11 July, 2012

The Killer Bridesmaid Dress of Death (Or "How to Suffocate While Looking Gorgeous")

Some of you have been awaiting this. Sorry it took so long to write.
...And I'm equally sorry that it will be in two parts. I hate that. But it just got too long.


If you've been around here long enough, you may recall my anxiety over trying to fit into my bridesmaid dress. (If you haven't been here long enough, THIS post gives the backstory.)


On Friday June 15, I headed off toward the wedding site in New Hampshire. Normally I travel alone. It just works for me. This time, I had a Travel Companion. I wasn't really concerned about that change to my routine. However, my usual airline of choice, Southwest, does not currently fly to our destination. (They go as far as Boston, not close enough.)


I'll spare you the frustrating details of our trip to New Hampshire (details are at that "Travel Companion" link). In brief, we left my house for Indianapolis International Airport at 4 a.m. Yes, 4 a.m. Friday. Nice, yeah?

It had quite a zing. Yum.

Well, I owe it to Sweety Darlin' to compliment her recommendation of an airport bar in Newark. I wasn't sure we'd need it, but due to the agony which is United Airlines, we stopped at the Oyster Bar for breakfast. I had an AMAZING Bloody Mary, because what else can you drink at breakfast time? (I don't typically enjoy them. This was outstanding.) Eventually we arrived in Portland, Maine, 1 1/2 hours later than planned, dropped luggage at the hotel in New Hampshire, rapidly changed for rehearsal, and arrived at the church at 3:08pm... 8 minutes late.


~~~
After relating our travel woes to the bride, she was somewhat relieved: that would be the only crisis of the weekend, clearly. (Apparently no one is more superstitious than a bride.)
~~~


Okay, let me just say that, in all my experiences being part of weddings (5 times prior to this), I have never known the minister to NOT be present at the rehearsal.
Instead of the minister, there was a designated "wedding/event coordinator" and her assistant...whose name the scatterbrained coordinator could not remember. Then again, she was insane. ...And frankly, driving the bride insane. The assistant seemed to be the one who was on the ball.
At least they had a beautiful pipe organ!


Fortunately, the rehearsal wasn't outrageously long. After all, my Travel Companion didn't really need to be there. Afterward, we all caravaned to the site of the rehearsal dinner and were early together ...hangin' out
...looking like thugs (well-dressed thugs)
...waiting for them to unlock the doors.


By the end of dinner, I had a new friend in the MOH, and my Travel Companion had new friends in the form of the bride's two nieces and one nephew. Yep. Aged... 6 to 12? This meal was huge, and expensive, and drinks included. Mind you, I'd not seen my dress for three weeks. (I had shipped it to the bride after ensuring that it fit.)


I allowed myself just one drink.


...something like this.
See? Waves!


Next on the agenda? A harbor cruise.


That's right. This couple is very New England, very outdoorsy, and he proposed on a nearby island. The cruise was their way of giving family and friends a chance to get to know each other, and to show off an important area of their history as a couple.
The island of their engagement.


The chartered boat hosted 50+ people, and the bride and groom had set up a wide variety of snacks and beverages, plus open bar. The MOH and bride both conspired to convince me that any alcohol consumption the night before wouldn't really hurt my chances of fitting the dress.


I had two or three drinks.



The cruise ended at 10 pm, and we made our exhausted way to the hotel. It had been one long day and there was an early morning to come.


~~~
I really hate to do this, but this is getting long. I will have to continue it. SO SORRY! But the second half will be up soon... I promise.

TO BE CONTINUED...

17 comments:

  1. Ohhh! Didn't see that coming...I was so into this story! Okay, I guess I'll have to be patient (not my strong suit) and wait until tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SO sorry. Part II is almost done.

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  2. I'm curious too. What happened next?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No spoilers! You'll have to wait...

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  3. How does drinking stop you from being able to fit in your dress? Are they made that tight?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At the first meeting with the seamstress who was to take up the hem and do the alterations, it needed to be let out about 2 inches. Before I sent it to NH, I was able to zip it up without any help holding it together or anything. So I knew I had to be careful of my eating habits in general.

      The human body does not process alcohol well. All the sugars just turns into fat.

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  4. Oh no, you left us hanging in suspense here! I can't wait to read the rest of the story! :-))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hated to do a cliffhanger. I'm adding pictures to the next part. It'll be up this evening for sure.

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  5. Hmmm, I will venture a guess that the bride and MOH were incorrect in their assumption that a few more drinks would hinder your ability to fit into the dress, yes? I mean, after all, I did read the title.

    Awaiting part two anxiously. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am SO BAD at "dieting", but I'd been trying to at least maintain since I last tried it on.

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  6. I've never had drinks prevent me from getting into a dress. Although at one point in the past I have cheated and worn a corset-sih under garment to,ah, smooth things out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, that kind of "cincher" thing was already a part of the wardrobe. It had been for both of the previous fittings. There was no going without it!

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  7. The tension is building...

    At least I don't have to wait as long as your other readers ;) I guess that is the only good thing about being behind your reading list

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate cliffhangers, but it was too long for just one.

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  8. I like to pretend that alcoholic beverages contain zero calories. There is a Nellie science to this, which is nothing like real science. I have it written down somewhere. Let me see, the alcohol kills germs, right? Well, it turns out that it also burns calories. I can try to find my notebook, but for now, just believe me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love it! Like "broken cookies have no calories", or "same colored foods have the same calories".

      ...and I get it. If alcohol kills germs, well, the germs must weigh something, and the body is getting rid of that. Makes perfect sense to me!

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I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.