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| image: imdb.com |
Have you seen it? It's pretty cute. I hadn't intended to watch but got sucked in.
It got me thinking how blessed I am with family. And how appropriate, since Father's Day was this past weekend! So, here's to family! The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because let's face it, all families have a little of each.
Are you close with your family? I used to think my family was pretty close-knit, but I don't know anymore. We definitely come together for each other when needed, and I'm pretty sure I could count on one of my siblings for a kidney if I needed it, but what constitutes close?
I have 4 siblings. At different times in my life, I've been closer to one or the other. (With the exception of sister 2. We have fought like alleycats my whole life.) I'm the only one of us who made the trip to visit our brother in Turkey when he lived there. For a while, I was the only one who saw our youngest brother often enough to know what was going on in his life. Now, I don't talk to either brother. Not by choice. There's just no effort. However, my eldest sister plans to come visit me this winter! I talk to her a couple times a month.
I really have nothing to compare against. I grew up an expat kid, going to boarding schools most of the time, where you no longer sit for meals with your siblings, but they are there in the background for support if you need it. I think this was good. I think by spending more time away from my immediate family, I got to experience a broader range of cultures and lifestyles, toys and foods. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe it's just what I know.
For the majority of my adult life, I never told people about growing up "overseas". Because there is one question that every single person who didn't do it ALWAYS asks. Say it with me: "What was it like?"
Here's the answer: "I don't know."
What was it like growing up where you grew up? Can you define it?
When we're growing up, we're kids. Our world view is forming. I don't have a background to judge against, so I have no answer. I know my upbringing wasn't "normal" but it's the only one I know, so what can I say?
PRO TIP: If you come across someone who had an unusual upbringing, do them a favor and ask a precise question. "What was the best thing about living in a dorm / abandoned ghost town / puppy-mill?" "Do you think you got away with more or less by being away from your parents / the living / the pig overlords?" "Did you learn to love spicy food / bats / dog food?" Anything besides "what was it like?" That question now makes me want to stab people with a fork.
Which I why I just stopped telling people about my past.
It's easy when you move around. People in Pennsylvania knew I lived in Chicago before that. When I moved to Delaware, I was transferred from PA, so most people didn't even ask. Co-workers in Indiana were content to consider me from Delaware. If you don't tell, most people won't ask.
Family, though. They always know, don't they? They know exactly where you come from - geographically, emotionally, spiritually - It's why and how we have inside jokes. It's also sometimes the cause for division, which is sad to say.
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| I'm grinning at my sibling rival. |
I hope everyone has at least someone in their family they can trust. If not in their biological family, that they have created a valued family of friends. Because sometimes, that's the best there is.
I've not watched that movie but I'll have to check it out on Amazon Prime! I'm guilty of asking that question, "what was it like?" - I'll change my questions now . . .especially asking about bats and puppy mills - hahaha! I have a nephew who refuses to talk with me and it bothered me for years and years because we were very close and I finally decided it is his loss. I love your honest and open look at your own family and relationships!
ReplyDeleteWhen my little brother re-enlisted years ago, he declined to provide an address or any contact to us. For years it was a hard pill to swallow. I had finally come to the conclusion that it was his choice and not my place to violate it, when my niece found his wife online!
DeleteBut now we don't talk. I tried to apologize, and that's all I can do. It's hard to let go sometimes, but at least I know there is always a connection.
... now that I think about it, I have a cousin who was so estranged from her mother that she declined to come to our grandmother's funeral. So maybe the connection is not as eternal as I believe it to be.
I have not seen that movie. I don't know if I even remember it coming out. Ah, blink and you miss it.
ReplyDeleteI'm close to my father in that I see him once a week now. The rest of my family, I barely even talk to anymore. But things change over time.
Imdb says it released in December of 2017. I just came out on DVD recently.
DeleteI don't think it's possible to be close to all your family at the same time. As you say, things change.
We kind of stumbled into that movie and enjoyed it, too. Families are a funny thing, even as the oldest of them all, as I am now. Parents, aunts, uncles, all gone. Cousins and siblings, all younger. Some of us in touch, some not. Enjoy what you have while you have it!
ReplyDeleteHow interesting - I'm the exact opposite. 4th of 5, and my dad was the baby of a large family. I'm actually the youngest female of my generation on either side. My little brother, one male cousin on my dad's side, and one male cousin on my mom's side. My cousins have kids who are closer to me in age than they are! I watch the wheel of family roll on as the generations blend one into the next.
DeleteThe poster for that movie, the whole "We crammed a bunch of guys and one woman together" makes me want to see it even if it turns out that they don't all have the same father, which would be hilarious.
ReplyDeleteYou're very lucky to have had such an interesting upbringing, to have moved around so much.
The one thing I think having a somewhat dysfunctional family is that the old saying "You can pick your friends but not your family" isn't true. Your friends are your family, and if someone's not willing to be your friend a few shared genes is not a reason to consider them family.
The movie was well cast. Light fare, for sure.
DeleteI wholeheartedly agree about making your own family. My best friend is a "sister" in my family group on facebook, because she is the sister I never had. And I have two. People are people, and you do not get a pass for hurting me repeatedly just because we are related.
I've not seen that film, but it looks fun judging by the cast.
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky to have a supportive family, even though we are all scattered at the moment. I have a half sister on my mum's side whom I lived with and another half sister and half brother on my dad's side whom I only saw at weekends growing up. Despite not living with two of my siblings, we always remained close and we are in touch fairly regularly even though we live quite far apart now my sister is at uni. I miss them a lot and wish I could see them more. The sister I grew up with lives in the same town and looks after my daughter once a week, so I see her regularly. We used to fight a lot when we lived together but now we get on great and I feel we have more and more in common as we get older. I have a large extended family because of my parents' divorce-my step family have always treated me as one of their own and I got to grow up with three wonderful sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles. Even though we have our ups and downs, I treasure my family.
That is awesome. I treasure my family too. We are a unique blend. It would be nice if I could seem them all more, but I guess I don't miss anyone enough to move back to the same continent. ;-)
DeleteFamily is so weird - I think we all have these strange relationships that aren't really friendshipship as such because we didn't get to choose each other - we're kind of stuck together for life. I have two brothers who get on really well but I never seem to be on the same page as them (and don't particularly want to be) I'm much closer to my husband's family than I am to my own - maybe because I chose them? Nice to learn a little bit more about you (and your siblings)
ReplyDeleteIt's much easier to hang out with my husband's family too. I think because if my whole family gets together it's too stressful. We're all intense people. His family are all much more laid back.
DeleteOh the thoughts on families. Love them or leave them. I am, like you, in touch off and on and hurt or not hurt, and sad or not sad. It stinks. I wish we were close But it is what it is!
ReplyDeleteI've learned to stop wishing. I can only control my own behaviors. But having been on both sides of everything, yes, it does stink.
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