01 May, 2020

Zilch #AtoZChallenge

Zilch. Zip. Nada. 
That's how much communication I get from my family. 
Well, that's how much I feel like I'm getting from them.

I understand everyone is in a weird place right now, so no hard feelings. But... a little bit of hard feelings. I'm 8,000 miles away from my family, and I try to reach out, but I don't want to push. The last I actually heard back from a sibling was a brother, 3 weeks ago, and it was a single text. 

I called my mom on the 22nd, but that was really to say "Happy Birthday" to my young niece, and the conversation centered on that. Mom is doing the e-schooling for my two nieces while their dad continues working, so that is a very busy house. Conversations are short, understandably.

I was already thinking, after my nephew's death in the fall, that we all seem to be grieving separately, carrying our burdens on our own, without sharing the weight of them among the group. Surely that can't be right. (I know, there is no "right" grief, but it feels like we should hold each other up if possible.) He took his own life, and suicide is hard to talk about, but that makes it feel more important to talk about. Maybe I'm weird.


Then, after my sister's death in January, there was a little more communication. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that her kids bore the brunt of the grief, so there was more of a feeling that we should help? 

After Covid came on the scene, at first I was alone over here in Asia and everyone else seemed to think it was nothing. Now that they are in the thick of it, there's less communication than ever before. Zilch.

It's a little lonely, if I'm honest. 
I vacillate between a "screw them" and a "love them" attitude. 
Overall, the "no man is an island" philosophy seems to be more and more false for me.

It would appear that I am ending this month's challenge on a low note. That's not really how I feel. Just today, we went out to check on the beach - not the popular one, although it is reportedly sparse out there - I needed the sand between my toes and the fresh salt breeze. Glorious! I really do love my life. It would be nice to share more about it with the folks back home. I guess that's my point.

And that's life. Highs and lows. We all have them. I hope your month ended well!

15 comments:

  1. Not trying Zoom? Many of us are using it and meeting old classmates of various courses.

    Congratulations for successful A to Z Blogging.
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    1. Not interested in Zoom. We have skyped, or can video call on Messenger, but not a group call. We wouldn't really do a group call anyway.

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  2. It's rough not hearing from family. I normally get together with mine next month, but I don't see that happening this year.

    Congratulations on reaching z.

    I hope you and yours are staying safe and healthy during this difficult time.

    J Lenni Dorner~ Co-host of the #AtoZchallenge, Debut Author Interviewer, Reference& Speculative Fiction Author

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    1. Thanks. We are staying safe in my home. And I know my family are all doing their best in their own situations.

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  3. Yes I understand how you feel. I used to live in French Polynesia, a little far away from France (just at the other side of the Planet!). We had sort of routine, writing a mail every week, even if nothing special was to report, but just to keep in touch, or sending a photo. I don't like scheduling relationship, but I think in this case it can be useful. A mail each Sunday or when you want it's like a rendez-vous and become an habit. And telling small stuff every week is better than resuming a whole month. Enjoy your beautiful life in Vietnam, and stay safe.
    Z is for Zakka

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    1. When I was a kid, we lived in South Asia, and letters were SO important! I should get back into that, at least emailing.

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  4. I can relate to not hearing from family or friends for long stretches, but, wow, during a time of grieving that would be tough. I'm glad you shared your thoughts... it made me think about some friends I need to reach out to.

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    1. Every day I reach out to one person or another. Sometimes I get reply, sometimes not. At least they know I'm here if they choose.

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  5. Life is definitely highs and lows, and I know we all grieve in our different ways, but it also seems like we should at least be willing to meet each other halfway in our different ways of grieving--while maintaining that six foot distance, of course.
    This crisis seems to have caused some of the normally extroverted people I know to become withdrawn, but, as you noted previously, it's also been a time for people to get a lot done, and, yeah, reaching out is definitely something we should be doing.

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    1. We all have to learn a new "don't judge" mentality for this particular thing. If they are busy with mini-crises or major adjustments, talking to little sister, far removed, is of minimal importance. I cannot judge their choices.

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  6. It seems like you have a choice. You can either call and email them regularly. Or you can let communication lapse. Because clearly they're not making an effort to get in touch with you. It's a hard choice.

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    1. You're right. It's not the first time I've had this situation. As easy as it is for me to say "you never talk to me", if I am not going to be diligent in checking in with people, then I'm the one doing the "not-talking".

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  7. You've had your share of death - I went through that a few years ago. My son, my dad, my mom to suicide, 2 best friends, and finally my younger sister. I can attest to no one wanting to talk about suicide. Regardless whether anyone will admit it or not, it's still a stigma. I'm an open book kinda person. I always feel better when I open up and tell it like it is. Needless to say, I'm not the most popular person to be around. Oh well - I'm the only one left from my birth family. I have one brother from another mother and that is it.

    Sad to say, I no longer miss the dysfunction of my family. I miss the good times but as the years went by, those were few.

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    1. I'm so sorry for all of that loss. My family doesn't talk about heavy things, even before this. My parents are very traditional, old school, polite conversation types. If it isn't polite, it shouldn't be in the open. Mom finally started opening up when I asked about health things. My sister (the one who died) had breast cancer about 15 years ago, and I forced the conversation with my mom. Now she tells me if she has to go in and have a spot removed. (skin cancer is thick in our family, too.) That's about it.

      I appreciate that you get the "maybe we're better on our own" idea, too.

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  8. It's natural for all of us to have bouts of loneliness. Sometimes I make a conscious move to reach out to someone to get out of loneliness and strike up a conversation. In the pre-internet days it was difficult. But now it is easier.
    During my younger days I was away from my parents. So, I used to post (a physical mail) a card to him every Wednesday. There never used to be anything much to write. But there sheer arrival of the card was an assurance that all is well. May be a similar thing in email or messaging or call works today.

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I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.