To Live and Love in the Blogosphere

I feel so loved! With all apologies to my dear internet fiancé Brett, you’ve got some competition. I have a brand new lesbian lover!

Sarasaur (of Tangled Skein ) is back from a blog-hiatus and as she was catching up on my postings she left me this little gift in the Comments to “Of Axe Murderers… ”:

SarasaurMar 9, 2012 10:35 PM

The final line to this post makes me love you even more. If you didn't already have an internet fiance (who is probably not an axe-murderer)and I wasn't engaged in real life, and my bread was buttered that way, I'd propose myself.

The “final line” she’s referring to is:

If all my tight-knit defenses are the Death Star, then I just shot a photon torpedo into my own 2-meter thermal exhaust port. Doggone it.

Ah! Another Star Wars nerd! No one else seemed to catch my A-MAZing Star Wars metaphor. …of course, that post had a lot in it – my defense of my extreme caution, a stalker story – there were great comments even without a Star Wars recognition. (My fellow nerds apparently didn’t visit that day.)

But now, in addition to my intelligent, witty Internet Fiance, I have a witty, sci-fi nerd of a Lesbian Lover! Awesome. I mean, don’t get me wrong, to paraphrase Sara “My bread’s not buttered that way” but I’m honored all the same.

Come on ladies, we all do it! We have all had the thought “If I were a lesbian…” or wondered if we’d be attractive to the same sex. …uh, haven’t we all had that thought? Yes? No?

Maybe it’s me. There’s a large, active, gay community in my region, so it’s not an unlikely thought. Also, some of my oldest, dearest friends from my pre-Delaware days are gay or lesbian, and these friends are better at relationships than I am, so more power to them! …but this isn’t a political rant about gay marriage (...which I am for, in case you’re wondering).

Some personal observations:

A couple years ago, when a bunch of us were out for Cinco de Mayo, I walked in on a lesbian couple kissing – deeply – in the ladies’ room. It didn’t bother me, except that I had to squeeze to get around them.

Another time, working my “fun” retail job on Black Friday: sometime around o’dark-thirty, a couple girls – teens? Early 20s? – were following what seemed to be one of their mothers. The girls weren’t really shopping in our store, just waiting for mom. Clearly bored. Next thing I know, they’re all over each other.

Yes I watched, surreptitiously. It was fascinating! They were in my line of sight, and anyway – like any chick wearing a too-low top or a too-short skirt - if they didn’t want to be observed, they wouldn’t do it in public.

No, it didn’t turn me on.

…but it didn’t bother me, either. I had the stunning revelation that I would be more offended by a heterosexual couple groping each other in public. I don’t know why.

Most (straight) women my age have been married at least once by now. (Don't ask my age. I won't answer.) I just could never be bothered to put in the effort at a relationship. So I asked myself if maybe I was barking up the wrong tree. Maybe my gay and lesbian friends were waiting for me to notice something in myself that they already knew, but were too nice to force the issue.

So I forced the issue on myself: I sat in my silent house one evening, closed my eyes, and imagined. I have a good – some would say overactive – imagination. I imagined what it would be like to “be with” another woman. Open your mind, Red, would you like that? Could you do that?

…Nope. Sorry. Here’s the thing: I already have a full complement of girl-bits! What do I want another set for? Nah. Got my own; don’t need yours, lovely though they may be.

But the fact that two different people from two different sexes appreciate what I put down in this blog – enough to want to propose! – makes me warm and tingly all over. To be valued for what’s in my head …or more to the point, what’s spilling out of my head …Delicious!

I don’t mean to offend anyone (but if you’re offended, please comment!). I’m not judging – be with who you love! I adore my Lesbian Lover and Internet Fiance equally.

Next week: Who would win in a “virtual” cage fight: My Internet Fiance or my Internet Lesbian Lover?

p.s. Posts like this one are why my family’s not invited to my blog!

Annoyance and Redemption!! - with a smile!

This is “that” day. You know the one: Random annoyances happening that don’t really ruin your day, but seethe just below the surface and make you wish you’d followed your instinct to stay home? I started two different posts, and each ended up in a rant. Not fun. To sum them up, 1) steps are being taken against the office stalker (I can’t claim him to be solely “my” stalker since he creeps out every female in the building.) and 2) I was ranting about Valentine’s day, because although the day is past, I can’t avoid it online.(grr) But I want to end the madness, not continue it, so that’s a no-go subject.

…It's not entirely inconceivable that it could be PMS.

Then I visited the blog of my new internet-fiance (I guess? E-fiance? Blog-fiance?) Future (possibly pretend) spouse? at the Transformed Non-Conformist, and suddenly I have something to write about!

First, he included me as a link in today’s post, and my most recent post was a bit of a cop-out/experiment, not my best example, so I better post something else, quick.

Second, this whole situation is just too weird! He’s right. We’ve never met, and who knows if we ever will. But it’s kind of a fun idea to have an unknown person all signed on for commitment, internet-wise or whatever. Kind of like an out-of-body experience (especially if he really knew me).

Here’s the Twilight Zone-iness: Part of my job, until recently, has involved dealing with folks planning to get married. I’ve seen it all, from the gooey-eyes to the cancellation in tears, from the extreme expectations of a grand day, to the 25 people and a priest. I have this dread that people who are overly concerned about the wedding day are expending their time, money and energy in the wrong direction when they should be saving that energy for the actual marriage. Because another thing this relationship guru (from afar, folks, from afar) has observed is that relationships are work! Why put so much pressure on one day?

So I long ago started informing my coworkers that if I ever did decide to take the plunge, they wouldn’t know anything about it until one day I turned up married.

Re-read that, in case you missed the connection...

Get it???

Lo and behold, I’m internet-engaged and nobody who actually knows me knows anything about it! And bonus: I’ve never even met the guy! It’s all out here in the blogosphere. Just you, my online homies, are in on it. Teehee. Doesn’t it feel good to be in on a giant secret? It’s awesome!

P.S. Brett, I am enjoying every minute of this. I’ll see you on January 1^st. …and by the way, the irony of proposing to The. MOST. anti-Valentine’s Day person on the planet on Valentine’s Day itself, …well, I’m laughing now, but some sort of payback torture is showing in my crystal ball.