Morning Chit-Chat

Hubs came out of the bedroom this morning as I was laughing out loud at a book I'm reading. He looked at me, confused.

Him: Don't you have language lessons today?

Me: Nope. Tomorrow.

Him: Is it always tomorrow?

 

Me: Every Thursday. [Vietnamese class 8:45-9:45, Mandarin 10:00-11:00] But I didn't do much homework this week, so tomorrow won't be good. [You know, inertia, etc.]

Him: You have all day!

 

Me: For what?

 

Him: For homework!

 

Me: That's not a very positive thought!

 

Him: I know both your teachers on social media. I could tell on you.

 

Me: I wish you would.

 

...Because doesn't an excuse always feel more valid when someone else makes it for you? 

 

I do practice my languages each day. For both, I have books in the language that I am trying to make sense of, or memorize bits of, or glean new vocab from. But the specific review of the past lesson, completing an assignment, all that? Nope. Not last week.

 

The thing is, I'm not doing this for a grade. I'm doing it for life. For my own learning. I value the homework, and feel great when I'm prepared, but honestly, if I have nothing done, we'll still talk in the language, review something. Especially with books around, I can ask questions. 

 

Maybe I'll do some homework later today, maybe not. But the classes will be just fine. 

Happy Anniversary!

What is WRONG with me? I can't stop blogging!

This is a very important anniversary for Doesn't Speak Klingon, so I feel it's important to commemorate the day here.

Five years ago today, I married Brett of the Transformed Non-Conformist, and our entire relationship began through our blogs. (Making it a DSK event.) The "official" line is that our entire relationship began through HIS blog, since I am an anonymous blogger and my irl friends and family aren't supposed to know about this site.

SIDEBAR: Yes, I am a Star Wars fan. Yes, we were married on Star Wars Day (May the Fourth...) but honestly it was a coincidence.

I started outlining the history of us in the tab^^ "The Saga of..." but I desperately need to update it. (Since no one who was part of our early blogging existence is around anymore, you might really enjoy a visit to that tab.)

Five years married, met seven years ago, and we first found each other in the blogosphere some 6-7 months before that. What a ride.

Credit where credit is due, I found his blog by clicking through a comment he left at The Bloggess. You know her, right? Yeah. Don't discount the value of the comment section. A lot of our initial flirtation happened in the comment section of blogs we both followed. It was fun. It was light-hearted. He lived a thousand miles away so it was harmless! 
HAHahahahaha. God has a grand sense of humor.

We would never have met organically.

If we had ever lived in the same town (county, region) we would never have naturally crossed paths.
Our tastes are as different as night and day.
Our upbringings put us in WILDLY disparate social circles. 

But we have each been adopted into the other's life easily. People know when it's real. His dad shocked both Brett and his brother by greeting me with a hug on our first meeting. My mother allows Brett to do things at the dinner table that NO ONE else can do! ("Only when Uncle Brett is here...") 

As Brett has said, I am the peanut butter to his mouse pad, and he's the hour hand to my work boots. We couldn't be a better fit.

He's sick today, so we're not doing anything. Well, I am. I'm running to the pharmacy and the market and forcing him to take drugs and eat appropriate stuff, but he's mostly just in agony. Which hurts me. The Me of 10 years ago would never have believed this.

We met late in life (38 and 39), married late in life, but it feels like the adventure is still getting started. After we were married and started going to the same doctor, we found out each other's medical issues. (LOL) We joke that we met just in time to fall apart together. 

But man, this falling apart together is fun. I think we're doing it right. 
Enjoy the life you have. 

Have you ever been surprised by someone doing something "out of character" or at least "non-stereotypical"? He surprises me every day. (Well okay, after 7 years, maybe every week.)

PLEASE, don't shut anyone out because they don't seem enough like you, or like "your type". You may be missing out on the best part of humanity.

If I Can Just Be Shallow ...

Can I be shallow for a minute? Just for a minute?

As a non-cool, uber-nerd, I am DELIGHTED to be married to "the leader of the pack". Sorry. I am. It's so shallow.

It's stereotypical as all get-out, but I feel no shame. I LOVE that I finally landed the one guy whom everyone would follow to the end of the earth. 

Don't get me wrong. He uses his powers for good and not evil. I am a goody-two-shoes, after all. He's a nerd, too, and swears that anyone in his high-school (reunion pending, hence the retrospective) would not recognize this description of him.

You know how kids and animals have a 6th sense about people? Kids and animals migrate toward Brett. Unilaterally. I call him "The Pied Piper". He is loved. He passes all their subliminal tests. His heart is pure and motives admirable. Or whatever. 

Kids and animals often shy away from me. They know I don't care about them one way or the other. 

When we lived State-side, Brett and his best buds from high school and post-high school started an annual cook out. There was an entertaining conversation where the guy who had moved to Illinois from the East Coast was called out as the "known" bad influence who led this group of guys to make all kinds of trouble in the county. The other parents thought he was trouble.

He denied that he led anything, and referred that honor to Brett. To which everyone assembled agreed. Everyone. After thinking a minute, Brett, too, agreed that yes, he typically was the mastermind behind this group's schemes that landed them in various amounts of trouble during their teen years. He'd never thought of it. It was just who he was.

I LOVE BEING MARRIED TO THE LEADER OF THE PACK!

It's so sick. It's so wrong to have such a thrill, but I do. I am delighted, thrilled, TURNED ON knowing that this man can get people to do his will without really trying. It's an aphrodisiac to me. He doesn't even know his power.

Okay, at the risk of opening a Pandora's Box, are you willing to share your private shallowness? What are you vain about?

On The Move. Again.

I don't even know where to begin. My beloved husband made me sit on this move for about 3 months, so there is A LOT that has been heretofore unsaid, which is just BURSTING to get out of my brain! 


So the BIG REVEAL: We are moving to Vietnam!
Da Nang, specifically. We just returned to Beijing from 4 days there, finding an apartment, moving in whatever we could take with us, and getting a little acclimated. I'm in love. It smells like home. I am amazed to find that I don't mind the tropical heat. As long as you don't make me dress a certain way, I can make the heat and humidity work.  (My hair is actually better there.)

We didn't even want to come back to Beijing this time. Why did we? We had planned two trips so we could establish an address the first time and maybe ship things the second time. Although we got rid of a lot of things before moving to Beijing and we're not big spenders, we have a few extra mementos to keep, and I'd like to bring certain housewares. They are things that might be bought anywhere, but it's so difficult to RE-start 100% from scratch with every move. (Especially when moving means a new country and having to actually FIND all the places to buy the housewares you like.) Plus tickets were cheap, so it seemed reasonable.

I know this is short, but I've been so busy packing all day, I can't sift through my pictures. Writing this post is such a relief to me, you have no idea. I'll post pictures tomorrow or as soon as I can. Ask any questions you want. I'll be fleshing things out in the next few weeks.

Red Tape

Here's my joke: 
They call it "red-tape" because the Communists do it the best. 

...or the most. 

I'm not good at jokes. 

Living in a communist country has really introduced me to a depth of layers of bureaucratic B.S. that I would never have believed existed.

We spent more than 2 hours this afternoon at our local police station to get a document that it turns out none of the staff there knew how to do!

TWO HOURS! We never did get the document. Brett was livid. Now we have to go back tomorrow armed with a Chinese-speaking friend, and another friend's phone number, who knows people higher up at this office and can perhaps get something done.

When you move to China, you have to register with your local police bureau - very local, like just a few blocks - and they will issue a residency permit. If we stay anywhere else we are to register there until we go home. Staying at a hotel is not a problem, because most hotels have an officer who handles this kind of thing.

We recently read that when you move from your district, you should go to that same office to get a - well, basically a criminal background check. An official letter that says that you haven't committed any crimes while living here. That is all we were trying to get. We had the name of the document in English and Chinese to show to the clerk. I noticed that she seemed somewhat baffled, but they collected our passports and started working. 

Other people came and went, and 2 hours later we were called up to get ... new residency permits! Which we didn't need because ours are still valid. 

This is a very Chinese thing. They don't want to admit they can't do something so they will do what they can. Even if it is the wrong thing and wastes your afternoon for a pointless new piece of paper.

I love traveling. I love living in different countries. I think visiting is great, but by actually residing in a new culture, you really learn about them and yourself.

But seriously, people.

Traveling in Tandem

We are moving. 
I will tell you where to later this month, but it is a big move.

This trip is different from our previous travels together, however.  Typically, I make the travel arrangements along with any required stop points on the trip, and he handles other logistical details, like forwarding mail etc.

When we had been dating less than two months, I was in a wedding in New Hampshire and invited him as my guest. (I was living in Indiana, he in Illinois, at the time.) I handled tickets, hotel, all my bridesmaid stuff, and let him figure out how to get to me to fly out of Indy and what to do with himself while I was occupied with wedding stuff out east. It was an awesome trip.

The year we got married we had many road trips. In fact, truth be told, part of the logic behind wedding in May when we had talked about doing it in the fall was because we had so many places to go and wanted to go together! His daughter's graduation, my goddaughter's graduation, and about a billion weddings all took place between that May and October. It was a great summer.

We developed a system: If it was my family/friend, I planned the travel details. If it was his, he did. His planning tended to be along the lines of... let's see how far we get the first day, and contact Hotels.com while on the road. My planning was more detailed. I learned to incorporate some leeway because, when you marry someone who is at their best and most comfortable flying by the seat of their pants, you accommodate! 

October was the finale of the traveling and it was my friend's wedding in Moab, Utah. We both knew people in Colorado, so we chose to fly in and out of Denver and rented a car. I secured rooms in the hotel recommended by the bride - OUTSTANDING - but allowed whole days with no plans. There is so much to do out there, I had a vague idea of "we must visit this and that" but left timing to him. 

It was possibly the best trip of our lives so far. We were supposed to leave the hotel on Sunday but were having such an amazing time in Moab that we extended our stay by a day. 

That was a fun reminiscence for me! Circling back to my point...

For this move, HE got the tickets! Our last major trip was to return to the US after about a year in China, and he noticed that the arrangements seemed to stress me out. There are SO MANY details and potential pitfalls when traveling internationally, and going through a 3rd party, I found, added to the headaches. So this time HE did the travel arrangements and is handling logistics of moving like canceling the lease and dealing with banks and things. While I am home working few hours right now I am packing the house, putting out feelers for potential buyers of furnishings that will not travel with us, etc. 

I love our marriage. I don't know of any couple as thoughtful of each other.

Underwear Presumptuous!

Don't be underwear presumptuous!

This statement came into our delightfully amusing marriage early-on when we traveled to a wedding, and I had packed one bag for us. I left one side for him to put his things into, but something was lost in translation. Now, he always puts out his clothes for me to put into the suitcase, so neither of us just assumes the other added our necessities!

I don't remember what specifically happened - if we stayed an extra day or what - but he was one pair of underwear short. It's such a running gag now that for his birthday one year I bought him as a gag gift a tin of "emergency underwear" from archiemcphee.com. (This is easily our favorite online store for goofiness.)

Anyway, I told him he was underwear presumptuous. Now we both usually pack extra underwear, because we are spontaneous people and may very well extend a visit somewhere! Don't want to be underwear presumptuous!

The point is: Be prepared. How else can you be prepared?

When I leave our apartment here in Beijing, even if it's just to go to the store, I often bring my subway pass just in case I decide I want to do something else. This is also helpful because one of the things I do is audio recording, and the owner of the studio will call me in for an impromptu session at short notice.

You know how your mom always taught you to use the toilet before leaving the house? Moreso here. Public restrooms are everywhere, but unless you are in a western style shopping mall, you may have to use a set-in-the-ground toilet, and it's not always comfortable. (How long can you hold a deep squat?)

The actual teachers' toilet at a school I taught at.

(This is not a discussion about toilets. There are reasons to think this is actually more sanitary than western toilets, but back to my point.)

Expect the unexpected is not possible, but there are things you can do to be a little more prepared for life to intervene: Leave a little early. We all have entertainment on our phones if you arrive early. Keep medicine refilled before it's urgent. What am I missing?


(If you're visiting from A to Z, please include the name of your blog as it is on the Master List so I can return the favor!)

Be Still my Beating... Really?

Today's annoyingly saccharine prompt wants me to tell 5 ways to "win my heart." Bleah. How cheesy can you get? Really. Besides, does anyone really know until it happens? Of course not. So my version of this will be a brief discussion of how I got together with Brett. For more details, see the tab at the top of this blog "The Saga of Red and the Transformed Nonconformist". It needs to be updated, but the early stuff is there.

For me to have interest in any man, he must first and foremost be smart. I have a high intelligence and do not suffer fools easily. Besides, I have seen guys who were interested in me lose interest as soon as I show myself to be a nerd. So, 1. SMART.

My feelings for Brett really spiked the night that things came crashing down around me as I prepared to move from my home in Delaware. We still had never met face to face, but were emailing regularly. When I came home in crisis and sent him an email about it, he answered, "I'm here if you need to talk," and we emailed (I wasn't foolish enough to give my phone number to a stranger!) all night. 2. BE THERE FOR ME.

I was not one to let religion stop me from dating someone, but the fact that we both had a similar understanding of the Bible - and that he had a theological education - made discussions about religion easy to have, and interesting. Although I wouldn't say that categorically, sharing a common religion is a key to "win my heart," a valuable part of our current relationship is 3. SHARED FAITH.

Some people (my BFF, for one) cannot abide liars. I would hope we all hold ourselves in high enough esteem to steer clear of those who habitually deceive us. If I'm honest, though, Brett "won my heart" through deception. Not malicious lies, but let's just say he's very quick with google. I had posted an Audrey Hepburn quote from a favorite movie, and he responded with a suitable quote from the same movie, making me think he was familiar with it. I was impressed. Months later, after we'd met and were happily dating, he informed me he had never seen that movie, but did a quick search for my quote, and found a good response! This was just one time he showed that he could 4. FAKE IT.

I should perhaps have mentioned this first. Although it isn't the most important, the immediate, first thing I notice about a person is their attitude. Granted, it's a perception that may be wrong - you may not be angry, but merely frustrated in the moment. Still, if I spend an afternoon with you, I can get a pretty good idea of your general attitude towards life. NOTE: I am not talking about a mood. Do you feel the world owes you something? Is everything someone else's fault? Are you rude to the wait staff? I cannot stress enough how vital to winning my heart was Brett's 5. POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

There you have it. I hope by not addressing this topic as a bullet list, and by sort of flipping the script to put the item at the end of the description worked for you, because it was an entertaining exercise for me!

The Train Ride from Hell - but the scenery was priceless!

My view.

I knew we'd be sharing a room. Room - "hard sleeper" means 6 bunks in a small cabin without a door. About 12 cabins per train car, with a tiny table-ette in the hall outside each open doorway. That's a lot of people sharing space.

...If you're reading this, you might want to use the toilet, pour yourself a beverage and settle in.

I knew prior to moving to China that Chinese people in general are less protective of their personal space than Americans. It's fine! Not like we expected to travel in luxury, and this is how you meet people.

Sort of.
Through grunts and pointing, since I don't know the language.
For 24 hours.

Beijing West railway station.

We were headed to Hong Kong to re-validate our tourist visas. One stamp showing we left the country. One stamp showing the date of our "second" trip to China.

China is almost the same size as the U.S. Imagine boarding a train in Minnesota and exiting in Houston. Not getting off the train even once until Houston. One night in Houston (Hong Kong) and returning the same way. For two days after our return, it felt like I was swaying when I walked. I was afraid I'd fall off my chair during Thanksgiving dinner on Friday night!

The trip.

We started out from frigid Beijing at about 9pm. Easy enough, just in time to settle in for the night. Brett and I each had the two top bunks, about 8 feet above the floor and about 18 inches below the ceiling. Have I ever mentioned my claustrophobia? It's usually dormant except in low-ceiling situations. I took ginger (against motion-sickness) and melatonin (sleep-aid), and woke a few hours later, then every time the train stopped. 

We were in the party car. A pair of guys were settled in at the table right outside our cabin, and two cabins down from us were enjoying each others company. During the wee hours, I started hearing all their voices again. 

In the morning, we needed to stretch our legs, so decided to search out a dining car. When we found it, it was empty (an hour before lunch service), and they didn't want us there, but with the language barrier I think they found it easier to just let us sit and charge our phones. Eventually we ordered some lunch, and two Chinese men were seated with us near the end of our meal, extending our time in the comfort of the dining booth.

We were due to arrive around 6:30 p.m., and in the afternoon I got engrossed in watching a group in the next cabin gambling over some poker-ish type card game. I didn't understand it at all because of the language, but a wife of one of the players made great company watching with me from the aisle. We watched the scenery and the game, and I looked up how to say "beautiful": Mei-li-de. 

Honestly, much of the mountainous scenery we went through made me think of the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but maybe that was because it was so cloudy and grey - you know, like the scenes near the end of the movie?

Sorry. I digress.

We were running about an hour late. My first inclination of that was when we started getting all our stuff together and packed back up, and the group next door brought out the snack food and cracked open some beers! They shared, graciously, I think amused at the pair of "Meigworens" in their midst. I'd walked the length of the train. We were the only non-Chinese.

We arrived in Shenzhen, where we passed through customs and had to hop a subway to Hong Kong! About an hour later we popped out in the heart of the city, with no hotel reservation and no idea where we were. 

Hong Kong! And palm trees!

We quickly realized we'd picked the wrong subway stop as all the stores and businesses were EXTREMELY high end. In the end, we paid more than double our "highest" price we had hoped to pay for a hotel, dropped off our bag and immediately went out for food. At nearly 10 pm.

We found the best pizza we'd had since moving to China, a couple good beers, and some delightfully ENGLISH conversation - with a native from Nepal. Seriously, everyone speaks English in Hong Kong. It was so relaxing. We headed back to bed - to our expensive room with two twins because the hotel was so full they had no queen rooms left! My Chinese insomnia that has plagued me since moving here was cured in that tiny, expensive bed.

Return Trip.

There was some early talk about things we might be able to purchase in Hong Kong that are difficult to find in China, but after blowing our wad on a bed and some pizza, and with the extremely long subway trip between Hong Kong and Shenzhen, we just took a slow, window-shopping walk toward the subway station.

The subway back to Shenzhen, at 10 in the morning, was not bad at all. Apparently rush-hour is a thing everywhere! (and we missed it) Our passports stamped for our return, we had... three hours to wait before boarding the next 24-hour train.

It was sunny, and gorgeous. And not crowded like the Beijing station. And we had time to relax! In the sun. 
So we did. 
It was glorious. 
I love the sun.

This time, the train left around 2pm. No settling into our bunks for the night. Actually, it was horrible. There was a young couple in our cabin - I'll call them Princess and The Stooge. They were all up in our business, being sure we were in the correct bunks - we had planned to switch bunks because Brett perferred the privacy of the top bunk and we had one high and one low bunk this time. But no. The Stooge assured that I was in the top and Brett was in the bottom.

It was horrible. Princess and The Stooge commandeered the entire cabin, even bringing in the trash-tray that belonged with the aisle table, so Princess didn't have to leave to throw her... I dunno, pumpkin seed hulls? Ramen wrappers? I did not like that couple. AND since Brett is more social than I and often was away from his bunk, The Stooge kept settling into Brett's bunk like he owned the place. He is my permanent arch-nemesis.

Brett made friends with an English-speaking grad student from the next cabin. They talked the whole time until a late goodnight.

He makes everything better.

I think what saved me the first trip was Brett's presence in the high bunk across from me. There was a quiet young lady up there this time, and as I was taking ginger and melatonin again - because it sort of worked on the way down - she got a phone call. She tried to talk quietly, which was considerate. Then a few minutes later I kept hearing sniffling and gradually realized she was crying. I reached over and offered her a tissue, and she thanked me, and that was it. I decided that, in the morning I'd try to break through the language barrier and see if she was okay, or maybe needed a friend? She was on my mind, poor girl.

I awoke when the train was still. Breathing was hard. The stillness was the worst. It was midnight. I looked down toward my husband, listened to the dark stillness, and focused on my breathing. We started moving, but I couldn't sleep. Each time we stopped, the ceiling felt too close. At one stop, there was someone walking above my head. After 3 or 4 stops and panicked breathing, I was dressed, my shoes were on, and I was ready to climb down, but didn't want to wake people, so I held back. Finally it was too much, so I climbed down, with my phone and charger. There weren't many outlets for charging, but in the middle of the night, they were available!

I spent 5 hours in the aisle at a tiny table-ette, phone plugged in, knocking out sudokus and word puzzles - no wi-fi. Staff occasionally passed through as we neared a stop, ensuring that passengers didn't miss their stops. It kept getting colder the further north we passed, so at some point I climbed just high enough to get my coat and be warmer in the aisle. I cuddled up against the outer wall of the train, but was still cold. I stood leaning against the wall of the cabin, feet propped against the outer wall so I wouldn't fall, but finally around 5am I decided I was exhausted enough to climb back up to my claustrophobic tomb and pass out.

I did. Two hours later I was up. It was light out but still cold.
The girl with the tears the night before was gone.
I hope she's okay.

Thanksgiving feast!

When Brett got up, we ate some snack food items I'd picked up in Shenzhen and watched The Stooge dote on Princess. When the grad student got up, he offered new snack foods we'd never tried, and we had some lively conversation to pass the last few hours up to Beijing.

Four subways after arriving in Beijing, we were FINALLY home. But not done.

Brett took our newly stamped passports to update our residence permit while I hopped in the shower to start getting ready for A FORMAL THANKSGIVING DINNER we had that night.

I was so tired I could cry. I desperately wanted someone to tell me to just stay home and sleep. No one did. The bags and circles under my eyes took some work to make photo-ready. But we got ready and headed out to a fancy hotel to explain the significance of turkey to this American holiday! And ultimately, I'm glad I didn't stay home and sleep, because it was a good evening and a fun event.

But when we finally got home, I crashed. Hard.

End of story.

To-Do Lists

I am a planner. This is in my genetic code and I cannot turn it off. I may have mentioned before that, when we travel, Brett and I have developed a fairly mature balance of my need to plan – make the lists, keep things as organized as I can – with his need to fly by the seat of his pants. It works.

We are now planning a very big move overseas. Whoopee! I should be in heaven, right?

You’ve heard of writer’s block? I think I have planner’s block.

Typically I’d start with a list. A list of things to pack, things to sell, questions to ask, costs, something. I don’t even know where to start!

I finally went around the house with post-its and labeled all furniture “sell” or “store”. I started one list: Things I will take to my sister’s. She is newly divorced and will adopt some of our things, maybe permanently, or at least until she finds something better. That’s my only list thus far and it’s killing me.

I printed out monthly calendars for July, August and September thinking this would help me organize – maybe if I set dates for certain tasks or deadlines? 

We each have certain things to do organizationally. Since he’s the one with the initial job offer, and he has the contact, he is in charge of all the paperwork stuff to make it possible for us to get work visas, to make it legal for us to go. He’s also doing the asking of questions about housing, etc. 

I think this morning I had a breakthrough: We now know all that is needed for our work visas, and it is a multi-step process, involving several different organizations and documentation. This will take time. I think, if I give us a deadline of July 31^st to have our work visas, I can go from there.

Hopefully this is the push I need. I’ve looked up “living in Beijing”, looked up airfares, and decided our travel route, but not dates.

I’m also taking a few of the “store” items up to my sister who is setting up her new apartment, for her to use while we’re overseas. That may help too. Maybe seeing the gap where the coffee table was, and missing a lamp in the bedroom will be enough momentum to keep me going.

It’s nerve-wracking.

I need a list.

Any suggestions?