The Movie Whore is Back – and she’s Very Confused

I know some of you are here looking for the next installment of "Doesn’t Speak Klingon and the Transformed Non-Conformist" and I’m sorry to disappoint, but we live five states apart! Think about it logically: what news could there be? (Yes, I’m part Vulcan, what of it?) So instead, I hope you’ll chime in with your thoughts on the Movie Whore’s latest adventure.

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The last we heard from the Movie Whore, she had reaffirmed a disinterest in the Oscars. Indeed, the 2012 Oscars passed her right by as she slept soundly through the night. However, a person has to be trying very hard to miss the results in the news the next day.

…and the Movie Whore doesn’t care enough to try very hard.

So she heard.

“The Artist” had piqued her interest earlier, just by the buzz. She only knew it was silent, nothing about the story. So now, as a multiple-award-winning film – not just Best Picture, but Costumes and…what, like, sound? – what a good excuse to hit the cinema again!

...Yeah. Because the Movie Whore needs an excuse.

Please help us out here: What is so great about this movie? I get it: It’s unique and daring to attempt a silent, black & white film in this day and age, and the actors have to act with their face and body, not just vocal inflection, but really? BEST Picture? And costumes? It’s black and white! Part of the beauty of good costuming is in the variety of colors and patterns. …But Best Picture?

The Movie Whore is very confused indeed. Did you see this? Is it not a darker (no pun intended) version of Singing In The Rain? Without the singing, the color, or the fun? (or Gene Kelly)  I don’t want to spell out what I mean and spoil it for anyone who still intends to see it, but think in broad storyline strokes…if you don’t get what I mean, leave a comment and I’ll clarify my thoughts there. (So, avoid the comment section if you don’t want it spoiled for you…just in case.) Suffice to say, the Movie Whore is relieved that she was able to get into an early-enough showing to pay the matinee price!

Not to mention, it’s a movie about people making movies, and only in Hollywood is that kind of narcissism awarded.

The Movie Whore is really bad at remembering all that came out in a whole year, but truly, I’ll take Cowboys and Aliens over this snooze-fest. Literally a snooze-fest. Please, if you saw this and did not hear an audience-member snore, and did not doze off yourself, let me know! Never happened. You were probably dreaming. (My eyes may or may not have drifted shut at some point.)

On the plus side, the Movie Whore saw two previews for interesting-looking movies. Something about a “…Marigold…” is full of excellent British stars, and takes place in India, which I love. Both, I mean, the British stars and India. And something about “…Noonshine…” appears to be a sweet summer-camp, coming-of-age movie, featuring Bill Murray with an axe. No joke. At least that’s what the preview showed.

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However, the reality of today (all movies aside) is that I am taking a genuine sick day. The scratchy throat I’ve had is moving northwards and it’s all I can do to sit upright at the computer. So with that, my dudes, I’m going back to bed. …or maybe I’ll go to the living room and watch some silent, black and white Alfred Hitchcock movies – you know, a good movie!