24 February, 2012

Asking the cosmos - Is it Bad to Boomerang?

Today’s subject has been on my mind for a while. Sorry if it's long-winded.

I briefly commented here that my dad had a mini-stroke, and it freaked me out a bit. He’s doing fine, although they still don’t know what caused it. My dad’s theory is that it is linked to the very long-distance flight he and my mom were taking at the time. Non-stop from Istanbul to Chicago. (Mom makes sure to walk the airplane aisles occasionally if they’ll be aloft that long.) Dad could be right in his guess.

Anyway, he’s getting control back over his right hand, and they are now off on a road-trip. (yeah, I got my travel urge genetically.) As I said, it had not affected his mind, his humor, or any of the important stuff that makes him so brilliant. It was just frustrating for him.

I have a fantastic relationship with my parents. I realize how fortunate I am in that. I spend vacation at their house, which I call “my private retreat in the woods”. It is awesome, and peaceful (unless my siblings are there with their families), and they appreciate me being there. (I’m low maintenance, and I get the coffee going before they get up. ...and walk the dog. ...and Dad usually has some task for me to help him with while I’m there.) Keep in mind, where they retired has never been home to me, so when I go there the only people I know are “their” people. I don’t have a bunch of other things to do. Totally. Relaxing.

On one visit a couple years ago, Mom and I had a “girls’ day out”. We went to a craft store, had lunch, and saw a chick flick. Mom confessed that Dad doesn’t like to try new restaurants. He has a couple he likes and prefers to stick to them, but Mom likes to try a wider variety. So she really appreciated the opportunity to go somewhere she doesn’t get to go with Dad. At that point I thought, “Hm…If I moved closer, we could do these things more often, and try all the places on Mom’s list!” And especially now, while they’re healthy enough to get out and about and do things. 

That was two years ago. Or maybe more.

So Dad’s stroke was like a bolt from the blue telling me to move my butt over to their corner of the world.

I’ve moved spontaneously before. Just up and left, and looked for a job when I arrived. It all worked out. But that was a different economy. It’s riskier now. A MUCH larger leap of faith to assume that I can even find a job. But that’s what I’m looking at doing. I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to have those fun days out with Mom. I want to help Dad chop firewood. I want the intellectual stimulation that I get from my family that doesn’t come from most of my friends.

And I have itchy feet. I’ve lived in Delaware for 11 ½ years. A long long long long long time for someone like me. My strongest tie here is my best friend, who continually tells me that I must not leave, and I know she would miss me. (She was my boss at one point, and has been a good reference for me since then. She hints that if she’s called for a reference for a job out of state that I’ll get a bad reference, and I’m only half-sure she’s kidding!) I’m used to moving more than she is – people come and go in life …maybe more to the point, I come and go in life. But within the last year, I’ve observed that she has developed another close friendship. At first I was actually a little jealous, and then I realized that now, at least she won’t be lonely when I move. Because I’ve known for years that I have to move.

So, Dudes, here’s the question:
Do I follow my inner prompting, move closer to my parents, and seek a job when I get there? Or do I do the “smart” thing, slowly seek a job – knowing most companies aren’t going to hire someone who has to relocate if there’s someone local – and move after/if I find a job?

I really am interested in hearing the views out there; please don’t censor yourself in the comments.

I know what I want to do, but in order to do it I will have to impose myself on my parents for an indeterminate amount of time. The way I see it playing out is like so:
  1. Pack up (sell a bunch of stuff first) and move in with Mom and Dad.
  2. Look for a job – retail if nothing else. My work history includes retail management, so I know I can do it, I just don’t love it. Part-time if necessary to start with and help with bills, until I can get a full-time job.
  3. Full-time job found, seek apartment.
  4. Apartment found, move out of parents’ house, but still be close enough to enjoy them.

Sounds simple, but could be anything but.

I don’t want to be a boomerang baby. I don’t want to mooch off my folks, but I do want to be able to enjoy their company while they’re in their prime.

Of course, the drawback of living close to my parents is that I’ll have to see the rest of my family more often…hmmm… just kidding…or am I?

...and feel free to correct me if I missed any there/their/they're spellings - there are a lot!


  1. Replies
    1. Well, since the stroke conversations and their impending trip to Texas, I've not had a chance to ask. We missed our weekly phone call this week because of Ash Wednesday services in two time-zones.

      Yes, that's a key point!!

      I'm also concerned that regardless of what my parents think, my siblings may decide I'm a mooch. We're pretty hard on each other at times.

  2. Would it be possible to relocate quickly if you found a job first?

    I don't know how far you are away from your parents, but could you find a job and go live with your parents immediately. Then, with a job, you can look for an apartment. You wouldn't be at your parents' house very long that way. The tough part would be the fast relocation.

    If you are close enough, you could go back on a weekend to pack up your place.

    1. I'm about an 11-hour drive...what's that 900 miles? Not terribly convenient.

      They'll be back from Texas soon, so we'll talk, probably Wednesday.

  3. I was relieved that one of us was finally with them and a little (or a lot) jealous that I couldn't be there. Thank you for fulfilling "my" daughterly duties. (Still jealous of the one on one time)

    1. It has worked out. Taking longer than I expected, but moving forward!


I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.