02 October, 2012

Be a Winner! It's Fun!

I'm a winner! - And so are you!

Well, okay, obviously I'm a winner in the game of life because I got Brett (neener-neener), but when it comes to drawings, door-prizes, or giveaways, I never win.

...well, except once at a benefit dinner when I won 3 door prizes (and promptly shared with my dining partners). So I guess I never win unless I win big. (Which still goes for the above-mentioned win at life. HA!)


Enter the inimitable Misty, of Misty's Laws. If you've never read Misty's Laws you should. Not only because she's hilariously snarky and a total photo-ninja, but because she gives stuff away! I've entered several of her giveaways, because it's always cute useful snarky good stuff, and this time I won!

Wait, though. I didn't just win... no, I won the GRAND PRIZE! this is not her normal style of giveaway prize, either. (Read this tale from Misty's trip to Blogher for details about this prize choice.)

Dudes, I won two, count 'em TWO ...uh, feminine pleasure toys "personal massagers" vibrators. (Thanks to the generosity of the Trojan company.) My word. How cool! How surprising. How... alarming! I live with my parents! However, Misty very kindly obliged by having them sent to Brett's house so I could avoid embarrassment on the homefront.

I feel I know you well enough (aka: not at all) to share with you a few points.

A) I've never owned one of these toys.
B) (at the time I originally wrote this, before my wifi died) Brett and I have been apart long enough that the thought has crossed my mind how nice it would be to own one.
C) ...that's ONE ... I can't imagine a need for two. (teehee... especially with Brett around.)
AND THEREFORE...
D) I'm giving one away! Here it is:


I've never done a giveaway before, so bear with me.

Rules.
Rules. Gotta play to win.
I can't give it away for nothing.

Here are my rules what will make me happy:
  1. Follow me on Twitter. I promise I don't Tweet much. Ask anyone. That's my first choice, but I know a lot of people don't utilize that medium, and I don't blame you!
  2. If you choose not to be a twit, just follow my blog. That's always cool to see, too.
  3. If you already have one or both of those bases covered, say so in a comment and express interest in the random drawing. WHICH WILL TAKE PLACE ON OCTOBER 10. (easy to remember: 10/10)

Now, I know a lot of my longest-standing followers are male, but think of what a useful gift this could be for the lady in your life: If you'll be apart for an extended period of time, you could still be keeping her satisfied!

...I guess... being a vibrator virgin and all, this is pure conjecture on my part.

All I'm saying is, this isn't a "girls only" giveaway.

Very important: Every commenter will not be automatically included, but you must let me know by comment or tweet that you are participating in order to be included.
That's it for the drawing. Have at it!
You have until October 10!

~~~
Now, you want a funny vibrator story? It's not gross or graphic, I promise. And it's short.

...still with me? You won't regret it. Here goes:

In my avocation as an actress, I was once in a drama with a director who preferred making her own pre-show announcements instead of using the recording. You know the ones, about not using a flash, and turning off your cell phones. Like that.

One night, prior to the show's start, she mis-spoke. Where she had said on previous nights "Please turn off your cell phones or set them to vibrate," this time she said, "Please turn off your cell phones and vibrators."

Brought the house down before opening curtain.
The end.

(Guess what the cast bought her for a closing-night gift? It starts with a "V".)

33 comments:

  1. 1) I am interested. 2) I have owned a few too many vibrators in my time (and may have named them all). 3) I may have been in a somewhat abusive relationship with a vibrator named Felipe for two months. 4) A Russian customs inspector once found my vibrator during airport security. AWKWARD!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. Felipe. I don't name things. Except plants.
      Did you have to demonstrate how it works for the cumstoms inspector? That would have been ... never mind.

      You are officially in the drawing!

      Delete
    2. Ugh! He was going through my suitcase, looking for contraband, I guess. I had it wrapped up in a plastic bag, and he found it... and ran his hands up and down it, trying to figure out what it was. Then he opened the bag, looked down, paused for a nanosecond, and then closed it up and put it back. Didn't even blink an eye. Russian stoicism! I was mortified.

      Delete
  2. I have decided to opt out of this contest. Wouldn't want anyone to think it was fixed if if I won. Plus, if I won it and gave it to my lady friend, you would just have to hold the contest again. It's a vicious cycle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's probably for the best. :)

      Delete
  3. I follow both your twitter and your blog, and I am interested!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Omg... I'm blushing! I never thought I would see the day when Red outdid me in extravagant actions - but you take the lead in this one lol...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not entering? I thought surely you'd be on board. Now I'm the surprised one.

      I can't help what I won. I thought of just giving the extra away, like to someone I know, but that would go against the original spirit of Misty's giveaway.

      Delete
  5. Love MistyLaws!! Also, I could use another vibrator for my collection. (It's TOTALLY Legit!! I'm not a pervert.. Maybe.) I am now following you on twitter LIKE A BOSS!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! A collection? That's awesome. (hm...maybe I should have kept them both.)

      You are in!

      Delete
  6. Whatthey hey, I'll enter. I could plant it in my friends' backpacks when we walk into concerts or sporting events. Which one are you giving away? Are you going to try them both and get rid of the least effective one?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ew! No, I did not "try them both", because Doesn't Speak Klingon is a hygienic site. They were two slightly different variations, so I selected based on the image and description on the packaging.

      You are in. If you win, you will notice that the seal is unbroken. :)

      Delete
  7. Good contest, not enough love in the world these days - even if the love is by yourself. At least you don't have to fake it.

    I follow you in both mediums, but I am going ot have to decline on entering [the competition]. My GF and I are going on holidays on the 10/10/2012 for a few weeks, she won't be needing one for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure your GF prefers your presence anyway. Enjoy your holidays!

      Delete
  8. Red! You're back! And not only are you back, you're giving away the gift of pleasure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It feels good to be back, even if it is a temporary fix.

      ...and I try to spread the joy/share the love...

      Delete
  9. I obviously am not entering, per see above comment by Brett re: circular prize giving. But I am very happy you won and received these awesome prizes and that you can "share the love" with your own readers.

    Oh, and yes, I AM awesome. Just thought that bears repeating! ;)

    Glad you're back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ARE awesome!
      (and even though I can't comment always, I am staying up on your blog, because I subscribe by email, and that comes to my phone.)

      Delete
  10. Am I too late to enter the drawing? I don't even know what the date is today. Found you via Brett's blog. Haven't had the chance to read the entire saga yet but this sounds like it's going to be good. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Vixen! You are in. I'm going to see if I can get the dog to pick a name. If not, I'll assign numbers and randomly ask someone to pick a number. Stay tuned!

      (And the saga^ is just a starter. I really need to add to it.) It is a great story though, IMHO.

      Delete
  11. I follow you on both and I have to say I want to enter just on principle.. I know I'm going to win....too funny....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TOO FUNNY! You're in.

      ...will you give it away at one of your shows? ...will you hide it in the open for someone to see and ask about? ...will you...use it? Oh wait, I *really* don't want to know.

      Delete
  12. [[Generic expression of interest]]
    [[Confirmation of following directions 1. and 2.]]

    [[Enormous paranoia that someone I know IRL might see this.]]

    Jeez, this is embarrassing, but I almost can't enter because, in all honesty, the minor possibility of certain people seeing this and telling certain other people has a very VERY slight potential to be... bad.

    I'm probably overthinking this, but is there any way I could enter semi-anonymously?

    Tell you what, I'll shoot you an email. In the unlikely event that I win, you can call me "Mildred." LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aaaand I can't find your email. Twitter DM it is!

      Delete
    2. And apparently twitter DMs don't work unless the person follows you? *SIGH* I give up. >.<

      Delete
    3. Well, if this "anonymous" is the "anonymous" I think it is, the only way anyone from your real life could find you is if you told them about this blog...and you promised me you wouldn't! ...If you aren't that person, then, I shall enter you as Mildred.

      ...I don't know what a DM is...but as long as you are following me, you should be able to send me a tweet. (It's @notklingonred)

      Delete
    4. Lol I'm not your sister, if that's what you were thinking!

      -Mildred

      Delete
  13. You knew I was reading chronologically. Date passed and I am just now reading it. I always thought you would be perfect for the reality TV show "The Mole" (wish it were back) you sneaky person you.

    Hestia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I didn't know how strictly you were sticking to your chronological rule.

      Delete
    2. Chronological is important. It prevents the possibility of spoilers.

      Delete

I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.