07 April, 2018

Games. Don't Play Them.

I'm talking about mind games, people.


Women bear the brunt of this bad rap, but I'll be calling out some of you guys, too.

Why fake who you are at the beginning of a relationship? I just. Don't. Get it. If playing a game gets you into a relationship with your object of desire, but then you realize you didn't desire that person, but some phony aspect they were projecting, you just wasted your time! I don't. Get it.

Now, I'm a huge nerd. A Star Wars loving, Monty Python quoting, well-read, drama and band geek. I'm collosally awkward in group social situations. I don't fly my freak flag super high, but anyone who gets into an extended conversation with me will see it. It's a lot to scare off the average dude.

But I never learned how to play mind games. Let me give you some examples. 


  1. Working in retail in my 20s, a coworker who I admittedly thought was very cute and nice (although about 10 years younger than I) became a good friend. At work. Not someone to hang out with, although we occasionally rode together. One time I responded to him with a Star Wars quote (or something equally nerdy) and he just shook his head and muttered, "Why do you have to be like that?" and in that instance I realized that he couldn't get beyond my nerdiness. I was in the friend zone for good. I was okay with that, because I was just being myself.

  2. During grad school, there was one guy I pseudo-regularly dated. After a few dates, I realized he agreed with EVERY opinion I presented. That's impossible. Impossible. No two people on this planet could honestly agree 100% on everything, but I grew up outside the US, and I often have a somewhat foreign view of things. I don't play games, so if asked, I will be totally straight, or conveniently change the subject. No way this guy agreed every time. So I asked him an open-ended question, listened for his response, and then deliberately took the opposite view and watched him flip like a pancake. We didn't last. I don't want to be with a yes-man.

  3. Another co-worker, equally into Star Wars, but way more superficial regarding girls he dated, completely discounted our ease of conversation. One time, he made a Star Wars reference and I answered wrong. I had no context; it wasn't a direct quote and I had no clue what he was talking about. I watched his face fall at my incorrect response, and knew I blew it. I mean, it's okay, I was on the fence about him. All we had in common was Star Wars.

My point is, BE YOURSELF! I saved myself time and agony by weeding these guys out, just by being myself. They did the same, by being true to themselves. I could write a book.

Now, when I started dating my husband, I told him I don't celebrate my birthday. Which was to take place after we'd been dating only a couple months. His friends told him he should buy me a gift anyway "because women always say things like that". He didn't listen to them, because HE doesn't play games, and hoped I didn't. He was right. I don't play games. I was delighted that he hadn't even bought a safety gift "in case". 

Do yourself a favor, ladies. AND guys. Don't play games.

(If you're visiting from A to Z, please include the name of your blog as it is on the Master List so I can return the favor!)

10 comments:

  1. Game playing is such a waste of time - it all comes out in the end and you've just wasted each other's time. I'm too busy and life's too short to not be authentic. I'm happy to leave the players to their own games.

    Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au
    H for Hang on to your Dreams

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. It's always surprising to me that people still do it.

      Delete
  2. That's me! I couldn't agree more. I think that's were people get tripped up later in the relationship and think the other person somehow "changed". They didn't change, they were probably not being themselves to begin with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen women who love men "who need work." They hope this or that bad habit will change. And of course a lot of men don't understand when a woman changes her mind. It's too convoluted.

      Delete
  3. YES YES YES! Plus, I hate having to play the "guessing game" because someone won't just be straight with the other person. It prevents a lot of fights when each person is just honest about who they are and what they want.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know that if I tell you "I'm fine," you will behave as if I'm fine. So I'd better be honest!

      Delete
  4. This. Absolutely! No matter what age you are or what time of life. I internet dated at 50. I was me. The real one. I was amazed at how much game playing was expected. It proved to be an unexpectedly useful filter.

    A-Zing this year at:
    FictionCanBeFun
    Normally found at:
    DebsDespatches

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it sad that being real has become the filter?

      Delete
  5. my husband and I have been married 34 years and when we were dating, he said, "I don't play games" - I was like "monopoly?" or what?? Turns out it was both - he doesn't play games in relationships or play games though we have started playing dominoes . . .by our own rules . . on cold winter nights!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome. Do you play Mexican Train dominoes? I was introduced to it by a friend a few years back.

      I grew up in a card-playing house. Not gambling, but cards. Occasionally a board game crops up, but usually just cards.

      Delete

I enjoy a good debate. Feel free to shake things up. Tell me I'm wrong. Ask me why I have such a weird opinion. ...or, just laugh and tell how this relates to you and your life.