This will not be a funny post. Sorry in advance. If you’re looking for humor, I recommend Of Axe-Murderers and Other Creepy Folks, Reply All = EPIC FAIL, or if you’re a sci-fi nerd, maybe Star Trek: 2013… wait, WHAT!?!. Or peruse my blog roll. Most of those bloggers make me laugh! Sorry I’m out of humor today. I had a post all set to go, because the Movie Whore resurfaced over the weekend, but she’ll have to wait.
Anyone still here? Then, read on…
There’s this river in Egypt that runs past the tombs of the Pharaohs, and empties into the Mediterranean Sea. You know it? Of course you do. We’ve all been there. Funny how quickly we forget.
Well I just got my wake-up call to rouse me out of that river.
Last night I had a meltdown. I won’t go into the details, but…well it’s hard to say anything about the cause without going into detail, but the details are long and boring. The cause isn’t really important, anyway, but after it happened I drove up to Aphrodite’s house in tears. (For the full pantheon of my life, see this post - there’s a quick cheat sheet at the bottom.) While driving, I recognized my De-Nile!
There IS a certain stress to do with packing up and moving your life across country, no matter what the logic behind the move, and no matter how positive the expected outcome is. I’ve been so busy parading around in my big girl panties doing the “I’m tough enough” dance that I didn’t realize I was on a sail barge through Moses’ birthplace!
I’m not ignorant of the need to “grieve” the place one is leaving. Indeed, I had made a list of places and things I need to see or do before leaving. I couldn’t turn the list into any kind of interesting blog-post, but I believe in closure on anything I may miss out on. In Indiana I expect to miss things like walking on the beach, visiting the Smithsonian, going to Hersheypark… I guess that’s neither here nor there.
ANYway, I got to Aphrodite’s and she understood the reason for my meltdown. She did NOT say, “you must be smoking crack to do that”, but gave me advice on next steps. There was a legitimate action that had upset me (it wasn’t simply overwhelming stress) and I need to address the person responsible. I cried; she listened. Aphrodite is an outstanding listener.
Gradually the moment passed and we moved on to other things, like her poor dog’s bad leg (ACL?)…the dog was snuggling up to me the whole time – recognized my distress. Animals can be amazing.
I want to stress that I AM NOT a waterworks factory! Aphrodite is one of an extremely small number of people who have seen me cry. This wasn’t me. I started to say I should go. She asked if I needed help packing or…anything. God bless Aphrodite!
And thus we arrived at the “moving” issue, and why I'm going, and how lucky I am to be able to uproot myself, and pretty soon we were all cry-ey and huggy again. Guh. I hate tears. They’re my worst look.
But AH! Catharsis! I’ve never been able to talk to Aphrodite properly about my wishes to leave – for the past couple of years. It’s been a stumbling block to me in our friendship. Now, we understand each other.
It was a very rough night for me. But needed. I realized while overcoming my denial that I’ve been bargaining all along, too. As I tell people I’m leaving, I leave it open: “I’ll be back!” …yeah, next February for the Polar Bear Plunge, at least. Why am I doing that? What’s next? Anger? Maybe I got through that step with this meltdown. I sure hope so.
That’s all it was, but my heart hurts this morning. I’ll recover, don’t you worry.
Tune back in tomorrow when the Movie Whore will make another appearance!
OH! And your reason to celebrate? (you thought I forgot...)
Ostara – a pagan festival that basically means “spring is coming”.
OR, if you’re more conventional you could just celebrate the equinox. Similar, but astronomical, not pagan.