Morning Chit-Chat

Hubs came out of the bedroom this morning as I was laughing out loud at a book I'm reading. He looked at me, confused.

Him: Don't you have language lessons today?

Me: Nope. Tomorrow.

Him: Is it always tomorrow?

 

Me: Every Thursday. [Vietnamese class 8:45-9:45, Mandarin 10:00-11:00] But I didn't do much homework this week, so tomorrow won't be good. [You know, inertia, etc.]

Him: You have all day!

 

Me: For what?

 

Him: For homework!

 

Me: That's not a very positive thought!

 

Him: I know both your teachers on social media. I could tell on you.

 

Me: I wish you would.

 

...Because doesn't an excuse always feel more valid when someone else makes it for you? 

 

I do practice my languages each day. For both, I have books in the language that I am trying to make sense of, or memorize bits of, or glean new vocab from. But the specific review of the past lesson, completing an assignment, all that? Nope. Not last week.

 

The thing is, I'm not doing this for a grade. I'm doing it for life. For my own learning. I value the homework, and feel great when I'm prepared, but honestly, if I have nothing done, we'll still talk in the language, review something. Especially with books around, I can ask questions. 

 

Maybe I'll do some homework later today, maybe not. But the classes will be just fine. 

Reassessing What's Important

I am utterly apathetic these days. 

I don't think it's depression. It was, and sometimes is, but even when the depression fog lifts, I have zero motivation to do anything.

I'm learning two languages. Theoretically. I cancelled both classes last week, and haven't looked at the homework for either one.

I called off the classes because I'm trying to finish the novel I started in Nanowrimo last year. The ending is proving elusive, and I thought that if I gave myself permission to focus just on writing, I could sort it out. I did not. I wrote less on the days of the cancelled classes than on previous days. 

I called my mom the other day. Thought maybe a touch of normalcy would help shake me out of this ... whatever it is. It did not. It was yet another conversation of small talk, peppered with updates on my siblings as much as she knew. (My family does not partake of deep conversation with each other.)

So I'm just here to make sense of my own self.

Learning Mandarin was vital when we lived in China. I still think it's a good idea, and it is helpful with my little online Chinese students. But am I learning simply for vanity? To be able to brag? It will look good on a resume if I ever go back into the normal workforce, but how likely is that?

Learning Vietnamese is a good idea because I live here, but many foreigners don't bother learning it. Two reasons. 1) We are in a touristy area where minimal Vietnamese is needed. Most vendors and businesses that will have dealings with a foreigner have some basic English. 2) Pronunciation is apparently vastly different from north to south, so learning it in one place doesn't mean you'll understand it elsewhere. BUT 1) vendors and business-people appreciate a foreigner who at least tries to speak Vietnamese - even poorly, and 2) We haven't yet traveled away from the central coastal region, so ...

Do I continue with language classes? For both languages?

Before I started teaching online, when I decided that I was a Writer first and foremost, I forced myself to spend time writing. I keep adding hours teaching, which makes it feel like my main job. I mean, being paid NOW is more motivating than working long hours for the potential of payment later, should I ever be published. 

I think I need to cut back on teaching hours, and maybe relax the Mandarin for a bit. I don't know what that looks like time-wise, but at least I have an idea of a potential solution!

Thanks, Blogger. This has been productive.

Easy to Quit

So Easy to Quit.

I started studying Mandarin last fall. I live in Vietnam now. Everyone is surprised that I'm continuing my study of Mandarin after moving out of China, and my response is simply that Mandarin is a good language to know as long as I'm living anywhere in this part of the world. I believe that.

Now that I'm here, it would be so easy to quit.

I see a few shops that have Chinese characters on their outdoor signage so I know there's some Mandarin presence. I don't have any way to practice it daily.

It would be easy to quit.

But I won't. I know so many bits and pieces of other languages, I want to finally become fluent in one. I can count to 10 in 10 languages. I had the Japanese exchange students at my high school teach me an impressive sentence (while my classmates were learning curse words). Often, common sayings pop into my head in German instead of English. But I can't converse in anything but English. I'm getting there with Mandarin.

Quitting is always an easy option, isn't it?

I have no set "job", although I am still doing bits of work for people I worked for/with in Beijing. My business idea is just that. I am learning/deciding how to set it up, and trying to find information on business laws here. I want to do it properly from the get-go, and that will take time. I know that, for a professional business with a professional webpage, business cards, etc., there will be a capital outlay, and we don't have that yet.

Knowing this, when we planned this move, Brett based our financial expectations on his expected income. He started working this week, but won't see a paycheck until next month. He did not figure any income from me into the plans, because we don't know when or how much that will be.

He believes that we will be able to live comfortably on his income.
I don't need to work. I don't need to start a business of any kind.

It would be so easy to quit.

But I won't. Not only am I not used to not working, I believe what I have to offer has serious value in my new home city! I have certain skills and abilities that I need to exercise. If I fail, I fail, but I won't quit.

I'm curious to hear of your almost-quitting stories. Have you ever been tempted to quit something, but stuck it out to a positive result? Have you stuck it out, but realized you should have quit while you were ahead?

Qin Dynasty

Bear with me. This one requires a bit of an intro.

Where I live. Why I learn Mandarin.

In learning Mandarin, the first thing they teach is how to read pinyin, which is the way they spell out character pronunciations using Latin letters. But most of them aren't "right" for an English speaker! I'm lucky to have a linguist for a husband, who reminded me early on that a lot of languages utilizing the Latin alphabet pronounce things their own way. In German, J has a Y sound. In Spanish, J is more like H.

In Chinese pinyin, Q is sort of like ch, but with a bit of a TS to it.

The Qin Dynasty was the first unified dynasty, and maybe that's why we call this country China now? I'm not trying to do research on this right now, although I would be very interested to study Chinese history.

I'm not really writing about the Qin Dynasty, but the use of "Q" in pinyin is part of my everyday life. I've had to open my mind to the fact that pronunciation of ANY symbol - Latin or otherwise - is arbitrary. Since this culture calls Q "ch", that is the correct pronunciation ... here. 

I go to Visual Mandarin (dot-com) to look up stroke order when practicing my characters.

There are a LOT of Q words. Except they aren't Q words. They are distinct characters that may have a meaning alone, but also have several meanings when coupled with other characters. It's a paradigm shift. 

Which brings me around to a sort of vague connection to Life Wisdom: If something as simple as letters can be so very different from a different perspective in a different culture, what else do we look at as black and white that may be completely different from a different view? Have you ever had a basic premise contradicted in your life?

(If you're visiting from A to Z, please include the name of your blog as it is on the Master List so I can return the favor!)

The Difference a Year Makes

Happy Anniversary to me! 

We have officially been living in China for one year, as of yesterday. 

I meant to post yesterday, but I spent the day in a recording studio 2 hours away, making videos for an online class teaching rhymes and crafts to little kids - making English fun and practical, and not just textbook knowledge. It's a pretty sweet gig; I won't lie. What a difference a year makes!

My view from the makeup room

I've learned to look at these projects from a totally new perspective:

I'm just the on-air talent.
I'm the trained monkey.

I have little say in the script or the crafts, except for the fact that I'm the one doing them. But it was kind of fun stepping back from my typical helpful "let me get that" attitude. You do your thing. I'll do mine.

No more teaching for me, not even drama. I wrote a Christmas play for a private facility, but the jury is out on how involved I'll be with that. What a difference a year makes.

Mandarin homework

We are learning the language - almost 200 characters so far, plus words made up of them, plus spoken words and sentences that we haven't learned characters for yet. Well, we've been taught that many, but how many I actually know is debatable. Anyway, it's a start.

We are stable enough to order in food and pay for it. I am looking to Ikea for ways to increase our limited amount of space in the apartment.

We're definitely in a better place than when we first arrived, and it is fall again: The Golden Season in Beijing. That means all the giant-sized fruits that were available when we arrived are coming back.

Life is just life now. We know where to find things we need, and if we are freezing before the heat gets turned on in November (like last year) we can at least afford to buy another blanket!

Things are still often unpredictable. We found a great place for reflexology foot massages, but half the time I go there, they are closed! I cannot figure out their hours. And the way holidays work here throws Brett off almost monthly.

On the whole, things are better than a year ago. Still, for me, the jury is out on this as a potential long-term home. 

Starting Over

Okay, I'll try this again. I can't seem to get my thoughts in order, but the longer I postpone writing, the worse it'll be.

We returned from the States and launched into Mandarin

classes. Which is fun, but requires study time outside the 6 hours per week that we're in class. Also, the last two weeks I worked double hours to make up for the 2 weeks I was gone. I have slept and slept on the weekends.

When we moved overseas when I was a kid, the mission group we were with had established timelines: Live in a country for 3 years, then return for a 3 month furlough. That was the timeline we followed. I never thought about it until this trip to the US after just 10 months. I now understand the wisdom of that plan.

Do you know how easy life is in the States? You can go anywhere you want to, without checking in with people. 

Such wide open spaces!

You can buy... SO much. I wanted to record one of our shopping trips to Walmart to share with my Chinese friends here, but decided that might be insensitive, or send a message of greed and materialism.

Seriously - popcorn!


And the heaven that is a bottomless cup of coffee...



My first thought, as we left the Vancouver airport and meandered that city, was, "Man, these Canadians are tall!" Of course, they're no taller on average than Americans. It was just the culture shock of not feeling like a giant!

We had to take the trip when we did. We had given ourselves one year to keep things in storage, with the goal that after a year we would know better what we still might need. So we had to clean out the storage unit, and really put a push out to sell my car. Due to school vacation times, our "one year" became 10 months, so that we could be back in time for school to start.

We cleared out the storage unit - with great success! And succeeded in selling my car. Yay! But on the whole I think the trip was premature. Now I'm back almost to the beginning of trying to consider Beijing home. Not that I want to go back to the States. It's easier, yes, but a LOT more expensive. I speak the language there, but I'm learning this one. 

I don't really know what my problem is. I guess, on the whole, I'll never really be "happy" anywhere, so I just wish I lived in a location that I liked better, so the "unhappy" could be a little comfortable.

I'll be more positive when I write again. I promise. I just need to re-settle a bit.