The more that is happening, the less I have to say, it would seem.
A few weeks ago, I logged out of Facebook for the remainder (most) of March. When I reopened the app, I found I had less to say. I had gotten used to just LIVING and not documenting my life for the world.
I logged back out a few days later. But... my family lives there. Sort of. And friends. So I logged back in and have been watching from afar. But my words are still Lost, for the most part.
These last few days, I've Lost words in real life, too. Stuck at home, Brett and I are each other's captive audience. But I just have no words. It seems I've said them all. I try to respond to things he says, but usually I'm so out of it - we read and watch different things - that I feel like my words don't even make sense. They themselves are Lost, as they leave my mouth.
I wish I could talk to my sister. She would get it. A 20-minute call to her would help me sort out my thoughts. But she's gone. I can send her all the unanswered wechat messages I want, there will come no answer.
I have friends. It's not like I have no one to talk to at all, but ... well, my words are Lost. My last couple phone calls have been more listening on my part. Not bad, but no help to finding my words.
I have Lost my words in my writing/editing, too. I keep thinking I should stop my language classes for a while to focus on writing. (If I've Lost my words in English, I sure as shootin' don't have them in Mandarin or Vietnamese!) But each day that a language class comes up, I just skype in and plod my way through it.
I did learn new words in my Mandarin class today. Well, a new combination of words. So there is a bit of humor in today:
 |
| hui(2) jia(1) , ni(3) he(1) zui(4) le! |
Yes, that's MY Mandarin handwriting. Literally, it means "Go home, you're drunk!" Since that's what we all want to tell anyone and anything that acts irrationally, I thought it was a great set of words to know. I've written them down in a couple places, so they don't get Lost, like the rest of my words.
I guess, for having no words, I managed to pull some together for this post. I hope you are doing better than I am! What has been Lost to you? How are words working for you these days?
So sorry for your sister loss. Write a journal to speak to her?
ReplyDeleteWriting, talking is not easy these days, I will not say the same things on phone and in real life ;)
L is for Landscapes
That's a good idea. At the moment I'm short on notebooks, but when the bookstore opens back up, maybe I'll start one.
DeleteYeah, I was going to say write your sister a letter. Then burn it. That way it'll get "delivered" to her.
ReplyDeleteThere is this thing, when we open up our throat chakra, the chakra of communication, when we do *stop* talking. And while this might not be an *opening* of anything, sometimes words just fail us. And it's okay.
Rather than bemoaning a loss of words, find what you're gaining. Do you feel like drawing? Crafting? Making? Perhaps making music might help. A loss of one thing generally means a gain of something else somewhere else. Find that thing. The words will return in good time. Fill yourself with something else in the meantime.
Ah! I have been reading more. So... I've found some words in exchange for the unspoken ones. I hadn't looked for that. Thanks!
Delete