When I first thought about doing A-to-Z this year, I thought of doing a month on grief. Now that I'm combining that with Covid-19, it occurs to me how applicable the stages of grief are to this pandemic: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, Acceptance.
For both of the recent deaths in my family, I felt myself rocketing through all the stages of grief. Of course, as anyone who's grieved can tell you, the stages keep returning all out of order, even after you've "Accepted" that your loved one is gone.
... OR... Accepted that Covid-19 is a very serious, highly contagious disease. How many people, fully conscious of the danger outside, faithfully staying home, Accepting their serious situation, return to the stage of "bargaining"? People break their isolation to see a loved one, allow their child a play-mate, talk to a neighbor face-to-face. Bargaining... with their life and with the lives of anyone within their household.
It's why Covid won't go away for a long time.
As for grief, my sister's death was the hardest. Not that I couldn't Accept the fact she was dead, but because of the gaping hole she left behind. When we moved to China, she - alone of my family and friends - downloaded a Chinese social media app in case we wouldn't have reliable access to Facebook Messenger (which is blocked in China). Even after we moved to Vietnam, this app was still our primary form of communication. Since no one else in my family uses this app - least of all her kids - I still send her messages. I know there'll be no response, but sometimes it's better to say the thing anyway. Maybe this is my return to "bargaining".
Now with the Covid-19 pandemic, my husband and I have Accepted that there are some family members we may never see again. Living 8,000 miles away, that was always a possibility, but we now know there may not even be a funeral (no large gathering). If there even was, it wouldn't be safe to travel!
We've Accepted this.
Doesn't mean we won't return to "bargaining" when it happens. ...Trying to find a way to get to a funeral... small bargain.
How are you faring? Are you still in denial about the pandemic? Are you being safe? Please be safe.
oh this broke my heart. I cant imagine having to deal with so many passings in one year. I lost dad in December. And I had a long time to prepare for that. And still it was difficult. The Acceptance as you say, was there. But I also kept floating back to other stages - anger and bargaining being the most prevalant two.
ReplyDeletePlease stay safe.
When we moved overseas, I fully expected that my dad would die within a couple years. He's been in renal failure for about 4 years now, but keeps hanging on! These last two deaths were shocks, to be sure.
DeleteAs I watch the numbers in the States skyrocket and I personally know a few people who have contracted COVID, I know that I am going to lose a few people who I know. I KNOW it. Being all the way on the other side of the world will be difficult, but staying put is what has to happen. It's scary, but I'll do it.
ReplyDeleteI know we will do the smart thing. I hope we can also do the wise thing.
DeleteI think we'll need to put off the funerals until after. Because we may need them. Take care. At least the government where you're at is doing something proactive, rather than spending their energy blaming. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWe started watching "Pandemic". In episode 3 it talked about Vietnam's response to bird flu (was that H1N1?) crossing the border. Since then, they have maintained vigilance.
DeleteI never thought about the stages of grief and applying that to what we're all going through now. Good point. I got angry one day where I ranted that I refuse to stay home. Once I calmed down, and looked at it, I realized how silly I was. It just shocked me that my own Gov would shut everything down.
ReplyDeleteI am now kinda accepting it because I don't know anyone who has it; not that I am unfeeling for those I don't know, it's just not close to me (yet).
I feel like I am in some sci-fi movie.
Yes, like a sci-fi movie.
DeleteThe thing about "not knowing anyone who has it" is that we don't have accurate numbers because there aren't enough tests. I have personally heard of 3 separate cases where people were told "it's probably Covid. Go home and isolate." and often "but don't say you have Covid." That, to me, is appalling.
Nothing much has changed for me with the virus. I already stay at home all the time. I no longer go out to pick up groceries, I pay the extra and have them delivered to my porch. I have to tell my family to stay away. But sometimes I just wonder if it is all worth it. What am I hanging around for?? Good to see you do the challenge.
ReplyDeleteNot much has changed for me, either.
DeleteI'm sorry that you feel that way, but it is all worth it, if not for you, for everyone you might pass it on to. If you go out, and touch something contaminated, and then hang out with friends and eat and drink and go home, and 3 days later show symptoms of Covid, you have just infected a bunch of people,and other people who later went to the same place and touched the same things you did - people who might care what happens to them.
Please be smart and safe.
No, No, NO. That is not at all what I meant. What I meant is I wonder if living is worth all this. I would never infect another person. I stay home alone all the time so I don't have to worry about it. Sorry you misunderstood me.
DeleteI get it. Right now we are all just trying to survive. I hope you find a way to thrive during all this.
DeleteI remember you have a nice big backyard, right? Does it bring you any joy to hang out back there? I know you're an avid reader. I bet you are racking up a ton of books on your Goodreads list! Good luck.
Other than not working, my life hasn't changed to dramatically. I was always a homebody anyways. My wife has a compromised immune system as she has a couple autoimmune diseases so we try to be careful. I make the kids stay in and the only time we leave is to get groceries and I do that on my own. My daughter works at Subway so she's considered essential. We make her shower as soon as she gets home (she usually did anyways).
ReplyDeleteI know when I go get groceries, I feel like there our way to many people on the roads for them all to be essential. I feel like this is going to be around for awhile because people aren't really heeding the warnings. I personally think they all have the "this will never happen to me" attitude. You can't fix stupid.
I agree. It's up to everyone to do their part. Thank you for doing yours!
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