29 February, 2012

The Movie Whore is Back – and she’s Very Confused

I know some of you are here looking for the next installment of "Doesn’t Speak Klingon and the Transformed Non-Conformist" and I’m sorry to disappoint, but we live five states apart! Think about it logically: what news could there be? (Yes, I’m part Vulcan, what of it?) So instead, I hope you’ll chime in with your thoughts on the Movie Whore’s latest adventure.

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The last we heard from the Movie Whore, she had reaffirmed a disinterest in the Oscars. Indeed, the 2012 Oscars passed her right by as she slept soundly through the night. However, a person has to be trying very hard to miss the results in the news the next day.

…and the Movie Whore doesn’t care enough to try very hard.

So she heard.

“The Artist” had piqued her interest earlier, just by the buzz. She only knew it was silent, nothing about the story. So now, as a multiple-award-winning film – not just Best Picture, but Costumes and…what, like, sound? – what a good excuse to hit the cinema again!
...Yeah. Because the Movie Whore needs an excuse.

Please help us out here: What is so great about this movie? I get it: It’s unique and daring to attempt a silent, black & white film in this day and age, and the actors have to act with their face and body, not just vocal inflection, but really? BEST Picture? And costumes? It’s black and white! Part of the beauty of good costuming is in the variety of colors and patterns. …But Best Picture?

The Movie Whore is very confused indeed. Did you see this? Is it not a darker (no pun intended) version of Singing In The Rain? Without the singing, the color, or the fun? (or Gene Kelly)  I don’t want to spell out what I mean and spoil it for anyone who still intends to see it, but think in broad storyline strokes…if you don’t get what I mean, leave a comment and I’ll clarify my thoughts there. (So, avoid the comment section if you don’t want it spoiled for you…just in case.) Suffice to say, the Movie Whore is relieved that she was able to get into an early-enough showing to pay the matinee price!

Not to mention, it’s a movie about people making movies, and only in Hollywood is that kind of narcissism awarded.

The Movie Whore is really bad at remembering all that came out in a whole year, but truly, I’ll take Cowboys and Aliens over this snooze-fest. Literally a snooze-fest. Please, if you saw this and did not hear an audience-member snore, and did not doze off yourself, let me know! Never happened. You were probably dreaming. (My eyes may or may not have drifted shut at some point.)

On the plus side, the Movie Whore saw two previews for interesting-looking movies. Something about a “…Marigold…” is full of excellent British stars, and takes place in India, which I love. Both, I mean, the British stars and India. And something about “…Noonshine…” appears to be a sweet summer-camp, coming-of-age movie, featuring Bill Murray with an axe. No joke. At least that’s what the preview showed.

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However, the reality of today (all movies aside) is that I am taking a genuine sick day. The scratchy throat I’ve had is moving northwards and it’s all I can do to sit upright at the computer. So with that, my dudes, I’m going back to bed. …or maybe I’ll go to the living room and watch some silent, black and white Alfred Hitchcock movies – you know, a good movie!

7 comments:

  1. Well I did hope of course lol... but I'll survive the disappointment.

    By the way, did you by any chance cut and paste from the web? ;-) (of course joking) The Oscars have really taken a beating this year - but I haven't seen any of the movies that were nominated so don't have an opinion.

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    1. no I didn't even read about the Oscars, just heard who the winners were on NPR.

      HA! So I'm not the only one who thinks "The Academy" is made up of a bunch of narcissists. Good to know.

      Although I do like their choice of Best Supporting Actress. Oh!The Help! Another movie 90million times better than The Artist!

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  2. The way I understand it, the people who vote on these movies don't even have to watch them. I really don't get how this works. I had heard of "The Artist" but did not know that it was B&W or silent.

    There are some good old silent movies, but they didn't have a choice. A movie would have to be REALLY good today to do it on purpose.

    I didn't watch the Oscar's either. Didn't even know they were on until the next day when I heard all the people complaining.

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    1. A friend had decided to have an Oscar Party, which I would have been late for anyway, but I had totally forgotten about it until she texted that morning to say that her son was sick and the party was off.

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  3. Red really enjoyed your post today...I really was disappointed in them too this year...and when Brett told me today that they don't actually have to watch them that made me mad....I really thought that "Moneyball" was a great film...not only because it was based on a true story but, it was just awesome....There were alot of movies that didn't even make the list...

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    1. I never saw Moneyball. Not a huge baseball fan, so didn't think it would appeal to me.

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  4. Gah, I hope you don't have whatever bug I've picked up. It's been three weeks of coughing and hacking. If I knew how long it would take to get over this thing, I'd have chugged some rat poison. You know, the non leathal kind. Uh...

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I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.