29 March, 2012

On Surprise Parties and Being a Lush

Two Things
(that’s how I start a lot of my emails to my boss: “Two Things”  and then I have two questions or comments, or warnings to give him.) So today, I have just two things to share. They amuse me.

I had an email (in my personal email) from my office-mate a couple evenings ago about a “Red’s last day luncheon” but when I tried to respond from my phone, it took me to google and I didn’t want to go there. So yesterday evening I tried to do it and got the same thing… (it wanted me to download Google+ calendar or some such thing, and I SO don’t need another calendar!)... anyway, I just emailed her separately and said I had received the email and yes, I would be there. (LOL. It's at work.) Her very quick reply:

U r NOT!!!  Suppose to know about this it is a surprise...stupid new phone ggggrrrrr


That made me laugh and inform her that:

> LOL. Don't feel bad. It is divine intervention. I hate surprise parties.
> And actually, it only shows your name and mine, so until you said "surprise", I wasn't sure if you were just being funny and saying "let's do lunch".

So she recommended a local Mexican restaurant that is close to work. … Of course now I don’t know if she also wants to go to Que Pasa or not…hmm...

I do hate surprise parties. I wasn’t joking. I will ruin it if you try to throw one for me. I hate a fuss - unless it's due to my own brilliance and wit. (ha!) 

There’s something contrary in my nature that just can’t handle other people doing that kind of thing for me. I don’t know if it’s just the idea that I’m not included in the joke – and therefore on a perverse level it could be construed that I am the butt of the joke (don’t judge me!) – or if it’s a control-freak thing. One of the joys of being single is having control over when I do things, where I go, and who all is involved. Besides, if I don’t know I’m going to a party, I won’t be mentally prepared. Yes, I need to mentally prepare - what? (I’m a closet introvert in an extroverted world)

The second thing CRACKS ME UP SO HARD!

So this office-mate I mentioned above has been my wingman on nights on the town. Well, we’ve been each other’s. We started hanging out outside of work some 5 years ago. We have some good blackmail stories on each other. Of course, gas started going up (and other stuff), and we don’t just go out for random fun-nights very much anymore, but they are there, and the attitude is there. 

With that kind of history, there are some entertaining conversations in our office. I’ve started telling people I’m working on my reputation as a lush, because I want to leave them with something. ...it's my farewell gift to Lower Slower Delaware...

~If it’s a rough morning, we will joke about going out "to drink lunch".

~When we got new office furniture, I noted that if we installed a shelf under the front panel of these fancy desks, then we could set up a hidden bar.

~We often talk about going out for drinks after work, whether or not we actually do.

All of that is a set up to tell you about the sweetest woman who works upstairs. She’s very conservative Catholic which is just a way to say that everyone cleans up their language around her. The point is that she will freely laugh at our drinking humor, but not likely participate.

The copier/scanner/miracle machine is in our office downstairs, and Sweetie comes down to use it several times a day. OFTEN, she’s walking in at just that point in a conversation between my officemate and myself. It always makes her laugh. Mostly because it happens so often. I’ve taken to suggesting alcohol as a solution for every problem if Sweetie is around, just because it makes her laugh.

So yesterday she told me she has an idea for a website. She wants to start a “What Would Red Say?” website (complete with a store where you could buy WWRS wrist-bands and t-shirts). The idea being that people could pose questions and I would answer them. (I really don’t think I’m that witty.) And the first “What Would Red Say” item that she would post? “What would Red say about non-alcoholic beverages?” Sweetie’s suggested answer? “Dude! What’s the point?” She has my voice down. I say “dude” WAY too much not to be a surfer.

She thinks I’m such a lush. My mission is accomplished. >smiling<

And today’s “reason to celebrate”:
It’s the 205th anniversary of the discovery of the 4th asteroid named… VESTA! Vesta Vayne, this party’s for you!


  1. I've been so busy bouncing around on the Internet that I didn't think to check my blog list for new posts.

    I'm not sure how I would feel about a surprise party in my honour. I enjoy organizing them for someone else for sure though! That's always a lot of fun. And I loved your little Sweetie story...!

    Here's a wedding update. I've heard that Train might be the virtual best man - I've posted at Brett's for verification and am just waiting to hear his word on it ;-)

    No way am I sleeping tonight!

    1. I think it's safe to say there's time to iron out these details since we Have. NOT. met yet. (Just a reminder. This is still virtual.)

      First, surprise parties are never a surprise. If you think you've surprised someone, they're just being polite. I don't know what it is that bugs me about them. Maybe a surprise farewell wouldn't bug me, but usually they are for birthdays, and I don't do my birthday. Still, best not to pretend!

      Sweetie keeps coming up with new WWRS sayings. I think my departure will be hard for her.

    2. Sometimes I need those sort of reminders ;)... I will now go and count sheep lol

  2. How many asteroids named Vesta are there?

    No surprise parties, but lots of alcohol? Could you appreciate one if you were well liquored up beforehand?

    1. Lol. I should have used a comma. The 4th asteroid discovered was called Vesta. Oops.

      You know, I could probably appreciate a surprise party more with a buzz on! ...fortunately the rumor mill here is so hyperactive that I don't have to *be* a lush in order to create the reputation.

  3. I HATE surprise parties. I was surprised once for my 16th birthday. You already read about how that went. So, good call. I think it's especially dumb to throw surprise baby showers. First, they know they are getting one. Why are you trying to surprise her? Second, she's fucking pregnant! Don't try to scare the pregnant girl, people. It might not turn out well.

    If we meet in OC, we can totally have a liquid lunch. Although, you have to drive back, so that might not work. Nevermind.

    1. "Time to burn" we left for a late lunch for the brewery tour, freely telling everyone not to expect us back.

      I can take a walk on the beach after "lunch" for however long is necessary before driving!

  4. I am going to steal "Let's drink lunch"

    It may or may not have happened today. And maybe yesterday

    1. No need to steal it: It's my gift to you, Rusty!

  5. WWRD is a fantastic idea for a segment on your blog... And omg, we joke about drinking at work ALL THE TIME. It's the only thing that makes the work day bearable! Just yesterday, one of my employees referenced the mini bottles of wine in her desk drawer and I literally felt a liver pang of longing...

    1. Does she actually keep them there? Or was she wishing for them. I could never actually, at work... It's a fun thought though.

      My officemate found what she calls "wine juice-boxes" They're not as big as regular box-wine, and they're the same material kids' juice-boxes are made of. I got her a couple for Christmas.

  6. I'm with you, I don't want anybody making a fuss over me as well.

    I joke around about drinking too, but it's usually in reference to dealing with the kids. You need to start that website just so Sweetie can keep up with you when your gone.

    1. Dealing with kids, dealing with work, whatever frustration is on your plate.

      I'd have to figure out a new ID if I do that site, so that she can't link over here...hmm.

  7. I would most definitely buy a WWRD bracelet. As a matter of fact, I may just go make one right now.

    Surprise parties are strange. I never quite understood why you would want to throw a party for someone who isn't expecting to party. If I don't feel social, I don't party. If I don't know there is something special planned, I may just show up in ratty jeans and a t-shirt and then be haunted by those pictures forever on facebook. I just think they are well intentioned but inconsiderate to the person they are being thrown for.

    Anywho, we don't joke about drinking in our office, but we do relieve tension by talking about "going licensing" on someone.

    1. Thank you, that is exactly my thought on surprise parties! I'm curious about "going licensing"...


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