(and this may turn out incoherent.)
Two students at my high school alma mater died today in a boating accident. Or something. See, I was not a huge fan of the school I graduated from, don't go to the reunions, have removed myself from the alumni newsletter list, and am in touch with about 5 people I knew back then.
High School was a not a good experience for me. So when I saw the first post about this on facebook, I read the article - two students were missing - and thought nothing. (Someone commented that they saw an article stating the bodies were found.) Alumni are up in arms all over facebook, praying for the families, the school, etc. Naturally so.
It just takes a while for me to feel anything for a place I spent so much energy despising. BUT, these are teenagers, whose families are hurting. This is a private school, and it takes courage for parents to send their kids away. (If you followed me during the A-to-Z challenge, you probably picked up the fact that I went to boarding school. This was not the same school.)
It finally hit me, and yes, my heart hurts for this incident. But I can tell no one here, because no one knows my past. I might be an anonymous blogger, but I am also "anonymous" here at work. It wasn't intentional, but no one asked or tried to get to know me that well early on, and after a year or so, it would be LUDICROUS to suddenly let my Indian bosses know that I grew up in their mother country!
So I keep quiet.
I'm uncomfortable saying anything on facebook, too, because some coworkers are facebook friends with me, and besides, my half-dozen high school friends know how much I hated it. It just seems hypocritical.
So anyway, this is my statement to the universe that yes, I feel.
Sorry for the downer, folks. I'll be back on top soon!
You can be down for however long you need to be down. Period.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who operates the same way, keeps things very much inside and then will suddenly say "hey, did I ever tell you..." So I know the type :)
I'm sorry about these kids. And I'm sorry about the memories, but it seems to me that this is a big thing for you right now. First the challenge, and then when you thought you were done with it, this. So I'd think about that and what that means for you.
That's interesting about your work environment. But now, pest that I am, I issue a challenge: find a segue and just work it into conversation. In fact, I would enjoy it if it were the most obscure fact or experience you could think of.
And then take a cue from my friend, when they look at you with surprise. Say "Oh, didn't I mention it?"
I'm really working on being mindful - keeping my mind in each moment. So it always throws me when the past kicks me in the shins. It's the past, and I need to let it go. That's my next challenge to myself!
DeleteI can empathize with you about high school. Why do people automatically decide that high school should be the best years of our lives, when so often they are not! For a lot of people. I am saddened by the lost of lives at your alma mater. I don't think you sound at all hypocritical. Just very truthful!
ReplyDeleteOh no, that's so sad! At least you have this blog where you can vent, since you don't really have anywhere else... And just because you didn't enjoy high school doesn't mean you don't still have feelings about your alma mater or that you can't empathize when something tragic happens. I'm so sorry and I hope you feel better with time!
ReplyDeleteEveryone kept posting "Once a Saint, always a Saint" (the H.S. mascot), and I totally disagree! I do not identify with the school, and the people who still feel like a part of the "family" are not considering the fact that the people they've lost touch with probably don't identify. It's annoying.
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