Women bear the brunt of this bad rap, but I'll be calling out some of you guys, too.
Why fake who you are at the beginning of a relationship? I just. Don't. Get it. If playing a game gets you into a relationship with your object of desire, but then you realize you didn't desire that person, but some phony aspect they were projecting, you just wasted your time! I don't. Get it.
Now, I'm a huge nerd. A Star Wars loving, Monty Python quoting, well-read, drama and band geek. I'm collosally awkward in group social situations. I don't fly my freak flag super high, but anyone who gets into an extended conversation with me will see it. It's a lot to scare off the average dude.
But I never learned how to play mind games. Let me give you some examples.
- Working in retail in my 20s, a coworker who I admittedly thought was very cute and nice (although about 10 years younger than I) became a good friend. At work. Not someone to hang out with, although we occasionally rode together. One time I responded to him with a Star Wars quote (or something equally nerdy) and he just shook his head and muttered, "Why do you have to be like that?" and in that instance I realized that he couldn't get beyond my nerdiness. I was in the friend zone for good. I was okay with that, because I was just being myself.
During grad school, there was one guy I pseudo-regularly dated. After a few dates, I realized he agreed with EVERY opinion I presented. That's impossible. Impossible. No two people on this planet could honestly agree 100% on everything, but I grew up outside the US, and I often have a somewhat foreign view of things. I don't play games, so if asked, I will be totally straight, or conveniently change the subject. No way this guy agreed every time. So I asked him an open-ended question, listened for his response, and then deliberately took the opposite view and watched him flip like a pancake. We didn't last. I don't want to be with a yes-man.
Another co-worker, equally into Star Wars, but way more superficial regarding girls he dated, completely discounted our ease of conversation. One time, he made a Star Wars reference and I answered wrong. I had no context; it wasn't a direct quote and I had no clue what he was talking about. I watched his face fall at my incorrect response, and knew I blew it. I mean, it's okay, I was on the fence about him. All we had in common was Star Wars.
My point is, BE YOURSELF! I saved myself time and agony by weeding these guys out, just by being myself. They did the same, by being true to themselves. I could write a book.
Now, when I started dating my husband, I told him I don't celebrate my birthday. Which was to take place after we'd been dating only a couple months. His friends told him he should buy me a gift anyway "because women always say things like that". He didn't listen to them, because HE doesn't play games, and hoped I didn't. He was right. I don't play games. I was delighted that he hadn't even bought a safety gift "in case".
Do yourself a favor, ladies. AND guys. Don't play games.
(If you're visiting from A to Z, please include the name of your blog as it is on the Master List so I can return the favor!)