Good Gosh Golly Gee! #AtoZChallenge

I don't swear. 

Well, I didn't swear.

"Good Grief" was my go-to. Or "fiddle-sticks" (which I inherited from my mom). And then I started getting creative. My most common expletive now is "fart monkeys". Or maybe just "oh, fart".  But things come out.

Compared to some people, I still don't swear. 

But I do.

It annoys me that I do. Unless it's a really heartfelt "What a dumba$$!" which doesn't even feel like swearing, but I wouldn't use that word around my mother, so I guess it must be. Legitimately being annoyed enough to insert a curse-word into an exclamation is one thing. I might not wish to swear, but I don't agonize over those.

It's the casual "oh, what the f***" for no real reason that always makes me kick myself. Really? Was that necessary? No. No it wasn't. "oh, what now" would suffice, surely.

 Anyway, I'm working on it. In my mind.

Do you have any habits that you are trying to control that just slip away with you?

Vietnamese is Killing Me!

I have taken an obnoxious lover and, anxious as I am to be rid of him, I keep going back for more torture.

This "lover" is the Vietnamese language. Studying and paying for lessons is the torture.

Vietnamese is like a nasty, neglectful, annoying lover, who sends you into the arms of your ex - also terrible, but slightly less terrible - lover. In this scenario, Mandarin is my ex-lover. Another difficult language, but when I'm screamingly annoyed with Vietnamese, switching over to my Mandarin story books or character review and practice feels like sighing in the arms of a comforting old love.

...Let me be clear, I don't know what it's like to run from one bad lover back to a former bad lover. But I get that it happens, and that's kind of what studying Vietnamese feels like sometimes.

I have no ear for the different sounds I'm supposed to hear in Vietnamese, and the language is different through the different parts of the country - which you wouldn't think would be an issue as long as I remain in the Central coast, but people move here from everywhere, especially with Covid surges in the big cities of Hanoi and Saigon, so my minuscule use of Vietnamese garners pronunciation corrections that are not the same corrections I get from my teacher!

Urgh. So frustrating.

It's annoying, and feels impossible. It seems like I put so much time and effort into this "relationship" only to reap minimal reward. (I can read more traffic signage now. Woop.) Mandarin is like pulling up a cozy blanket and sitting in a comfy chair reading a good book. (I'm reading the Frog and Toad series in Chinese. Nostalgia.)

Will studying a language kill me? Of course not really, but soon I'm going to have to consider whether it's worth spending the time on it when I should be doing other things that bring more immediate value to my life.

This is the first in a new series of posts I want to write, about life, or aspects of life, especially expat life. No politics, no controversy (I hope). Questions always welcome!

 

Morning Chit-Chat

Hubs came out of the bedroom this morning as I was laughing out loud at a book I'm reading. He looked at me, confused.

Him: Don't you have language lessons today?

Me: Nope. Tomorrow.

Him: Is it always tomorrow?

 

Me: Every Thursday. [Vietnamese class 8:45-9:45, Mandarin 10:00-11:00] But I didn't do much homework this week, so tomorrow won't be good. [You know, inertia, etc.]

Him: You have all day!

 

Me: For what?

 

Him: For homework!

 

Me: That's not a very positive thought!

 

Him: I know both your teachers on social media. I could tell on you.

 

Me: I wish you would.

 

...Because doesn't an excuse always feel more valid when someone else makes it for you? 

 

I do practice my languages each day. For both, I have books in the language that I am trying to make sense of, or memorize bits of, or glean new vocab from. But the specific review of the past lesson, completing an assignment, all that? Nope. Not last week.

 

The thing is, I'm not doing this for a grade. I'm doing it for life. For my own learning. I value the homework, and feel great when I'm prepared, but honestly, if I have nothing done, we'll still talk in the language, review something. Especially with books around, I can ask questions. 

 

Maybe I'll do some homework later today, maybe not. But the classes will be just fine. 

Reassessing What's Important

I am utterly apathetic these days. 

I don't think it's depression. It was, and sometimes is, but even when the depression fog lifts, I have zero motivation to do anything.

I'm learning two languages. Theoretically. I cancelled both classes last week, and haven't looked at the homework for either one.

I called off the classes because I'm trying to finish the novel I started in Nanowrimo last year. The ending is proving elusive, and I thought that if I gave myself permission to focus just on writing, I could sort it out. I did not. I wrote less on the days of the cancelled classes than on previous days. 

I called my mom the other day. Thought maybe a touch of normalcy would help shake me out of this ... whatever it is. It did not. It was yet another conversation of small talk, peppered with updates on my siblings as much as she knew. (My family does not partake of deep conversation with each other.)

So I'm just here to make sense of my own self.

Learning Mandarin was vital when we lived in China. I still think it's a good idea, and it is helpful with my little online Chinese students. But am I learning simply for vanity? To be able to brag? It will look good on a resume if I ever go back into the normal workforce, but how likely is that?

Learning Vietnamese is a good idea because I live here, but many foreigners don't bother learning it. Two reasons. 1) We are in a touristy area where minimal Vietnamese is needed. Most vendors and businesses that will have dealings with a foreigner have some basic English. 2) Pronunciation is apparently vastly different from north to south, so learning it in one place doesn't mean you'll understand it elsewhere. BUT 1) vendors and business-people appreciate a foreigner who at least tries to speak Vietnamese - even poorly, and 2) We haven't yet traveled away from the central coastal region, so ...

Do I continue with language classes? For both languages?

Before I started teaching online, when I decided that I was a Writer first and foremost, I forced myself to spend time writing. I keep adding hours teaching, which makes it feel like my main job. I mean, being paid NOW is more motivating than working long hours for the potential of payment later, should I ever be published. 

I think I need to cut back on teaching hours, and maybe relax the Mandarin for a bit. I don't know what that looks like time-wise, but at least I have an idea of a potential solution!

Thanks, Blogger. This has been productive.

Language Frustrations

No more AtoZ, no more theme... although I made it through the whole alphabet, so I really need to go get my "survivor" badge soon.

Back to life, back to reality, as we were taught by Soul II Soul.

My language classes did not go away last month, but now I feel an urge to double down a bit. Due to Covid, my Vietnamese classes were switched to Skype. Somehow, not feeling a need to clean the bathrooms and make sure the kitchen is spotless before the teacher arrives makes studying easier. I can focus on the language, and not on the impression I make on my teacher. It's very freeing!

Vietnamese class was this morning, and Mandarin class - also Skype - will be tomorrow morning. {It's usually Mondays, but this weekend was the Labor Day holiday in China, and my teacher cautioned me that she was going out with friends Sunday night and might not be ready for class so early Monday morning. LOL. We understand each other. I told her to have a drink for me.}
 

It's chaos, I tell you! Chaos!

I started Mandarin while living in China. When we moved to Vietnam, I wanted to continue, because if I'm living anywhere in this part of the world, Chinese is not a bad language to know. After we got to Vietnam, we realized a majority of tourism here comes from China. (Korea is second.) Many businesses have their signs in Vietnamese, Chinese, and Korean.

Even so, I don't practice my Mandarin regularly. Sometimes - before Covid - I might have heard some people speaking it in a store or restaurant, but I rarely felt compelled to chime in.

At first, I thought Vietnamese was coming more easily to me than Mandarin. They are both tonal languages, and share some grammatical similarities. Even some words are similar. Think of how many English words are recognizable when you learn them in another Latin-based language?

I now consider Vietnamese the harder of the two. Sure, reading Chinese is torture, because if you don't know "that specific" character, you have no idea what it sounds like or means. Vietnamese at least sort of looks familiar. But that's a fools game. It doesn't sound familiar, and I have realized I have no ear for it at all. Tones or not, Vietnamese has 11 vowels! And I cannot hear them all.

Fortunately, my teacher is very flexible. Lately we've been spending most of the lesson on conversation, and practicing speaking and hearing. We are moving very slowly through the book, but in the end, I think I will be better able to function with what I am learning. Little though it is.

Excuse me now. I have to study Vietnamese.
Or maybe I should review my Mandarin, since I have that class tomorrow.  
Some days, I miss complaining about my high school German classes.

What's Up, Buttercup?

Lots, actually. A lot is up.
A lot is happening, and getting in the way of my blogging. I had really hoped to crank out at least two posts a week after almost EVERY day in April!

An old picture. I write better now.

Since moving to Vietnam, my Mandarin classes have continued via Skype. We had already paid for oodles of classes - for both of us - but when we knew we were moving out of China, Brett (this guy) stopped his lessons. But I want to actually KNOW the language. To be conversant. So I continued, using his and my pre-paid hours.

Finally, all the classes we had paid for are nearing their end and I need to sign up for more. That money is not in our single-income budget. 

So I'm starting online English teaching to get my own income, to pay for my Mandarin classes. 😄 I know, crazy, right? Just a few hours on a couple evenings. It won't be fast money at that pace, but I don't want to over-fill my time when I should be writing or editing.

I write and edit in the morning or afternoon, plus study Mandarin, and in the evenings I'm either relaxing or, now, teaching online. It's not a crazy schedule, but I'm still getting used to it. Blogging is slipping.

...AND in a couple weeks I'm going to start weekly Vietnamese classes. In my perfect world, I would learn languages with ease, but the fact is there are SO MANY WORDS! In every language.

When your schedule changes drastically, how do you get on track? Do you jump in no problem, or take a while to adjust?

Five-Minute Friday - When "common" isn't so common

For today's post, I am following the one-word prompt from Kate at Heading Home. This has been a good way to keep me on track posting somewhat regularly. 

If you want to join us, click that link to her blog. Every Friday is a new word, and the only rules are: 
Write for 5 minutes. 
Link your post on hers. 

It's pretty cool, and I find a new blog every week.
(Now if only I would make the time to revisit more often during the week.)
 
This week's one-word is "Common".
 
Timer starting...

HAHA! Right now, as an American in China, I don't feel I have much in common with anyone around me! I'm prepping for a drama camp, and read about a team activity that suggested letting kids pick partners by some organic means like "find someone with eyes the same color as yours". 
...In China? Um... think I'll skip that.

I'm 5'10", red hair, green eyes, caucasian, and I don't speak the language of those around me. I'm a Christian in a secular country. What could I possibly have in common with my neighbors?

A smile. A smile reads in any language.
Holding the elevator for someone struggling to get to it.
Holding any door!
Laughing over discovering a new word - or a language mistake.
Petting a dog.
Lifting my face to the sun.
Bobbing my head to the beat of the music - in any language.
Dancing
Making "yummy sounds" and rubbing my tummy.

It's there. What makes me human makes you human, no matter what our religion or politics, no matter the language or geography.

...Time's up.

Thank you, Kate, for this prompt! This was an enlightening thing to write off-the-cuff!