15 April, 2022

Memories - #AtoZChallenge

I talk to my mom every week. I didn't always, but since my Dad's funeral in early November I started calling more, and then one time she ended the call with "I really enjoy our weekly calls." I looked at my history and... no. We hadn't been talking weekly. More like bi-weekly. So I made a point to call her once a week from then on.

The other night she called while I was bingeing on a TV show I used to discuss with my deceased sister. I'd also been drinking a drink we invented when my sister came here to visit me. So if you had asked, I'd have said I was "communing" with my sister when my mom called. Not wallowing in memories, but remembering. And even though Mom doesn't get the TV show, it was kind of nice to talk her at that time.

There were normal things to discuss: family, health, my current visa situation... and then that discussion turned to breaking down why my siblings did or did not attend the recent family event. Who am I to judge? I stayed home in Vietnam! In the course of the conversation, I mentioned that Dad always used to use the phrase, "put the best construction on everything." 

If that sounds confusing, you're probably not alone. The phrase came from Martin Luther 500 years ago. Even Luther's Small Catechism has updated the wording. (I know, because Mom looked it up while we talked.)

Basically, Luther was advising everyone to assume the best. When someone doesn't text back in a timely manner, don't assume they are ghosting you or angry, but "put the best construction on everything" and think of a logical, positive reason that they may be delayed in answering.

Anyway, the phrase was familiar to Mom, but she didn't associate it with my dad. Honestly, I didn't hear it every day, just occasionally dropped into moments of parental advice. Probably. 

Mom and I don't really talk a lot about my deceased dad. Early on I realized she's doing fine. She's not a "grieving widow" in the manner that the phrase implies. She's busy, she's taking care of things, she's good. So Dad doesn't come up very often.

But it was clear that she was touched to hear that kind of memory. "Put the best construction on everything." She's dealing with some intense stuff that, at 81, should be handled by others but it just isn't. Maybe she needed to hear a reminder from her husband, via her daughter? 

Memories. Good, bad, surprising. Have you ever had a sudden illumination and resurrected your own past because of it?

15 comments:

  1. Wanna share that Martin luthers quote with many i know...sigh...memories flood the briann sometimes. At times I remember how my granny grandpa were in old age and try to be more acceptable about my now growing old dad...
    Dropping by from a to z http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.com/

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    1. And the older we get, the more memories come in because we have more to remember!

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  2. she needs that connection with you . which is thoughtful that you are giving her that time.
    Medical Needs

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    1. For years I called my parents weekly, but talked more to Dad. Then I moved closer to them and didn't call so much. I'm glad to be calling regularly again.

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  3. It's funny how things pop up (memories, songs) just when you seem to need them.

    Oh, hey, I have a suggestion for X day: Ximena. It's a name (pronounced Hugh-men-ah).

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    1. Ximena... okay! Here I thought I'd have to resort to a Chinese character. In Chinese pinyin, x is common!

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    2. Well, that would work better. I have no idea what I'm going to do for X day. I might have to skip it.

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    3. Well, you gave me an X word, I give you, "xie-xie". It's the pinyin for the Chinese word for thank you. You could make it a thank you letter or comparison of various language's thank yous, or a time a student actually thanked you for something... lots of options.
      Now excuse me while I research the name "Ximena"!

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  4. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad; good that your mom is handling things the best way she can. You are great to keep in touch with her weekly; I know as a mom I always appreciate hearing from my kids.

    betty
    https://benchsnotebook.blogspot.com/

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    1. Dad had been declining for years, so at least it wasn't a huge shock. I mean, we didn't expect his death right then, but I think we'd all been sort of "pre-mourning" as his mind was going. You start to live with the memories of him in better days. My guess is that has helped her.

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  5. Thats such a sensible quote ... half the world s problems would be solved if people dont assume things... ur mom is handling stuff independantly at 81 ? Inspiring :)
    Jayashree writes

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    1. Oh, get this, not only is she independent at 81 (her mom was the same), but she is secondary care for my two young nieces, picking them up at school half the time and taking them on weekends! She shouldn't have to, but she does.

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  6. Your mom is a beast. I plan to be quite grumpy to everyone outside the house at her age.

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    1. Well, I know she has her grumpy times. Talking once a week it's easy to avoid!

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