14 June, 2018

Wednesday Hodgepodge

I've seen this link-up on a few blogs, so this week I decided to take the plunge. It's still Wednesday in the US, so I figure I'm okay. It comes from From This Side of the Pond.
I can't make the button link, so here's the link.
So, here goes. My answers to the six questions of the week.

1. What happens to the mail at your house? 
We just moved to Vietnam, so I have no idea. Since we live in a small apartment owned by the guy who owns the coffee shop on the first floor, I would imagine that any mail would come to him and he will give it to us when he sees us. Or bring it up to our door. We shall see!

2. Something you always splurge on? Any guilt associated with the splurge? 
The first thing that comes to mind is wine, but I don't really splurge. I'm happy with the cheap stuff. Probably croissants. I have found that a proper croissant is a delicious breakfast, but they are hard to find here. Guilt came when we lived in Beijing and I had croissants delivered regularly. Guilt from calories and from the expense. Not here though. I can't get them as often.


3. There are many, but what are two important questions you think every bride and groom should ask/answer before they plan their walk down the aisle?


*blows on fingernails* 
NUMBER ONE! Discuss having children. This is not just a question, but a heart-to-heart, and BELIEVE your S.O. whatever he or she says. If you are not on the same page about having children or not, DON'T DO IT! How many stupid people have I seen get married thinking the other person would change their mind or get on board with the idea, then crash and burn. And I'm not going to soften that word "stupid". To not adequately address this subject before marriage is the definition of stupid. Just don't.

TWO is somewhat related, but broader: What habits does your S.O. have that raise red flags? Ask yourself if you can live with that for the rest of your life. Chewing with their mouth open? Sounds petty but if it will grate on your nerves every day, forever, it's not worth the commitment. Do not expect or hope they will change in conjunction with your wishes. People may change, but you cannot force it.  


4. What's the best advice your father ever gave you?

One time I was planning something and debating whether to tell the other person about it because I wasn't sure it would happen - an outing or party, or something - and my Dad said not to "deprive them of the joy of anticipation." He was very animated about it. Especially since I wasn't sure I could pull it off, at least letting the other person know I was thinking of doing something special would make them smile. I love that. 


5. Your favorite movie where a father features heavily in the storyline?

There are two that came quickly to mind:
Dead Poet's Society (Remember Kurtwood Smith's character?) He's a minor character, but pivotal.
Field of Dreams - I'm not actually sure about the "father" part, but wasn't the whole point his connection with his dad?


6. Insert your own random thought here.

I'm seeing a lot out there this week about failure, or feeling like a failure, or quitting (my own post). I think failure has become a dirty word, but we need to flip the script. Last night I was overcharged for some food from a food cart, and I felt terrible later ... like I had personally failed because I didn't bargain them down. 

Flip the script.
It's not failure on my part or a con on their part. I simply paid extra for a late night purchase when they were closing.
Or, I paid extra because I can. 
I am doing my part to improve their services.

How will you flip the negative script that runs in your head when something bad happens?

18 comments:

  1. The negative script runs in my head for a few hours and I think of all the things I could have done differently to prevent it, but it doesn't last long most of the time. I forget about it by the next day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Red,

    I enjoyed reading through your responses to these questions Your answer to #3 is especially point-on. Couples often truly do not explore this path before marriage to only discover they have different views or like you one thinking that he/she can change the mind of the other. That rarely happens or if say if the other spouse goes along with it then it could cause some even greater issues...even separation later. Children are wonderful blessings but if two people aren't deeply committed to one another to build a happy family then they need to call it quits before things really get complicated. Your second question is close to my line of thinking, too. The sad truth is most people can't see just how one's S.O.'s faults can cause a big ripple in the relationship IF they're extremely annoying. You either need to move on or accept the whole package as is and be happy. :)

    Negativity is something I try to not hold onto. I try to see the good in the bad and learn from it.

    You asked about my linky. Yes, you're welcome to join. It's open for 7-days, at which time I add a fresh one to my new post the following Wednesday. As long as it's not closed then you can join any day of the week. Have a great week...well, what's left of it! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'll drop this link in there.

      Delete
  3. visiting from the hodge podge - thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog. Loved your comment about your sister and the rival football teams. I nodded my head "yes" as I read your comments above. I especially love your comment about flipping the negative script - really good! I need to search around on your blog and find out how you've come to live in Vietnam and before that, Beijing . . .and when I read it, I may say, "oh yeah, I remember reading about that during the A to Z challenge!" I look forward to connecting more often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for coming by! Most of the posts about getting to Beijing are in June-August of 2016, I think. Vietnam is very recent. May 19th we signed our lease.

      Delete
  4. I need to work on the 'flipping the negative'. And YES, YES, Yes to your answer about marriage advice. My very young granddaughter (age 18) just became 'engaged' to her very young (age 19) boyfriend. They have talked about kids. He doesn't want them. She does. When I pointed this out to her she said, "oh he doesn't mean that. He will change his mind" Makes me very sad but she doesn't listen to advice very well. I will pray for the best for her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A friend of mind from Delaware recently (within the last couple years) got divorced ... not exactly because of having a kid, but it was something they weren't on the same page about in the beginning. I can't help but wonder.
      I hope either your granddaughter or her boyfriend does actually change their mind and they can come to agreement.

      Delete
  5. Welcome to the Hodgepodge! I so agree with your advice about taking your bride or groom to be at their word regarding how they feel about all the major issues, but especially children. Lots of starry eyed brides (mostly) thinking that boy will change his mind. Or they'll somehow change it for him. Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! That one is hard-wired into me because I have never wished to raise children, and as an adult I was surprised by how many guys found that to be a deal breaker!

      Delete
  6. That's a great way to flip the script. I've been having one of those days where I need to flip the script. Thanks for the reminder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We moved with no jobs lined up, and my husband just started one, so with no income until next month, what we brought with us is all there is. So money is a hot button for me right now. But I know the extra charge did not hurt us or our finances; it only hurt my pride.

      Delete
  7. That advice about anticipation is something we've always said in our house (not from my dad because he was a fairly useless individual when it came to fathering) But we say "anticipation is often better than the gift/event itself" I find it applies to Christmas for me - the day never lives up to my expectations, so now I enjoy the lead up and expect less from the day itself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a great way to look at major holidays, especially when family is involved! I'd never thought of that. And yeah, Christmas is so big and so hyped, can it ever be "perfect"? Only if your perspective is.

      Delete
  8. I really liked your answer to the marriage question. You’re right, we don’t ask the right question enough before we walk down the aisle. We just jump in and think it will all be wonderful. Great answers, glad I stopped by.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I know many people who love being in a relationship so much that they don't seem to consider the future, just the fact that they are with someone "now". And I do not believe love is enough. It's just not. (Obviously, I have strong opinions.)

      Delete
  9. Your thoughts on what to discuss before marriage are very true. So many people go into marriage thinking they can change their partner, but it just doesn't work that way. I love your Dad's advice, I've never thought of it that way before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was so surprised when my Dad said that! But it is one thing that has changed my views.

      Delete

I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.