05 October, 2013

The Agony And The Ecstacy

I'm trying to be better about blogging weekly - or close to it.

This week? Anxiety. That's what's on tap.

There's this huge event on Sunday, and I have to go.

And it doesn't involve my people.
But I've been doing most of the planning and organizing.
It's for work, so I'm paid.
It's for work, so I have to be professional and polite - as compared to casual and normal.

Now, I can'thonestly say I suffer from some kind of "social anxiety disorder". I'm not afraid of people. I don't avoid touching, or  avoid crowds. I won't end up curled in a ball under a table from fright. I'm just not social.

Oh, I *can* be. I'm a P.K. (Pastor's Kid) I'm used to putting on my Sunday manners in front of strangers. I dress up well, and you can even take me out!

I've come to realize, though, that I don't like it.

No...stronger than that, just not to a diagnose-able level...
It stresses me out beforehand. It's emotionally exhausting during.

Even parties held by people I know - I tend to change my mind 19 times before going, thinking how much I'd rather stay home and read a book. Sometimes I go, sometimes I skip it.

I can't skip this one. I can't even tell my boss that it bothers me, because he's been trying to get more of these clients to contact me directly, so I know it's important that they put a face to a name, associate a person with the email, etc.

Here's the deal:
Me, a half-dozen coworkers I know, 3 or 4 employees I've literally never seen, and 70-ish clients and potential clients. A fancy (VERY) restaurant. They will all be coming over from a conference.  A pretty important crowd.

I'm not worried I'll embarrass the firm or anything, and I actually half-hope that next week my boss will tell me how impressed he (or everyone else) was. I just don't like hanging with people I don't know or care about.

That's my vent. Now for the good news:

BRETT'S COMING! Oh, not to the dinner. At $50 a plate, I'm not high enough on the totem pole to bring my S.O...although he's much better in social situations. He may not like them, but he does well talking to strangers while I just linger back. I will happily pretend to be his arm-candy. 

But he's here this weekend. He has a calming effect on me. He's just so matter-of-fact about everything. Easy-going. Logical. By the time he leaves on Sunday afternoon, I know I'll be ready to take on the old men in suits!


  1. I hate that too, if they aren't my people I feel that weird tension you get between your shoulder blades that never quite goes away. I think I would die if I had to share a hotel room with someone I didn't know well. I mean, die from tension that is. Not from them murdering me in the shower.

    1. It just wipes me out. I'd be fine if everyone left me alone.

  2. I totally get what you're going through - I'm the same way! I get the same anxiety about public speaking as with big events, but I've found that I get a big rush after I pull everything off. So just focus on all the awesome kudos you'll get next week - and enjoy that $50 a plate food!

    1. Oddly, I am fine with public speaking. I'd rather do that than make small-talk with strangers!
      ...and I did get nice kudos! - and a gift card to return another time with Brett. Yay!

  3. If I had advice, I would tell you, but I'm the same way. I don't even like small groups of people unless I'm super good friends with everyone. I'm not good in social situations. I tend to hide behind whoever I know and make them talk for me.

    1. I can plan the heck of social situations, but yeah. If I know the hostess and 3 other people among a group of 18, I'd still rather stay home.

      Brett is VERY good at doing the talking for both of us if I want him to. (He doesn't prevent me from talking if I want to.)

  4. On the occasions I do get to go to, I will be more than happy to take the lead and deflect people away. Plus, I kind of enjoy it. If everyone's not looking at me, I feel like I'm not doing it right.

    1. You can have all the lime-light you want. I will happily bask in your light! ...or hide in your shadow...or reflect the limelight your way, or whatever.

      (My boss seems good at that, too. He was really "on" at this event.)

  5. Im the exact same way in social situations. Alcohols helps... A LOT..



    1. Ha! On one hand, I could've been drinking wine all night, but I get chatty when that happens, and didn't want to stick my foot in my mouth. I had one glass. More to come...

  6. I tend to make it to such events, but after an hour, I'm ready to go. Good luck!

  7. I agree, unless I hit the booze. In this case, I left as early as I gracefully could...after about 2 1/2 hours.


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