weight?!?!?! ~~
She's fat. Okay, I said it. I know, she has reasons: can't get around a lot, medications, blah-blah-blah. She even admits she's overweight. So What in Hell or Heaven or all the worlds between gives her the right to make random statements about my weight when it's not okay for me to tell her she needs to lose about half of herself?
But that's not what set me off. No. That was days ago, when I told her I was still working my way into the dress and she advised me (unsolicited) to put weight back on after the wedding.
No. When I posted that I fit the dress today, her comment?
"Good, 'cuz another 10 pounds and you'd be anorexic."
BITCH!
For the record, I would not. I couldn't be skin and bones if I tried. I'd ask Brett to vouch for me, since he first met me 2 days after I got here, and saw me the day after SHE did - and therefore could confirm that I've not lost noticeable weight in that time, but I'm not the kind of girl to put a guy on the spot. (Seriously Brett, not asking.) You will therefore have to trust that I am at a healthy size.
I deleted the comment. I really hope-hope-hope she asks me about it. I have tried to maintain our friendship, because I know she is not in a good way, and needs someone on her side. But she's making it difficult.
Seriously, do YOU randomly comment on people's weight? I mean, the occasional "wow you look great have you lost weight" notwithstanding?
Also seriously, is this just America, or is all the world so used to fat that normal looks thin?
...Okay. PG over. I'll go back to my G-rating. I'd apologize for all the language, which is NEVER in here (in case you're new), but I really needed to get that off my chest. Thank you!
Same thing happened to me! I lost 30 lbs almost 3 years ago, and I actually lost the weight pretty fast (crazy what a healthy diet and regular running can do!). People were convinced I was anorexic to the point where I felt like I had to overeat a little around them to prove something. Then I thought to myself... "F*CK it. I feel better than I ever had in my life, and that's all that matters!" I've gained back 10 lbs since, because I was getting shin splits from all the running and prefer to have boobs/curves :) But the extra 20 is staying off and there's nothing unhealthy about that.
ReplyDeleteSo good for you! Don't let 'em get to you - it sounds like a cliche, but they really are just jealous. (and the dress is gorgemous!)
You're right of course, if I'm not taking their advice anyway, I shouldn't be annoyed by it.
DeleteI don't change my eating, though. I still indulge myself now and then, so if I'm still healthy it must be okay.
Ohhhhh I so know the feeling!!! I adore food and it would be impossible for me to become anorexic - absolutely impossible - and yet people worry. It can be very annoying! However, my present experience has been pretty good. I've only received one or two frustrating comments. For the most part people have been very supportive.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the local culture goes; they like fat. Not obesity, but chubby is definitely in. Malayali girls are most often extremely thin until their marriage - but once they marry they suddenly gain (even before having a kid).
One of the reasons they prefer a bit of fat is because it signifies prosperity. If you're fat, it means you're wealthy enough to eat well. For example, right now I'm I'm about twenty lbs overweight (according to my doctors) but the local people tell me I'm perfect.
However, if I get to the point where I'm too skinny in their eyes, they won't be annoying about it the way your friend was. They usually comment with a lot of care and consideration - not with stupid public statements about becoming anorexic.
I know you worked hard to lose the weight you just took off. That is an awesome achievement! I'm sure you feel a lot better about your overall health, even though your doctor says there's still more to lose.
DeleteGood for you!
Thanks :)
DeleteYOU need to set the standard for where you want to be, no one else.
ReplyDeleteHey, i'm passing on a kreativ Blogger award to you, If you're so inclined, stop off at my newest post for the details. :)
Hey thanks! I'll go check it out!
DeleteI agree that such remarks are just plain ignorant, and are most often made by folks who are overweight. This falls back to the same rule that goes for everything... "if you can't say something nice to or about someone, it's better to say nothing at all". Sometimes well meant advice is a cover for something else. Sometimes it is based on the concern that a person who has been very overweight still sees themselves that way and will lose to excess, but that is rare, and no one has the right to make comments that will cause you to doubt yourself, or bring you down. I'm betting you look spectacular in that dress!
ReplyDeleteThank you Josie! Her comment just seemed unsupportive. Fortunately, there are others around me who make up for it.
DeleteI'm betting the same thing.
DeleteThanks! I feel so much better knowing it's the entire western society!
ReplyDeletePeople trying to tell me what to do always bugs me. Must be the whole "baby of a big family" thing...I've always had a zillion people telling me what to do, and now that I'm an adult, I can handle my own decisions, thankyouverymuch!
Yeah, I think it's kind of a double standard. You absolutely cannot tell someone that they are fat, or "hey, looks like you've put on a few pounds," or "lay off the cheetos tubby, or you'll get another chin to add to your already abundant ones." But nobody seems to have a problem telling people they are skinny. I think it is society, in that being thin is in, while being fat isn't, so it's a sensitive topic. But really, because of all the health issues associated with obesity, I think more people SHOULD go around telling people to knock it off with the cheesesteaks already. It would hurt people's feelings, yes, but maybe that's what is needed. Either that or MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BIZ about how people look. I am overweight. I know this, or course. I'm working on it. But if people were always telling me "damn, you really should lose some weight!" (I should) I would be morified. Same goes with, "damn, you are losing TOO MUCH weight." Shut it, tubbo.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for fitting in the dress. That is the most important thing is that you feel good and look good. Screw the haters!
Thank you, that's exactly what I think. I don't intend to ever tell people who are overweight that they need to lose it: that's not my business. (for all I know, they could be perfectly healthy in every way but weight.) But likewise, it is not their business to discuss mine.
DeleteThis incident just got under my skin.
Oh, and I'll need to see a picture of you in this dress, of course!! I promise I won't "whack" you!! :)
DeleteSince you've met me, making me non-anonymous, I will email you a picture after the event. :)
DeleteIs the event local? (Meaning local to me and where you used to live, not where you are now . . . I probably could have just asked it that way. Meh).
Delete(sorry, my response deleted!)
DeleteNo, it's quite a trek from either location. A Delaware friend who relocated.
Don't worry, I'll pass through the Balto area sometime!
Congrats! Not only on losing the weight, but fitting into the dress without having to get it altered.
ReplyDeleteTime and time again, I've had to ignore comments or even status' on Facebook. I have to just keep telling myself "it's just for fun" because so many people take it seriously. Even if the person who said it couldn't stop themselves. Chances are, she doesn't even realize it offended you. Some people just don't think of the consequences of what they are saying. They are truly oblivious to the fact that they upset you. Just try to remember, people are stupid and can't help themselves.
I have no idea what you look like, but I guarantee you look great in your dress. If you (and Brett) say you'll look great in it, who am I to say you don't.
Sometimes it's hard for me to ignore a personal comment. That's why I freely delete if need be. One other time I deleted someone's comment on my fb, because they were cursing, and I have young nieces and nephews connected to me. That guy noticed and asked if I was offended. I wasn't offended by that comment, just preferred it without the language.
DeleteThank you.
Thank you! It takes a certain amount of focus.
ReplyDelete...and I'm not "skinny" by any means, but that didn't stop her. Must be a matter of perspective.
I've never been on the receiving end of many weight related comments, but I can understand. I'm kinda tired of hearing people remark on someone's weight like it is the only thing that matters. Do you know what I mean? Like people don't say "I haven't seen you in ages congrats on the new job," they say, "wow! you have lost/gained weight." Like that is the stick on which to measure people by.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That's exactly my point. Maybe it's just a result of the obesity epidemic. But knowing the cause doesn't make me like it!
ReplyDeleteUgh. I think you are correct, the majority of people are overweight (sadly), and somehow it is becoming the norm. I don't understand the mentality that it's okay to point out someone's thin-ness. It would never occur to me to say, 'Hey, watch out for those hamburgers because you're already pretty fat!'
ReplyDeleteAnd apparently it's only if there's a change. After I had lost the 20 ponds, I was out with some friends who had a guest from out of state. The guest was describing someone in his office and said, "she's thin and fit...like you." He didn't think I was too skinny because he didn't know I usually have a couple inches of padding!
DeleteAustralia here and I totally hear you...... It would be rude for me to say "OMG you've got so fat you should really try to lose some weight" You know I'd be the bitch right?? ...... but apparently it's ok for them to turn around and say " Jesus look how skinny you've gotten do you eat anything at all" with some stupid grin like it's some sort of compliment! o.O phfftt...... you keep doing what you are doing to be happy......!!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I intend to do just that...but maybe with less of the whole "letting them get under my skin" thing.
DeleteThere is a lot of info out there on both the "skinny" and "fat" illnesses, the only difference is, you can die from starvation. Fat deaths are one off (diseases related to obesity such as heart and cholesterol not weight itself). They are both dangerous.
ReplyDeleteYou look great and I am jealous of your self control and will power.
It is the brain, most people with weight issues know there is a problem. The heavy ones usually tell themselves they just don't care. The other end of the spectrum is hypersensitive to comments and everything said tells them to lose more.
She obviously doesn't know you very well if she felt you needed guidance. If it was a joke, it was in very poor taste.
Your fat sister
True, a person could die of starvation. But I'm not starving. I've never starved myself. I'm not skinny. I've never been skinny.
ReplyDeleteAnd that still doesn't make it right for people who would never comment on someone being overweight to comment on a normal-weight (or even underweight) person.
I'll walk with you on Sunday!