Just a short Five-Minute Friday post.
On these posts, I follow the one-word prompt from Five Minute Friday.
If
you want to join, click that link. (It's a new link, if you've tried before.) Every
Friday is a new word, and the only rules are:
Write for 5 minutes.
Link
your post there.
(You have a whole week to get your post up.) It's pretty cool, when I remember to do it. A great community feeling.
This week's one-word is "Worth".
Timer starting...
I have recently been sent into reflection questioning my own worth. I saw a friend harming herself and abandoning her goals - I'd watched for a while, actually, and never spoke up because I know there are bigger issues at play. After months - over a year - I finally, last week, reminded her of her original goal, which seems to have been abandoned.
Perhaps - no, clearly - I chose the wrong words. My intention was pure. I have been part of supposed "accountability" groups which quickly turn into "pat everyone on the back for being lesser than they could be" groups instead of "encourage everyone to step up toward their goals" groups. Drives me crazy and I leave the group. I seek accountability!
We have been friends for decades, so I knew she'd take my nudge in the correct spirit.
Wrong.
She said I was being superior, and assumed judgment.
She has no idea that I am a fragile human under my outward appearance of strength. I've been in tears for two days. What is the point of my life if not to encourage others? How can I bring value to anyone's life if all I ever do is say "you are great"?
I know a handful of people who will faithfully argue that I - my own deeply flawed self - have worth. But right now, I doubt it with every fiber of my being.
Stop.
This was one of the issues that I struggled with in ministry. Very few people wanted help tackling the issues in their life. They just wanted affirmation that they were doing right and never wanted their own contributions to their suffering pointed out.
ReplyDeleteI guess.
DeleteOh, my. I feel for you. Kudos for having the courage to speak up. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy." Proverbs 27:6. I will say a prayer that your friend's eyes will be opened. Blessings and peace to you. Stopping from FMF.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that reminder!
DeleteShe admitted that she was hurt because it was true.
I am the "insensitive" friend in practically all of my friendships - not out of unkindness, but because I care about the person too much to watch them self destruct. <3 Praying your friend learns to value your concern!
ReplyDeletevisiting from #88 at FMF --- Sarah Jo
I usually don't say anything. I'm just super supportive when they start trying to improve.
DeleteIt takes a lot of love for a person to be honest. You're a kind person to help your friend. They are comfortable in their rut. Sometimes you have to believe in yourself and not the reaction you get. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ann!
DeleteWe've worked through it.
Good for you for saying something. Even if she's mad now, she might be thankful later. People don't speak up enough. I know a woman who divorced her husband, got married to a convict in prison, and abandoned her kids to move to a completely different state, all in the span of 2 months. Every time she posts one of these updates on Facebook, her friends just awkwardly congratulate her. It almost bugs me that no one has the courage to stand up and say something. I would, but we're barely acquaintances.
ReplyDeleteThat's rough!
DeleteI don't know if she's thankful, but we are okay.
I am one of those who speaks my mind. And often am taken wrong. And have had my feelings hurt by people whose feelings I have hurt by only being truthful! I've had to decide that I would rather be the one who speaks out....
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I would rather be the one who speaks out. It almost always turns on me when I do. I guess I must appear to be so amazingly awesome that everyone assumes I feel like I'm better than they are!
DeleteYou were trying to affirm your friend's worth and ended up questioning your own.
ReplyDeleteI hope there will come a time when your friend appreciates that.
I hope so too. We are "okay" now, but I feel I need to keep my distance for a while. Once bitten, twice "fine do your own thing!)
Delete