05 June, 2020

More Foreboding - surprise!

I'm not saying this for sympathy.
I'm not saying this in ANY WAY relating to my opinion on current events.
I'm saying this because my head and heart are flooded and it's better out than in.

I keep waffling on whether to write or not write. Few people in any of my social platforms seem to be saying things not related to #BlackLivesMatter. Which they do. Black Lives DO Matter, and I've never understood the arguments against that. But this isn't that.

...I have seen one friend who regularly - weekly? maybe? - shares Covid statistics for her county.

So if something isn't Covid or racism related, it's not likely out there.

Oh... one high school friend is in limbo waiting for a liver transplant. There's that.

Everyone has their stuff and I am not in any way ignorant of that, but I have to put my words out into the ether because they are poisoning my life.

Yesterday was the 31st anniversary of the Tian-An-Men massacre. I was in Taiwan when that happened, and helped volunteers airlift Taiwanese news articles about it, to send information across the Taiwan Straits into China where there was a news blackout. The subject brings me to tears. The People's Republic of China still denies that it happened.

Yesterday was the annual peaceful protest / vigil in Hong Kong. PROC has taken over Hong Kong while the rest of the world is focused on Covid. They tried to stop it. It still happened. 

Violence and protest is everywhere.

Also, earlier this week was the birthday of my nephew who took his own life in September. (Did I mention that in an earlier post? Sorry if I'm repeating myself.) My brother's family is reliving his death daily.

Also! I had a message from my mom last night that my OTHER brother - not the father of the deceased nephew - has been called up into a riot area. He's National Guard now. We don't know where.

Oh, yeah, and my dad is 80, my mom turns 80 this year, and Dad's been in renal failure for a few years (he's stable). Recently their gym has reopened so they are going back to fitness classes. I mean, great for them, and I'm proud they are taking care of themselves - I honestly don't know how safe their state is or their town or their facilities. But through all this they are the primary guardians of my military brother's two young daughters. Dear God, Please keep them all safe!

It's a crap shoot guessing which of my family members will die next. I thought, after my sister's funeral just before the new Lunar Year, that I'd have a good year free from more death. I'm beginning to rethink that guess.

We all die. 
It doesn't truly matter. 
I couldn't go to the funeral anyway!
It just weighs on me.

12 comments:

  1. I've lost two brothers this past year. It is a sadness that I think will weigh on my until the end of my days. I am so sorry for your losses.

    As Americans, I think we experience other people's oppression as so awful. Yet there are cultures that have lived with it for centuries.

    Helen Mirren spoke of the dark soul of Eastern Europeans. I don't know that they are dark but they certainly have adapted to living under corrupt governments. We have had corruption in our government but not to the extent these cultures have had. I'm a never Trumper so you can discern what I think of his ethics.

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    1. I'm so sorry for your grief! Death is hardest on the living.

      The China thing - yes, they are used it in PROC, and don't even know what's happening, because outside news is locked down. But the fact that they have taken over Hong Kong, and are taking over pieces of other countries, is a bit scary. And Hong Kongers do NOT like the way the Mainland is handling things.

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  2. Everything just sucks right now...no way around it. Sigh...

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  3. We're living through interesting times...

    Can you unplug from all this news? It may be time to step back and find something else to focus on. I keep finding myself scrolling through Twitter, and it hasn't been helping. At least we're no longer on curfew (there have been large demonstrations in my city and county).

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    1. I have cut way back on social media, but living so far from my friends and family, shutting it off for the bad stuff also means losing contact with the good stuff.

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  4. Shit. that sucks. i understand renal failure. my mum. but i'm watching her like a hawk. i think it's difficult not being able to be THERE and feeling like you can do something - for ALL of them. (if you're so inclined, that is.)

    But I think there are lots of tragedies going on - on a global scale, national scale, and yes even personal level.

    All i can say, is you were heard. I hear you. And i hope you find a way to stay comforted. (Because staying strong is over rated!)

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    1. I love that! "Stay comforted."
      Hubs and I have discovered "The Masked Singer", so we're bonding over that. No spoilers - we're just in season 2.

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  5. Really bad times, on all fronts.
    What happened in that US town was not the first such incident. I just hope and pray that we will never in the future hear of such a tragedy. It's gone on for far too long.

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    1. Yes. I hope and pray that healing is happening and diplomatic dialog can make some real changes.

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  6. It is an awful lot at once. It's hard to even know where to concentrate our sympathies. No one can choose to care about and support everything.

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    1. I'm done grieving. I know it will creep up on me now and then, but no more tears for people I know or don't know. I'm taking back my year!

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I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.