10 May, 2012

It's Like a Fairytale! - but with murderous rocks


This is a story about Queen Holly the Magnificent and her sidekick King. King is a backhoe that Queen Holly and her husband purchased to assist them with all the renovations they are making to their vast estate in Virginia.

Queen Holly is my personal hero, who rebuilt a chicken coop, has been waging devastating war on horrible invasive kitchen pests (raccoons or bears, I'm guessing), protects her peach orchard from wildlife (probably with a machete or something, because that's how she rolls), is custom-building - with A CHAINSAW and a lot of force - a fence around the property - or a significant portion thereof - and has been utilizing King to help move giant rocks from one end of her kingdom to the other, to create a retaining wall.

She IS the Queen. All Hail!

While doing all this, she is relaying the ongoing saga via her blog "A Holly with Follies", with a lot of humor, some creative cursing, and overall, serious, awesomeness.

Now that I reside in a rural neighborhood in hilly country, I have a greater understanding of the kind of things she's talking about. Although I've not yet had need to utilize the chainsaw, we have a retaining wall out back that made me chuckle inside. It's lovely, with tiny purple flowers that grow between the rocks. Here it is...

Sweet, yes? Why did I chuckle? Here's Holly's retaining wall...

Dude...A-Mazing!!!
 Yeah, ours is kind of baby-sized by comparison.

Holly recently wrote about her retaining wall trying to murder her. Last week our small (but aggressive) retaining wall tried to murder me! I was out mowing the back yard ("Just the sloping bits"...of 3 acres of hillside). I got to use the electric push-mower, dragging the cord back and forth around the yard. ...and yes, up and around to the top of the retaining wall.


See those lovely, decorative, curved bricks at the base? Yeah. They're not mortared in place. (Is "mortared" a word?) The cord got tangled around one of them and I almost pulled the whole brick base loose.

...so wait...I guess that means that *I* almost murdered the retaining wall. THAT'S the difference between our little wall and Queen Holly's behemoth.

And then, after all my caution, I mowed over the extension cord and MASSACRED it! I am "Red, The Desctructor"! MWAHahahaha! The longer I stay here, the more uniquely country things I experience. Hopefully I'll get good enough to be less destructive in future.

Today's Something to Celebrate:
I just totally gave you another blog recommendation, bringing my IOU down to 4! (click the links to see why I owe recommendations, if you're new.)

25 comments:

  1. You murder that retaining wall! Don't let it give you no shit. And I am so happy that you posted about my demon project. I just had the worst day at work and this really made my day to the MAX! :)

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    1. Oh, I'm sorry you had a rough day.

      I think the whole world should be reading your blog. Because it's like a TV show...one episode leads to the next.

      And just think, Ken is going to post about it too! You are inspiring the world!

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    2. I know, I'm really excited to see where he takes it. I wonder if he has built any retaining walls lately? :)

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    3. I had this idea for a post on a retaining wall that i had been working on, now and then for a couple of years. Then i read about, and saw, Holly's Magnificent retaining wall and mine looked rather pathetic by comparison. I have to completely rework what i had in mind to pay homage.

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    4. Yeah, her wall is impressive. But you know, all wall's are not equal!

      Still can't wait to read it. :)

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  2. Those electric mowers are not too shabby, but the electric weed-eaters are crap. Now I'm totally curious... I'll have to check out Holly's blog and find out what this ordeal is all about!

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    1. Yeah, I haven't had to mow for 6 years. I was doing pretty well until I ran over the cord. I didn't slide into the ravine or anything!

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  3. Sounds like to much effort to me :p

    I'm not very "handy"

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    1. Indeed. A LOT of work.

      I'm happy to let others do it. But I did move here to be a help for my parents, so if I can do some mowing, or realign the brick trim around the drive - yeah, I did that, too - then I'll do so with a smile.

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  4. Sounds like something I would do! It takes me forever to master anything new - and I'm sure I would have done much worse to the wall, lawn and mower by the time I had finished. I, myself, would have probably remained intact because I'm careful that way... but everything else would have been destroyed. I think you need to visit Queen Holly for the day and play with King.

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    1. But do it when I come to the States since (if I remember right) she's in Texas and then I would come too.

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    2. That would be a fun trip. I'd love to visit Holly, and you, and play with King... But she's in Virginia. Not sure how that works.

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    3. Awwww I was so sure she was in Texas.

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    4. I got it! It's been bugging me lol... I confused Queen Holly with Creative Devolutions. Creative Devolutions is in Tx.

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  5. You get an 'A' in my book for mowing the lawn, even if you chopped up the extension cord. If it were me it would probably have been a body part, my own, like a toe or foot or something. Machinery is not my friend.

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    1. I didn't feel too bad about the extension cord, because I had one of the same length, and I knew exactly where it was, in a reachable box. So I just replaced it.

      I was mostly surprised that I met with no complaints about "how" I mowed the lawn!

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  6. An electric push-mower? and you still managed to almost crumble your wall and sever the cord? I guess this means we shouldn't let you near anything petrol powered, for the sake of the retaining barrier and the rest of your property :P

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    1. Probably not. And I won't cry about it.

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  7. That big one is a retaining wall just like the Great Wall of China was a retaining wall. That'll stop the Mexicans getting in.

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    1. Ha! I love it! I hope Holly sees this comment. She calls it "her demon project".

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  8. Where is our video of you tangling with the wall and terrorizing the power cord? This could make for great YouTube viewing... next time you go out to play, set up a camera! :-) Seriously, sounds like you were working hard and got the job done, glad there were no complaints!

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    1. Sadly (?) I optimistically think I won't do things like that, so it never occurs to me to record them!

      I do believe my parents' yard/garden/property/acreage/minefield will be the death of me!

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  9. Why do they make mowers with cords, that's what I want to know. It's like it's just asking to be run over and destroyed. I do the same thing with my vacuum, only running over a cord with a vacuum doesn't (usually) destroy it.

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    1. I was just thinking of that this morning when I was vacuuming! I tried to conscientiously keep the cord out of the way, then realized it really wouldn't matter.

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I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.