28 February, 2012

Of Axe-Murderers and Other Creepy Folks

Geez, people!
I finally have at least two posts pre-written from over the weekend (and one still lurking in my brain waiting for the proper mental state to voice it), and instead I have been given an incomparable opportunity to respond to the responses to a post that was based on my earlier posts full of pretend assumptions about the supposed character of my internet-fiance Brett, over at the Transformed Non-Conformist. Check out his post, here, to see the firestorm that started my post.

I’ll give you a minute...
…and another one to sort out the above paragraph.

And off we go... 
You know how you build connections to people via their blogs? Like it or not, sometimes you connect to the words from one writer moreso than from another, however much you may appreciate both? Well, Brett started following my blog from the get-go, and we’ve developed a fun friendship, including a proposal, which he ironically suggested on Valentine’s Day (in the comments of my "Your Bloody Valentines Day" post). Touche, darling, touché. After many posts and comments on both our blogs, during which I threw around the phrase “axe-murderer” a few times, he posted his character-defense, linked to above.

Just to fill in some blanks:

While it’s true that I told Brett our engagement is off if I find out he’s an axe-murderer, and it’s also true that I sort of graphically explained exactly what part of meeting an axe-murderer puts me off – the part where I’m scattered across the Midwest in a zillion pieces, of course – I was using “axe-murderer” as an obvious – or so I thought – euphemism for “anyone wishing me ill”. I do not truly expect to find that Brett is an axe-murderer. Especially because any self-respecting axe-murderer would know how to cover up his tracks. Probably I would be scattered across the cornfields and no one would ever know.

I would become an America’s Most Wanted special.
Or Dateline.
Or 48 Hours.
...You get the idea.

The "Other Creepy Folks" Part of this:

Yes, I’m cautious.
I’ve never (that I know of) had an internet stalker before, but I did have the real kind. Well, two, but one of them didn’t make me afraid, just annoyed. But the FEAR thing…There is nothing scarier than thinking you are totally alone and suddenly feeling someone’s hands pressing down on your shoulders and hearing a voice very close to your ear asking in a quietly demanding tone where you were that morning? [Dear heaven above, my heart is pounding just writing about it] Where *he* expected me to be was chapel, at my college campus. I did not go to chapel that day because I was deliberately altering my routine in an effort to avoid him.

[Okay, heart, slow back down to normal...good.]

I’m not a person with many fears. I can be surprised or startled, but causing fear to rise in me is rare (which, ironically, seems to scare my mother). I don’t want it to happen again.

This all sounds very heavy, which I did not intend. The past is the past, and it’s all good now. I’m not seeking sympathy, just explaining my seemingly inexplicable behavior.

So yes, I’m a bit cautious. No, I do not think Brett is out to get me, but the constant vigilance persists from earlier days. It becomes habit.
(I am actually feeling a bit guilty that I’m so guarded when so many of the blogs I love include generous writers who truly share who they are, and one of the semi-composed posts I have waiting includes a bit more detail, just in case anyone is wondering about me.)

Back to the issue at hand:

…Actually, this axe-murderer line seems to have started so long ago, I can’t think how I came up with it.
…I think I was actually initially checking his archives more to see if this “proposing to some random internet-chica on Valentines Day” was just a tradition. Like maybe I had simply won the luck of the draw for 2012. Talk about an idea back-firing. I’m beginning to see him as a witty guy, a devoted father, with a healthy sense of adventure, Christian morals and loving family… !@(*#& Internet. I guess the joke's on me!

In a cruel twist of fate, this whole spiel has exposed the chink in my armor:

After I wrote this out and put it to bed until today, I looked up Brett’s fb page, and was laughing so much I ALMOST commented on a tweet, but thought no, that would provide a link to my fb page, my true identity and everything, and that’s just too much.
So I very cleverly decided to email my comment to him – haha! That way he’d only get my email address, which isn’t so far from my blog I.D. Clever me.

DOH! I did not think that my real name showed when I emailed to a new address. Hoisted on my own petard. (that is too a phrase. Shakespeare, I think. I’m pretty sure it means I was killed by my own sword.)

If all my tight-knit defenses are the Death Star, then I just shot a photon torpedo into my own 2-meter thermal exhaust port. Doggone it.


  1. So Red I have been really happy happy happy this last couple of weeks during this....I really don't like to read its not one of my strong suits but, Brett's blog is something I look foward to read and yours is now too...

    Just wanted to let you know that I had a guest commentary this morning at 908 that read your blog to me and we both laughed and just one tear trickled down my face.....

    You are great and he is wonderful....


    Cannot wait for more....

    1. Glad to bring a little joy - and honored to provide something you enjoy reading!

      I can't wait for more, either, truthfully. I couldn't make this stuff up!

    2. Adam, we are happy to help you get through your day. Of course, you get more of a front seat than most people, but am glad you put up with me.

  2. I'm so loving this exchange between the two of you. I'm crazy romantic and hope that all of this turns out to be more than a fun conversation that you guys are sharing with all of us lol... it would be so neat if you actually met up... and if you do - I hope you'll continue the story here. I want to read it!

    1. Wow, who knew? I always figure that nobody wants to know this kind of personal stuff, even if I read it on their blogs. Don't worry, you'll be the first to know!

      The funny thing? I'm not romantic at. all. And from what I gather, he doesn't claim to be so, either.

    2. So when do we get to see the internet wedding? I bet you could even convince people to send gifts...

    3. Screw "sending gifts". L-Diggity, if this internet-wedding happens, my feeling is that ya'll are invited!

      ...I have to clear that with the internet-fiance/axe-murderer, of course.

      (we may be getting a little ahead of ourselves here.)

    4. The fan base has grown at a tremendous rate. I feel like we are starring in our own reality show.

    5. (I think I deleted my own comment.)

      I've noticed this theme is popular! It's easy to get carried away by (dis)interested parties. This could only happen on the internet.

      "internet reality" - is it an oxymoron?

    6. Ha! You both are totally romantic! lol... at least by my definition.

      For me romance isn't the superficial candle-lit dinner, a bunch of roses etc... it's more the connecting of two people who admire and share an affection for each other - and possibly interests as well.

      And I totally love reading this sort of stuff... movies and books are great - but they can never beat real life.

      So Brett, what's next? lol

  3. With your name provided, my buddy Adam (Train) has been scouring the internet trying to find you. He just can't take it. I decided I will not be looking unless you want to establish that extra internet connection.

    I am thrilled that you enjoyed yesterday's shenanigans (shenanigans? does anyone still use that word?). I was blown away by all the people that responded, but I think I got my point across. All of those people should be able to provide at least some confidence that I am who I claim to be.

    1. As I added to your comment-roll, you "know" you got your point across. The Death Star explosion of my own protective grid last night confirmed it.

      I'm all for shenanigans, more than ruckus, but hoopla is okay, too.

      haha. "With my name provided" if he simply googles the name, he'll be in for a big surprise! teehee. Let me know what he finds.

    2. After some thought, I appreciate you not participating in Adam's search. Might be smart to pace ourselves. There's only so much blog-fodder to be milked from this theme, don't you think?

      but I'm open to debate. Always.
      (and I hope he's having fun with google.)

    3. He found something last night and called me very excited. He wouldn't let me shut him down. I believe it is what you are referring to (I won't say what it was on here). I convinced it that it couldn't be you.

    4. That's it. Pretty funny, no? Every now and then people find out about my "alter-ego" and then I convince them she spells it wrong.

    5. That's the one. Even had red hair. He didn't catch the spelling.

    6. You guys are the best but, Red don't listen to him at all I only spent 15 hrs with 16 red bulls and sore eyes later and I have came to the conculsion that you are not on the internet expect on here....and if you are on the net somewhere your hid very well...

      I chatted with Brett today about sharing my story with you since I feel somewhat connected to you....

      You have to remember that I don't write a blog or never have done it. I can't spell very well (and it shows in my writting!!!!) and I do not know how to use gammar well...but here it is if you want to check it out...I wrote this almost 3 yrs ago at 445am....This is the reason that I lost my foot and I was in a wheelchair..Noticed that I spelled surived wrong....that is what I mean!!!!


    7. Red I just woke up this morning and I know that life has to go on...but, I can't stop reading blogs now...so just please when you get time please post again....so I have something to read....(told this to you know who too...)

    8. Thanks Red,

      For reading my blog, (I really don't think that I can call it a blog because I have never done anything with it but, you guys have brighten my world with your words....I wanted to let you know I responded to your questions.

  4. Awwww, I think everyone knows Brett is awesome and not an axe murderer. He's a secret-agent-stunt-man-preacher-in-grad-school, whew, that's a mouth full. Plus, he's witty. Witty people would totally use something more subtle.

    Of course you are right to be careful. Any woman who has ever been in your situation would be - it's the smart thing to do.

    1. They really painted a huge picture of who I am. I feel like I have to be that guy from the 'Dos Equis' commercials.

      He is the most interesting man in the world.

    2. YES! Holy moly you ARE the Dos Equis guy!!

    3. "When I preach, I only preach from James!"

    4. haha - "secretagentstuntmanpreacheringradschool". love it.

      Sadly, I don't know the Dos Equis commercial. No TV, you know. Maybe I can look it up.

    5. I will be addressing it today. Complete with the Dos Equis commercial.

    6. (I'll check it out tomorrow. When I wake up.)

  5. It's like watching two school kids beating around the bush trying to determine who like-likes who more.

    haha lovely.

    1. Yes, yes it is exactly like that. I don't think either of us seem to have matured much beyond that age-range.

  6. The final line to this post makes me love you even more. If you didn't already have an internet fiance (who is probably not an axe-murderer)and I wasn't engaged in real life, and my bread was buttered that way, I'd propose myself. I know, I know, we have just "met" basically, but I've always worn my heart on my sleeve...or is that someone else's heart? I did just walk through a cornfield recently. Hmm...


I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.