09 October, 2012

Are they Perverts? And is it Anyone's business?

You ever wonder about people? Like you just. don't. know?

A while back, while I was dog-sitting, Jackson and I came upon a very sweet couple while we were out for our walk. The couple recognized Jackson and stopped to chat, inquired after my hosts, and finally said, "We're in that house if you need anything," and pointed to the ONE HOUSE that consistently showed no activity!

THAT house??

I'd been very curious about that house.

So wary cautious curious, in fact, that I never once took a picture of the property, lest they be horrible gangsters serial killers vampires criminals who would be sure I never showed my face again.

Now, during our daily, 3-mile walks, I observed various activity in the neighborhood: cars coming and going, landscaping, neighbors talking, dogs out or back inside... but in 16 walks, only that one house showed no such activity. Not so much as a trash can taken to the curb and then removed.

I had often mused about the property this sweet couple claimed: Typical 5-acre(ish) rolling lawn leading back to a pond, nice brick-and-stone ranch-style house, hmm - the back corner of the house leads to a chain-link-fenced in yard...with a small house opening to the other side of the fenced-in yard...? Why does that small house have a garage door? there's no driveway. Maybe these are "those quiet neighbors" who "no one would guess" secretly are serial killers or child molesters. that's their torture room!
...Remember in the movie "9 to 5" when they kept the boss on a leash tied to a garage door? Yeah. I'm thinking that.

Oh! And there's a creepy, ancient, derelict-looking shack on the back-end of the property, down the slope and almost in the woods. "KEEP PADDLING! I HEAR BANJO MUSIC!"


Nope. Not taking a picture of that place.

I don't always trust my character-assessment of others, but this couple was over 50, sort of "comfortably filled out" like a lot of grandparenty-types, and so sweet together that... well, I can't say they looked like they'd been married forever, maybe it was a late-life romance, but they just seemed so loving that I immediately revised my assessment of the "serial killer" house.

...wait for it...

There's no dog collar attached to a garage-door opener, but one of those sling-harness things that I have no idea what you do with! (you know, like in that scene in Sex and the City?)
Maybe they're into S&M! They have to keep all the sexy stuff in a separate building for when the kids and grandkids visit!
Her patent leather spiked boots and merry-widow, and his leopard-print thong would be a big shocker to a 12 year old boy...or his 32 year old mother.
Ooohh...and that shack must be where the real rough toys are stored...the leather hood, the whips and handcuffs...

Because, dudes, Love has no limits. You cannot judge a book by its white-haired cover. The most grandmotherly woman you know may be a wild animal behind closed doors, and that sweet old guy holding her hand may have to play lion-tamer after dark. Or vice versa, who can say?

Embrace your inner-animal...or get someone who will do it for you!

...and now I will laugh, and leave you to question the motives of your neighbors and family members. MWAHahaha!


  1. You know, now you HAVE to sneak over there in the dead of night to peak through the windows. If it's full of wheelbarrows and rakes, I'm going to be incredibly disappointed! :)

    1. There was a window-unit air conditioner on the small house. Who air-conditions their gardening shed?

      And a window with curtains that were never open.

  2. As someone that lives in the country, I can safely say you can never have too many sheds. Or garages. Or sex rooms. Just comes with the territory really.

    1. This was actually a residential area, but a widely spread neighborhood. I think a 3-acre lot would be very small in this particular area. So not quite country, but...

  3. Sex shed. DEFINITELY a sex shed. Stay away!

    1. That's what I'm thinking. And now I'm really curious to sneak up and peek in. Or break in.

  4. Past experience has taught me that you are just asking for trouble by putting your sex room in a building right next to the house. It leads to unintentionally revealing situations.

    It should always be in the basement accessible only through a door in the back of a closet...and soundproofed.

    1. "Past experience"...? I think we need to have a little talk, my Love.


I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.